


100 Ficlets

by TinderWulf



Category: Mass Effect - All Media Types, Mass Effect Trilogy
Genre: Childbirth, Dominatrix, Light Dom/sub, Mating Cycles/In Heat, Multi, Suicidal Thoughts, Survivor Guilt, Torture
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-05-06
Updated: 2018-06-19
Packaged: 2019-05-03 01:53:10
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 20
Words: 53,825
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/14558271
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/TinderWulf/pseuds/TinderWulf
Summary: This is a random assortment of ficlets. Some long, some short. Female Shepard centered, mostly her POV but a few others mixed in.Tags will be updated with each chapter.





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> I'm sure you've noticed I have a few of these types of fics. I usually go to a random word generator and have it give me a list of 100 words. I use this list to get my muse flowing when I'm stuck on other fanfictions I'm currently working on. I don't skip words, I force my brain to come up with something. 
> 
> This fic has been worked on for the last 6 months or so as a motivator. I even liked some of the stories that popped out so much I used them in other fics.

**SKY**

It was an odd thing to appreciate in her final moments. The pinks and purples of the sun rising. Bittersweet. The acid had finally penetrated her armor, there was no way to stop it out here. It was inevitable, really. But what choice did she have but to fight for what little bit of time she had left? She could hear the varren already moving in to the blood and guts that scattered the area. Thresher maw among the human. 

The pain was intense as it burned the skin of her waist, but she didn’t cry out. There was no point, she was all that was left.

All but the varren.

And soon, the acid would begin eating what little fat was on her stomach, then the muscles. If her beacon worked, someone should be here before that. If not, well…she had her pistol to make sure she didn’t survive the torture that would bring.

* * *

**LIQUID**

“Why the hell did we take the elevator, Shepard!” Ashley screamed, panicking as another contraction hit her. “And…of course….” She breathed hard. “We get stuck with the turian councilor!”

“Sparatus, hit the emergency button then hand me the first aid kit,” Shepard ordered as she helped Ashley lay on the floor. The contractions were too close. “Because the elevator is quickest, Ash,” She answered as an afterthought. And of course, the damn machine had to seize on the one day they needed it most.

“I can’t have this baby in a fucking elevator,” she cried as another contraction worked its way from her back to the front.

“Listen, it’ll be fast, Ash,” Shepard said as she slipped on a pair of gloves. “You’re water hasn’t fully ruptured so it’ll help.” It’s going to be one hell of a mess though, Shepard thought, and there weren’t any water proof gowns in that kit. There never was. “Sparatus get Doctor Michel on the line.”

Pushing the dress up out of the way, Shepard removed the underwear as quickly as she could before placing a sterile bed pad under Ash. She waited until the contraction passed before she carefully pushed two fingers in.

“Time to push, Ash, when the next contraction hits. Just like the midwife told you,” Shepard said as calmly as she could. 

“Doctor, we have Ashley Williams in labor in a stuck elevator. We need a medical team standing by,” Sparatus said calmly as he watched Shepard strip her shirt and pants before tossing them his way. The doctor replied but he didn’t know what she said as he watched the second human spectre bear down and push, her face turning the reddest he’s ever seen a human’s face turn. Even more red than Udina’s had ever been.

“You’re doing great, Ash, I promise you it’ll feel good when you’ve got the right push,” Shepard praised. She’s never personally given birth, so she didn’t know if she was telling the truth, but she was told that the contractions are much worse than the actual delivery. Unless the patient was receiving some kind of drug to induce labor. Thankfully, that wasn’t the case here. “Push, push, push,” Shepard said as warm liquid hit her. “There’s the head, Ash, keep going!” 

Sparatus watched in complete and utter horror as Shepard was covered in birthing fluids. And a not so tiny head hanging out of Williams.

“One last push,” Shepard said as she caught the quickly exiting baby. 

“I…” Sparatus started, but lost all at once.

“Councilor!” Shepard yelled, startling the quiet baby while she was trying to get his attention. “Emergency blanket?”

He quickly fumbled for the blanket as Shepard placed the baby on Ashley. She was just so damn calm. She’d just been soaked and it didn’t affect her at all! Turian births were nothing like this.

Shepard cut the cord and quickly covered the baby before reaching up and unzipping the front of Ashley’s maternity dress. Ash held her dress open long enough for Shepard to slip the naked baby against her skin. “It’s a boy, Sister,” Shepard said as she covered Ash’s chest with the clean side of the blanket. “What’s his name?”

“Kaidan,” she whispered as tears fell, her eyes staring at the tiny human in awe. “Kaidan David Vega.”

Sparatus didn’t know what do as he stood there holding Shepard’s clothes. He only knew he was highly impressed and equally aroused by the alpha female he was watching. And also that he very much wanted a shower.

* * *

**NAME**

She lay awake wondering if he’d want her to take his name. It was just a name, right? 

No. No, it wasn’t _just_ a name. It was her father’s name. A man she adored and missed dearly. It was a name _she_ added to, made bigger. A name that she worked hard for so that her father would approve. Even if it was just in his memory. 

And after all those years of shedding blood in honor of that name, she couldn’t just give it up. Fighting for the innocent, extinguishing those who would do harm. No, hell no, Shepard was her name. 

\--

“Do you think he’ll understand?” she asked.

“If he doesn’t, you’ve got someone at your six that does, Shepard.”

\--

But he didn’t understand. Instead, he was angry. Blaming everything under the sun for her need to keep a part of her soul. Telling her it was an excuse so she didn’t have to marry him. 

No, he would never understand. At least, not as strongly as she does.

But when he leaves and cancels the wedding, it isn’t hurt she feels, but relief. Relief at not losing another piece of herself for the sake of someone else. It’s just a name to him.

But to her, its hope. It’s caring and love and protection. It’s _her_.

“His loss,” Garrus says as he lays in her bed and presses the button for the vidscreen. “I told you I’ll always have your six,” he says gently before handing her a beer and pressing play on _his_ favorite movie. 

And he would, she knew. He’d always be here for her and with her.

* * *

**FEAR**

There was just a feeling you got when someone was staring at you. But this was the first time he ever truly felt it so strongly. Like he was in someone’s scope. So when he found the startling, powerful eyes from across the bar, he felt his plates tingle.

It wasn’t fear, exactly. This was Omega after all. It felt more like being hunted. But the hunter was a very well-known spectre. Especially since she’d freed Omega and won the war. He was somewhat interested in why she was staring at him, but then again, it was Shepard. Usually chaos followed as he’d seen firsthand.

But, he was working and leaving his post would get him punished. He was one of Aria’s guards and his shift wouldn’t be over for hours. Shepard would be long gone by then.

\--

Having this apartment to himself was definitely one of his new favorite things. Higher rank in Aria’s book meant better digs. Turning the heat up, he stripped and collapsed onto his couch.

He froze when his front door opened and heels clicked along the floor. His gun was across the room. Rookie mistake.

“I couldn’t have timed this any more perfect,” Shepard purred as she eyed him from head to toe before straddling his lap.

“How’d you…” he started but she cut him off.

“Aria,” she replied with a victorious glint in her eyes.

“Does she know you’re here to kill me?” he asked before a grunt escaped him as she lightly bit his neck. His plates were loosening on their own violation while he was torn between fear and arousal.

Her dark chuckle made him shiver, “I’m not here to kill you,” she said before sucking where she bit.

“Torture me for information?” he asked shakily. He could feel himself slipping out of his sheath. This was going to end very badly for him, he knew it. He should have fucking known it the second he realized he was in her scope.

“No,” she replied as she pulled her short leather dress up, exposing her naked thighs, but he didn’t dare move. It had to be some kind of tactic for information. It had to be.

“Then what do you want?” he asked as her little fingers ran down his arms that were splayed on the back of the couch. 

“Your cock.”

Yup, that was it he would die, he thought as his cock sprang free. Wait… “What?” He asked moving his head back to look at her.

But it was too late, he was already being taken inside of the woman on top of him, her moan making his head fall back as his hands moved to grip her hips to him. Then she was moving, spirits, she was moving. Grinding herself against him as he held on for dear life. He would die inside of this tight, wet human. It would be glorious. 

Her tiny fingers fit perfectly under his fringe making him growl with pleasure as his talons pierced the thick fabric on her hips. And her moans, by the spirits they were the most beautiful thing he’s ever heard. 

“Shepard…” he warned, but she didn’t listen. She just kept going, her moans more hoarse and loud as she pulsed around his cock. He tried to wait, but it was too much. His growls of pleasure echoed off the walls as he emptied himself. 

He stayed perfectly still as he caught his breath. But when she lifted off of him and stood, he froze.

“Thanks for the ride, Grizz,” Shepard said as she straightened her dress.

“Yeah…” he started nervously. “Yeah, anytime.”

He watched her leave, his eyes wide. That really did just happen, right? He wondered, until his cock slid back in its sheath. Yes, that totally just happened. And now he’s afraid she’s ruined him for any other’s moans.

* * *

**SHOCK**

The laughter couldn’t be helped. She knew it was stupid but she couldn’t stop. They thought they’d break her by sending shocks through her body. Fucking idiots, she thought.

If she could be broken that easily, she never would have survived Akuze. And this little horror show they’ve got going didn’t come anywhere close to Akuze.

“She’s crazy, I tell you!” The asari whispered to another. “How the hell is she even cleared to be active Alliance?” A human asked.

Even the threat of rape made her laugh. “Fuck yes! It’s been a really long time since I’ve been properly gang banged!” she shouted in fake excitement. Rape wouldn’t break her either. Hell, she was already naked, strapped down to a table while they tried different styles of torture. 

Some she slept through. That couldn’t be helped, but that only pissed them off more even though they were the ones to cause the sleep deprivation.

Here they were now, trying to electrocute her for information. Fuck it hurt the biotic amp, but that went without saying. She made sure to give them a nice bloody smile when they let up. 

She wasn’t crazy. She just had a damn high pain tolerance. Nothing short of acid maw would leave her crippled with pain. And they had none of that. So she waited for her knights in dented armor to rescue her. But instead of Alliance, it turned out to be a devilishly handsome green drell. And fuck if he wasn’t sexy snapping those necks.

“When we’re out of here, care to take me out for coffee?” She asked as she shrugged on his jacket and her panties. The only article of clothing she could find of hers. She didn’t even have shoes. 

“I prefer tea,” he replied as he helped her pull the clasps tight on his leather jacket.

“Oh honey,” she said with a smile as she patted his cheek. “The coffee is just a prelude to having those gorgeous lips of yours buried between my legs.

His mouth fell open before he snapped it closed. “Are you always this vulgar with your rescuers?” 

“Only the ones that can dance a ballet of death,” she replied with a wink and a smile before taking the offered gun.


	2. Chapter 2

**SPELL**

What she’d seen when Morinth had her…what she’d felt. Absolute loyalty. To a monster. And that’s what she was, what Shepard knew she was. And Morinth had _loved_ it. Shepard didn’t scare easily and the only reason she’d agreed to help Samara was because of Shepard’s fondness to the Justicar.

And the reason she was yelling at the woman now. The Justicar asked for forgiveness, but Shepard couldn’t give it while the darkness was still in the edges of her mind. 

Then the asari whispered the words that had meant nothing but intelligence with Liara, and terror with Morinth.

Her mind was invaded again, a bright blue light filling her eyes as Samara filled her with peace. Samara would find Shepard’s love for her there, and there was nothing she could do to stop it. For the first time in her life, she gave up. Quit. 

She let the Justicar fill every tiny corner of darkness with her light.

* * *

**VIOLET**

The quarian captain had been flirting with her all night. She couldn’t help but get a little high off of the attention. Of course, she got plenty of attention but never from a quarian. What she didn’t understand was why he was in his suit since their immune systems had been strengthened. 

Anonymity, he said. No one looked twice at a suited quarian. Shepard didn’t realize she voiced the question.

His voice was deep, which she very much enjoyed. “What’s your name?” she asked, remembering he hadn’t said it when he sat down next to her in Purgatory.

“Dalaan,” he answered, causing a shiver to run up her spine. She’d just been calling him Captain but Dalaan was so much prettier. “Are you going to let me take you home with me, Shepard?” he asked as the cold glass of his face plate grazed her cheek.

“I might,” she returned huskily.

She did. And he was the most gorgeous being she’d ever laid eyes on. She didn’t know different shades of purple could look so good together. 

“Please,” she whispered as his dark violet hair lightly brushed her waist as he kissed his way down her body.

* * *

**SPOT**

It was a normal day for Kelly. Not counting the new arrivals, of course. Making her way to the mess hall, she spotted the new turian and human at the mess table. Perfect!

Grabbing her tray she sat down between them and introduced herself. It was always exciting to meet new people. Garrus and Zaeed didn’t look as enthused as she felt though. 

“If I were you, I’d find another chair fast, Kid,” Zaeed said, his face conveying the seriousness of his sentence.

“One chair is as good as any other,” Kelly returned.

“She hasn’t known Shepard long, has she?” Garrus asked the uptight human that was shaking his head no, like she wasn’t even there.

“I’ve read everything there is to know about the Commander, thank you very much, Garrus,” Kelly said, some of her joy slipping away.

“That so?” Garrus asked.

“Of course! Her favorite color is blue, she’s doesn’t favor humans over non-human, she takes her coffee with three sugars and two creams, she hates small talk…” Kelly tensed when a hand landed on the back of her chair.

“And she doesn’t like her spot being taken. At the head of the table,” Garrus said with a flick of his mandible that she didn’t quite understand. 

“And its four sugars and three cream, Ms. Chambers,” the Commander said from behind her. 

“O-Of course, Commander,” Kelly said as she quickly removed herself from the Commander’s chair.

“Don’t forget to add that she hates her place being taken to your notes, Ms. Chambers,” Garrus whispered as Shepard sat down in the newly vacated chair. 

How was this vital information not already in the notes? This was not starting off as well as she’d hoped.

* * *

**PLACE**

The room was cold. Why were they keeping her here? She was well enough to get around on her own. Mostly. Surely she could be released to someone. But none of her team was here. They were stranded on Zorya for at least another week. Her mother was…absent, as usual. Grunt and Wrex were down on earth helping.

And Shepard, she was stuck in Huerta with an overly protective Dr. Michel. 

“Thank you, Doctor, that’ll be all,” Hackett said from the door.

“But, Sir, I’ve just helped her from the shower and have yet to even get her clothes out!” Dr. Michel argued. Shepard wondered why she was doing a job that a nurse or orderly normally did.

“I think I’m more than capable of finding her some clothes,” Hackett returned.

The doctor’s cheeks reddened before muttering her apologies and exiting the room. Shepard and Hackett had this conversation a dozen times. Beginning to end on the events of the push to the beam. She was tired of talking about it. She was tired of missing her crew. She was tired of this place. She was just…tired.

“What do you need, Shepard?” Hackett asked.

“A greasy cheeseburger, fries, chocolate shake, a couple orgasms, a nursemaid…” she said tiredly, counting off everything that’s she’s wanted or needed the last six months of being stuck here.

“I meant from your closet,” Hackett replied with a rough chuckle.

“Oh, well this is awkward,” Shepard said as she covered her wet head with her towel. “Just get me whatever, I don’t care. It’s all the same.” She sighed. “It all screams _stuck in a hospital_ anyway.”

“Not for long,” Hackett as he removed the towel from her head. “Stand up.”

“Seriously, I can’t stand for long by myself,” she complained as he helped her steady herself on her good leg before she carefully put weight on her other leg. He turned her to face the bed before wrapping an arm under her breasts, over the towel.

“Now, I can help you with one of your needs immediately. Three of the others will take some doing,” He said.

She couldn’t stop the snort if she wanted to at the mental image. “Admiral Steven Hackett, head of the Alliance military, playing nursemaid?”

“Well, yes, but I was talking about one of the orgasms you mentioned,” he replied as his hand slipped beneath the towel.

* * *

**BITE-SIZED**

There were many questionable things Shepard had eaten for survival. Grubs being the worst. But watching Mordin eat wiggling maggots was definitely topping her list of gross.

“Same texture as grub worms, Shepard,” Modin said when he finally noticed her staring. “Just smaller.”

“It’s not something I eat without the fear of starving to death, Mordin,” Shepard replied, having lost her appetite.

“Protein high in these. Would be very beneficial,” Mordin returned after swallowing a mouth full. 

“I’ll pass, but thanks,” she said with a shake of her head when he offered her a spoon full of the creepy wigglers.


	3. Chapter 3

**SCRAWNY**

“Garrus,” she whispered when she caught sight of her. A tiny, near naked turian girl covered in dried mud and grime.

It took some doing, and crooning on Garrus’ end, for the girl to come out. Shepard’s throat burned with unshed emotion as the impossibly light girl clung to her like a lifeline. And perhaps she was. There was no one else here, the slavers had already left.

“She needs some nutrient paste,” Garrus said quietly as they entered the shuttle. 

The ride back to the ship was quiet as the child managed to eat half the tube of paste. She was a beautiful little girl. Her plates darker than Garrus, and her eyes a striking purple that Shepard had never seen on a turian before. Green and blue eyes seemed to dominate the turian race.

Once on the Normandy, she had to place the girl on Vega’s table and stand directly in front of her while she removed her armor. Her heart ached when the child panicked. “Shh, it’s okay,” Shepard whispered as the girl once again clung to her.

“Shepard,” Garrus said once the three were alone in the elevator. “It’s likely she was born in that facility.”

“So there’s no family out there missing her?” Shepard asked, her voice breaking with emotion. 

“Doubtful, but running a DNA sample will confirm it,” Garrus replied.

\--

Garrus did his best to distract the child while Shepard was talking with Chakwas. The child refused to take her eyes off of her. 

“Commander, I’ve run every database out there, she isn’t on any of them,” Chakwas said, her voice conveying her defeat. 

With a nod, Shepard rejoined the pair. The girl had yet to say a word, and now there was nothing that could tell them her name or even a birthday. She didn’t exist.

Later that night, she lay in bed, the child next to her, and wondered what the hell she was going to do. She fell asleep with her mind racing through options. 

By morning, she knew what she had to do. 

They had gathered for breakfast at the mess hall, like the crew did every morning.

“Karin, can you update my files?” Shepard asked before taking a sip of coffee. She wasn’t a breakfast person.

“Of course, what would you like updated?”

“Children,” Shepard replied feeling her crew’s gaze whip to her. “Add Suunra Ashley Shepard as my daughter. And give her a birthday.”

“Done, and her guardian in case of your death?” Karin asked as her fingers quickly worked over her omnitool.

“Garrus Vakarian,” she replied easily, seeing his gaze on her out of the corner of her eye. “And in case of his death, Adrien Victus, then Castis and Solana Vakarian.”

Later, when her new daughter had fallen asleep next to Liara, Shepard slipped out to the main battery to speak to Garrus.

“Garrus, is naming you one of her guardians going to be an issue with you and Tali?” she asked as soon as she stepped in the door, only to find his console empty. 

“We should talk about that, Shepard,” Garrus replied, his head popping up further back in the battery.

“Listen, Garrus,” She said as she walked down the path to him. “I should’ve asked you first and I apologize if I did something wrong,” she said as he wiped his bare bands off on a towel. It wasn’t very often she saw him without armor.

She inhaled sharply when his hands cupped her face and he pinned her between him and the main gun, “There is no ‘me and Tali’”, he said quietly. 

“What?” she whispered, her voice thick with shock and emotion.

“Tali and I were never more than stress relief, Shepard,” he answered. “But you and me, well that’s a whole different story, isn’t it?”

“No Shepard without Vakarian,” she whispered as a tear spilled over.

Garrus purred before pressed his forehead to hers, “And no Vakarian without Shepard.”

At lunch it was Garrus that requested the Doctors attention, “Doctor, could you update my files please?”

“Of course,” she replied quickly pulling it up on her omnitool.

“Under children, add Shepard’s kids, editing Suunra’s last name to Shepard-Vakarian,” Garrus told her as jaws dropped and wide eyes stared. “Same God-parents.”

“Done,” the Doctor replied. 

“And under mate, add Shepard as Shepard-Vakarian, then under her file add me as her husband, my name as Vakarian-Shepard.”

Her heart was the fullest it had ever been, she thought, as her too-thin daughter scooted into her lap, and her new mate held her hand as the crew hooted and whistled at the ‘newlyweds’.

* * *

**REQUEST**

“Shepard, what are you doing here?” Hackett asked as he set a datapad aside.

“To respectfully request a promotion,” she said as she collapsed in a seat.

“A promotion?” Hackett asked, his brows drawn down in confusion. 

“I have been a Commander for so fucking long, you might as well change my first name. Have I not earned it?” She asked, anger quickly swelling in her chest. “Alenko got promoted to Major, and for what?”

“You still outrank him as a spectre,” Hackett stated.

“That’s not the point,” she argued. 

Why would he understand when he was the Admiral of the Alliance? The highest ranking there was. Then there was her mother’s recent promotion to Fleet Admiral. Six years as a Commander. No promotion in sight.

“I see,” She said numbly with a humorless laugh. “I haven’t earned it.” Even after the reaper war. That wasn’t what she was hoping for but she knew that coming in here with a backup plan was vital. “Then I’m retiring, Admiral,” She informed calmly as she handed over a datapad and walked out of the room. She’d worked too damn hard for the Alliance not to give her the promotion. Stingy fucks.

When she got back to her ship, she had an email waiting for her from Hackett. 

_{Shepard,_

_As requested you’ve been promoted to the rank of Admiral. I hope this will cease any talks of retirement._

_-Hackett}_

Her laughter echoed through the CIC. “Ladies and gentlemen, in celebration of my promotion to Admiral, all drinks are on me tonight! Let shore leave begin!”

* * *

**NOISE**

This job was not what he wanted to do now that the war was over. He wanted to live. To feel alive again. But duty always won, Castis thought, as he signed off on another datapad. And he could get it done a lot faster if that damned noise from the gym wasn’t rattling his walls. 

Giving up, he grabbed his jacket and left his office following the noise. Might as well see what has his employees acting like a bunch of children. They wouldn’t notice him watching from the catwalks. An advantage.

But what he saw wasn’t anything like he expected. His own son going toe to toe with his dearest friend, and commanding officer. And it was brutal. Castis clenched in sympathetic pain when Shepard twisted in the air and landed a blow to the side of his son’s head with her foot, making him stumble, as she gracefully landed on her feet.

“Come on, Garrus,” Shepard taunted. “Thought you could make me eat mat?”

“You’ve been holding out on me, Shepard,” Garrus replied.

“Can’t give you full force until you’re ready, chump.”

So this was a teaching lesson. Castis knew Garrus had excelled under Shepard. In thought, emotion, and tactical planning. But she still apparently kicked his ass in sparring.

“You going to spar, or play?” Shepard asked after she landed another blow.

Castis watched in pride as his son took the challenge and stepped up his game. 

“He’s still improving,” Solana stated as she leaned against the rail with him.

“He is,” Castis agreed.

“Are you still disappointed in his following a spectre around all these years?” she asked quietly.

“I was never disappointed,” Castis answered. “Only worried for his safety.”

“Who would have thought the safest place in the galaxy was with her,” Solana said as she watched her brother land a hard blow.

“Shepard,” Castis answered. “Shepard knew.”

His daughter hummed in agreement as Garrus finally hit the mats. Shepard’s victory vibrating the metal in the room as she gave a bow to the onlookers before helping Garrus to his feet. They were both bleeding and battered. But they were smiling as they limped their way to the showers.

“You going to go meet her?” Solana asked, a knowing twinkle in her eye. 

Castis thought he’d hid his hero worship well, but apparently he hadn’t. At least from his daughter. “And what would she want with an old man like me when she could have anything she’s ever dreamed of?”

“She could have everything, Dad,” Solana whispered as she tugged him toward the stairs. “If only you gave her a chance to.”

* * *

**MIST**

They’d been taking turns staying with her. They all wanted to be there, but that would have been too overwhelming as she recovered in the English countryside. Far away from city noise and lights. It wasn’t so bad now that animals were returning.

Except when James woke up and his Commander wasn’t in her bed. Panic seized him as he quietly scouted the house. Of course he didn’t make it far. The library doors were open to the balcony. The warm, humid air hitting him as soon as he crossed the threshold. 

She was sitting on the covered balcony. 

“Lola,” he whispered, hating to break the quiet night.

“I’m fine, James,” she replied, her voice tight.

“Are you in pain?” he asked as he knelt in front of her, her bandaged hands resting in her lap.

“No more than usual,” she returned.

“Then why give me a heart attack? Why are you out here in the middle of the night?” he asked, frustration lacing his voice.

“I couldn’t sleep.” He sighed, he knew that feeling. Too much going on in his head to let him sleep properly. When he opened his mouth to tell her just that, her bandaged hand lightly covered his mouth. “How about you put that mouth to better use, James.”

“Huh?” his question muffled by the bandage.

“A girl can’t masturbate with her hands covered in healing wounds and bandages,” she said teasingly. “Care to help me out?”

“How many people have been helping you out?!” he asked, slightly aroused but curious. 

“Oh you know, Garrus, Traynor, Hackett, Coats…” She said, laughing. “Whatever it takes to ease my tension.”

James knew of Garrus, but not the others. He could join the ranks of the trusted few she allowed between her legs. Or he could say no because Miranda would be here tomorrow. Then Shepard would heal at an amazing pace and she could take care of her own needs. But…when would he ever get another chance to make a fantasy like this come true? With her.

He carefully gripped her hips to pull her the edge of the seat, his cock twitching when she sighed. James opened her robe, baring all of her gorgeous skin to him before he carefully lifted her injured leg and placed it over his shoulder, before doing the same to the other as he kissed and bit his way up her thighs, the wind blowing in and covering his back in moisture just as his tongue dipped between her folds.

* * *

**EQUABLE**

Normally, she was one of the most even-tempered people. It took a whole hell of a lot to anger her. But sitting here in this stupid council meeting was going to break her reputation. Shatter it all to hell. Shepard was only a stand-in until Anderson was well enough to return. She really pitied him coming back to this.

The asari and salarian councilors bickered. And bickered. And fucking bickered.

“Enough!” she said loudly. She hadn’t meant to, but it was too late now. “Is this why nothing gets done? You two arguing like teenagers over who gets the bigger piece of cake?”

“Commander,” Tevos started, but Shepard interrupted her.

“I don’t give a flying fuck, Councilor. Perhaps you two should go back to your offices and think about how the hell people in your position should act.” Oh for fuck’s sake, she’s the parent. “Now,” she demanded, her voice hard.

The two quickly grabbed their things and rushed out of the meeting room. When the door closed behind them, she dropped her head onto the cold metal, trying to calm her temper.

“You seem tense, Commander,” Sparatus said, humor lacing his voice.

“Is it always that bad?”

“Yes, but I’ve never seen them more terrified so perhaps things will change in the future and more will get done,” he answered.

“What can we do in their absence? I’d like to move things along.”

“Let’s see,” Sparatus said as he scanned the datapad. “Ah, vote in a krogan councilor is on today’s agenda.” Great, a tie vote. Shepard knew that Tevos and the dalatrass would be against it. “If we don’t get someone in soon, the krogan are going to be far less peaceful.”

“Let me contact someone,” Shepard said as she quickly brought up her omnitool and messaged Aria. Within minutes, Tevos had changed her vote. “Woohoo, one item off the list! What’s next?” she asked, her mood greatly improving. Even if Sparatus chuckled at her enthusiasm.


	4. Chapter 4

**TOOTHBRUSH**

Shepard felt all kinds of awful for breaking Traynor’s fancy new toothbrush when they had to break in to the Normandy. But it worked and they were able to take back their ship. So she was currently getting a talking to for the requisition she’d put in more than two years ago for the new toothbrush. A very, very expensive toothbrush to replace the one she’d broke. A tooth brush that was two ranks higher in price than the one Traynor had originally had. Hackett was less than pleased.

“It’s taken this long to get to the paperwork, Sir?” she asked, hoping to deflect the situation on to him. It didn’t work.

“We were a little busy,” Hackett stated gravely. “Ten thousand credits for a toothbrush, Shepard?”

“The original did get my ship back from my clone, Sir,” she replied, horribly embarrassed. 

“How the hell am I supposed to make this claim? That situation is classified!” Hackett ground out as he pinched the bridge of his nose.

“Mark it down as a toilet or something,” Shepard said in jest.

“I guess it worked in the past,” Hackett agreed. “Fine, a ten thousand credit toilet. This is ridiculous,” he mumbled as he filed the claim. “Let’s not do this again.”

“Um, no promises, Sir,” Shepard replied in a serious tone. “This is _me_ we’re talking about.” Her stomach filled with butterflies at his unexpected laughter.

* * *

**START**

No one noticed him. Never. He was just the buildings maintenance guy. They didn’t even call him his name. At least until today.

“Thank the Gods you’re here, Maxin!” She yelled as she desperately tried to find the water valve under the sink, no doubt the spraying water disrupting her vision.

Shepard was a quiet tenant. Never too loud, except that one party before the war ended. And the one after the building was reopened, but for the most part, very quiet. No one ever complained to the building owner about the war hero. Though, Maxin didn’t think they had the quad for it if he was honest. 

“It’s against the sink bowl,” He called over the spraying water.

“What?”

Carefully making his way to her on the soaked floor, he crawled in over her. It was no easy task being a turian to squeeze in under a sink with another body, but he managed. He grabbed her hand and guided it to the switch that would cut the power to the disposal, then to a knob that he turned himself so that she would know where it was in the future.

There was water everywhere. It would take days to clean it up to insure there was nothing left to rust the metal.

“Not that I don’t appreciate a handsome turian between my legs,” Shepard said. “It’s going to really be killer on my back if you don’t get your weight off me.”

“Oh!” He said and raised up in embarrassment only to hit his fringe on the cabinet ledge. 

“Max! Are you alright?” Shepard said as she slipped out from under the sink behind him, her fingers gently probing his angered fringe.

Being anonymous sucked, but the warmth he felt at the shortened version of his name, even through the pain radiating in his fringe, made his worries fall away. If the greatest human in all existence knew he existed and found him _handsome_ , then that was all he needed. At least for today.

* * *

**WASTE**

They praised her for the victory, but she felt anything but victorious. Not with her mentor dead by her hand. Those moments haunted her dreams worse than anything else. 

Then to make matters worse, the bronze statue they put up in Anderson’s honor looked nothing like him. It made her sick. But then, that’s what happens when a stranger creates art of a person they know nothing about. When they fail to catch the aura of the man she adored. 

It was very unimpressive. A waste of material.

She knew she’d never get over the guilt she felt, even if the man had praised her with his last words. Even if he didn’t blame her.

The photographic memory may have made her an excellent soldier, but with war gone it just made nightmares. Repetitive nightmares.

Sitting down in front of a large canvas in the apartment David left her, she chose an image from the hundreds stored in her brain of him that made her feel safe and loved. Like the man she remembered when he was training her.

That was where Hackett would find her the following morning, still sitting on an uncomfortable stool as her charcoal covered hands sat in her lap and her tired eyes stared at the man she thought of as a father.

“That’s perfect, Shepard,” Hackett said quietly, his hand softly squeezing her shoulder. “He was so very proud of you.”

That was when she broke. Tiny crackers forming in her soul until it shattered. Hackett said nothing as he held her and let her mourn.

It would be six months when the art gallery opened. And six months’ worth of Shepard’s tattered soul hung on the walls. David, Kaidan, Thane, Mordin….

Every member of her ship’s that she lost. Every single one. It was healing, seeing them all together. Every shard being looked upon and remembered. Honored. She knew she didn’t need these drawings anymore, not with photographic memory and digital copies she’d scanned. But when a hefty offer came through for the one of Mordin, she declined. “They’re not for sale,” She told the gallery owner. “Perhaps some in the future, but not these. They already have owners.”

And they did.

The Alenko family, Kolyat, Mordin’s nephew, Kahlee, her crew’s families. Each and every one had someone to go to. 

Hackett joined her every night her art was being displayed, keeping her resolve strong in the moments she felt she might break again. His presence a powerful crutch she didn’t know she needed.

On the last night, Liara joined them as the gallery closed. “I’ve already secured transports to have these delivered as soon as we get them packed,” She told Shepard with a small smile. 

It had been two years since the crucible fired, and for the first time, she felt like she deserved to live. Thanks to the shards of her soul that would be joining, and hopefully healing, others that were left broken.

* * *

**AGREEABLE**

“And I want the entire planet that Horizon lays on,” Shepard said.

“Done,” the admiralty board said as they quickly typed on their datapads.

“My ship will remain under my command until I retire and at such time, I will choose her captain,” Shepard demanded.

And once again, they gave her what she wanted. A planet, her ship, planetary defenses, supplies. What the hell was happening? Surely she must be dreaming.

She could understand them wanting nothing to do with Horizon since Cerberus had used it to turn refugees into monsters, but everything else?

“Why are you so agreeable? The last time I was in front of the board, I was stripped of my rank and told I was a crazy lunatic.”

“On orders of Admiral Hackett, the late Admiral Anderson, various species leadership, and the documents leading up to the war. It seems we owe you a great debt, Commander, and we intend to pay,” The man in the middle replied.

“I see,” she said. “In that case, I’d like a promotion.”

“Done, Admiral,” a woman replied. 

Well, shit, she hadn’t expected that. “I plan to be more involved in Special Forces training as soon as The Sanctuary is running.”

“Of course, Admiral,” The man replied.

“I plan to use the Sanctuary until Grissom Academy is repaired and moved into my space. After that, it will be converted into an orphanage, training base, and hospital,” Shepard told them.

“We find that plan to be on point with Alliance needs, Admiral, and we thank you.”

Shepard could help but shake her head, trying to wake up, as the board discussed payments and supplies while the building would be used as Grissom Academy and a future training base for Special Forces. Her crew would never be without a home or work, and that was all that mattered to her.

* * *

**VEIN**

Just one deep cut is all it would take, she thought. One cut and she wouldn’t have to worry about nightmares. Or the emptiness she felt in her bones. The numbness in her soul. The pain would be minimal to her, but she still couldn’t do it. 

Every night she sat here alone, wondering what the hell was left for her. And every day there was always someone that kept her clinging to life. One word or one acknowledgement. Like the frayed string holding her will to live was reinforced. Crew came to see her frequently while they were docked on the Citadel, like they knew she was barely hanging on. Like seeing her on the ship wasn’t enough. Everyone but Garrus.

He’d returned to Palaven. Shepard missed him more than anyone. It was likely he’d find some turian to settle down with. Have kids. Something she couldn’t give him. The soul crushing thoughts consumed her every time someone said his name. The only name that made her feel something other than nothing.

If only she’d taken his offer. But she couldn’t then, not with the war threatening everything. Not with her life hanging in the balance. It wasn’t fair for him to love her then bury her. But she _missed_ him more than anything else. His humor, his support, and even his awkward flirting. 

But more than his silliness, she missed him having her six. His constant presence at her back and on the ship. His lack of presence left her feeling vulnerable. The main battery was a very cold room without him there. And she would know since she sat in there on the abandoned cot for hours staring at the terminal wishing he was lost in his lines of algorithms.

It was despair she felt every time she thought of him.

A loud cry jerked her out of her mind. Footsteps approaching. She hadn’t even heard her door open. She had been too busy daydreaming about suicide and lost love. But there were only a handful of people that could get in her door.

“Shepard?” a familiar voice called out as the dual-toned wailing intensified.

“Garrus? What’re you doing here?” She asked, her heart beating wildly as she stood from the couch to meet him. She was sure he could see her heart rate with his visor. “What’s going on?” She asked when he came into view, a turian baby screaming in his arms.

She watched his mandibles twitch nervously as his mouth opened and closed, unsure how to explain. He looked utterly exhausted, she thought as she automatically lay a hand against his mandible, his purr and closed eyes nearly breaking her heart as his mandible seemed to burn her hand. Another cry tore her gaze away from the harsh blue lines on his face to the bundled baby fighting in his arms. She gasped when she saw the baby, nearly identical to the man holding her.

“She’s gorgeous,” Shepard whispered, tears filling her eyes as she took the baby from his arms and motioned him to follow her up the stairs to the living area on the second floor where the temperature was warmer. “Shh, shh, shh,” She whispered as she gently rocked the baby. “You’re just fine sweet thing.” Shepard hummed a quiet tune until the child quietened and fell asleep in her arms. “She’s your daughter,” She whispered.

Garrus nodded, “Stress relief after the Normandy returned to the Sol system.” Shepard’s chest clenched, fearing the next words. “She couldn’t be a mother, she said.” Garrus’ voice tired and flanging. The relief she felt could surely be heard.

“So she handed this sweet, beautiful baby off to you to raise?” Shepard asked as she stretched her legs on top of Garrus’. 

“There was too much stress for her,” He said, trying to explain. “With our people rebuilding still, and the strain of rationing supplies…” He didn’t finish. Shepard understood. It was only recently that supply lines were up and running again. “She thought her daughter would have a better chance of survival, and a better future, if she gave up her rights as her mother and left her in my care.” Garrus said, his subvocals oddly quiet. 

“What can I do to help? Do you want your place back on the Normandy?” Shepard asked as she watched the infant’s mandibles twitch. This child really was beautiful. It must have been devastating to give her up, Shepard thought as her heart ached in sympathy. 

“I was hoping you would be more involved…” Garrus started, his mandibles flickering as he tried and failed to find the right words.

“That I’d be the badass aunt?” She asked softly, praying he’d say no.

Garrus chuckled despite his tense shoulders and mandibles firmly against his face. “No,” he said. “Badass mom, raise her together,” He said in a rush. 

“I can’t live on Palaven, Garrus,” she reminded him. He’d _have_ to come back to the Normandy. Her responsibilities to the Alliance and the Council demanded her to be on the ship.

“I don’t want to live without you anymore, Shepard. I’ve missed you these last few years,” Garrus said, his intense eyes begging her to give him another chance.

Her throat tightened with emotion when she realized he thought it was his fault. “It was never you, Garrus. I said no because I didn’t want you to have to bury your mate.”

“I would have mourned you regardless of our relationship, Shepard,” Garrus said softly. “I just thought you found something closer to home while you were on earth.”

Shepard’s soft laugh made Garrus raise his brow plate. “No one was spikey or scarred enough for my liking.”

“I’d like to come back to the Normandy, and to you, if you’ll have me,” Garrus returned quietly, his mandibles twitching in nervousness.

“Welcome home, Garrus” she whispered. His keen made tears spill over as he lay his head against her ribs, her hand resting against his mandible as her other arm held their daughter.

Perhaps these two were the reason she couldn’t do it. She just hadn’t known it yet.


	5. Chapter 5

**ZOO**

Major Coats had seen many things in his life, but this was the craziest. When he got the invitation to the party, he expected some wild stuff, but not to this extreme. Krogan, asari, salarians, turians, and even a few batarians filled the room. Then of course, the sole Prothean.

There were drunken shooting contests with Nerf guns, drinking contests that Shepard herself was part of, poker and a shirtless James, and biotic juggling. It was almost like a circus, if not for the charging krogan. 

“You’re late!” Shepard yelled after she downed another shot. The krogan across from her swaying dangerously.

“You sure do throw interesting parties, Shepard,” Coats said loudly over the blaring music.

“This isn’t just any party!” Shepard yelled.

“It’s a celebration!” the crowd yelled in return.

It was one hell of a victory celebration that was for sure. 

\--

The following morning, Coats woke up with a throbbing headache. His pained moan was echoed on both sides of him. He dared to open his eyes, only to find himself completely naked. Next to a naked human and equally naked turian. “What the hell happened?”

The rough chuckle next to him sounded just like Shepard. “You drank ryncol,” she replied. “Then we had sex.”

“Then you drank more ryncol,” Vakarian informed him. “Then we all had sex.”

“Lots of sex, Coats,” Shepard told him. “That my husband and I very much enjoyed.”

Vakarian hummed his agreement next to him. “So, we had a threesome and I don’t remember it?”

“We can repeat it after our hangovers are gone if you’d like,” Garrus commented as be began to shift from the bed. “For now, we better check on the rest of the people.”

“Time to visit the zoo?” Shepard asked as she rose from the bed, her bare skin doing little to keep Coats from pitching a tent. 

“As the zookeepers, I would assume it’s our duty,” Garrus replied, his nakedness most certainly aiding in the tent Coats was trying to avoid.

* * *

**REPRESENTATIVE**

“She won’t come,” Shepard said while they waited. “She never does.”

“Surely this would be important enough,” Hackett returned as he set a datapad aside.

“Trust me when I tell you that I will never be important enough for her to come to any meeting that involves me,” Shepard replied evenly. It was truth and she’d accepted it long ago. 

“But these awards are from many different species, surely she’d come for that,” Hackett said, his voice disbelieving. 

Shepard laughed without humor, “She doesn’t care, Admiral. Now if you’ll excuse me,” she stated as she stood. “I’ve got errands to run. Just choose someone that has actually served next to me.” 

“Shepard…” Hackett started but she cut him off.

“I don’t want your pity, Steven, she and I were never close. And when her representative gets here, just send him away. I don’t want my mother’s hands anywhere in this. She sucks the honor out of everything.” She paused to take in a frustrated breath. “If I have a father, no…” she said shaking her head, of course she had a father. “Whomever my father is, I hope he’s far more than she.”

Hackett said nothing as he watched the door close behind her. He’d personally served with Hannah before and he wasn’t very fond of her, but to hear of how little she cared for her child? If he was honest with himself, he knew Hannah put her career first. And Shepard…she’d been a lonely girl that Anderson had grown fond of. 

But seeing Shepard now, today, only reminded Hackett of the young girl he’d met at the gun range. Hair haphazardly thrown up, her clothes dirty with grease and gun oil. But her face, her tiny freckled face in deep concentration as Anderson spoke to her about the sniper rifle she was on the ground next to.

It was hard some days to see Shepard as the beautiful woman she was. Hackett was smitten. But that didn’t stop the disgusted feeling he got when he reminded himself of their age difference. Of seeing her grow through the years. Hackett did his best to keep his distance, emotionally, from her. To not let her see his fondness of her. 

Rubbing his face, he decided he was done keeping secrets from the woman. If she asked him, he would tell her, but he’d rather her father break the news himself.

_{Zaeed,_

_It’s long past time she knew. Her mother…well, you know her mother. Shepard needs to know who you really are to her. No more of this bounty hunter bullshit. She can protect herself._

_Hackett}_

* * *

**CUB**

When Shepard found it, it was crying for its mother. And it looked to be the only one alive, his mother not fifty feet away, shot by the mercs no doubt. The merc base had several Earth animals in cages. Shepard wasn’t sure if it was possible to rehabilitate these animals, but then that wasn’t her area of expertise. She’d leave that to the experts.

Picking up the cub, she made her way back into the small building in search of milk powder that they surely must have since they had bigger bobcats in cages. Digging through cabinets with a crying cub wasn’t an easy task, but she managed.

Having to lay him down to make the bottle, was another story entirely. He screamed and mewled causing several squadmates to investigate the horrible sound.

Garrus and Vega stared at her as she removed her chest plate and sat on the floor with her back to the wall. “You guys act like you’ve never seen someone feed a helpless baby,” she said as she offered the bottle to the eager bobcat.

“Well, I certainly haven’t,” Garrus replied though he continued to watch in interest. “I’ve never seen so many hairy animals before.”

“I’m just a little concerned that this female is eyeing you like she will kill you for making the kitten cry,” Vega said as he looked between a bobcat in a cage and the cub in Shepard’s arms. “She’s acting protective.”

“Then hopefully, after his belly is fully, that female will take him. Can you see if she’s nursed recently?” Shepard asked as she tried to battle a bundle of claws and hunger.

“Looks like it,” Vega returned as he knelt down to peek underneath the larger cat through the cage.

Shepard sighed in relief, “Good.”

They remained quiet as the tiny bobcat finished his bottle, eager for more. Baby animals and their fat bellies were the cutest thing Shepard’s ever seen. Standing, she carefully positioned the cub as close as she could to the momma bobcat’s cage and waited. The baby took to her easily, mewling to get in close. That wasn’t what concerned Shepard. It was whether or not the female would take the cub as her own. 

Twenty minutes felt like hours as she waited. But the female showed behavior that Shepard assumed meant she wanted the baby nearer to her. As quickly as she could, she cracked the cage enough to deposit the cub and lock it back up. 

“Scars, they sound like you!” Vega said.

“I do _not_ sound like that,” Garrus defended.

“Sorry, handsome, you kind of do to our tiny human ears,” Shepard replied with a wink and a smile as the purring intensified.

* * *

**VIVACIOUS**

Hackett couldn’t get over the difference in Shepard on and off the battle field. It was like day and night. She was _alive_ in battle. Smiling, laughing, and growling like she enjoyed it. Her colors streaking across the field, surprising any enemy in her path.

But here, at this political ball, she was closed off. Blank. Politicians vying for her attention like leaches. She hated it, he could see it in the way she held her shoulders.

Frustration was what he was feeling. She looked absolutely stunning and he wanted to see her alive in this room like he saw in the helmet feeds.

Setting aside his drink, he rose and started for her. Perhaps if he saved her from the endless small talk...

“Sorry to interrupt,” He said as he approached her, extending his hand to her that she took immediately. “But I’d like to steal the Commander for a bit.”

It was a terrible thing to do, he knew, to steal the woman of the night away from politicians, but he just didn’t care.

“A waltz?” He asked as he led her to the dance floor.

She said nothing as she let him take the lead. He couldn’t help but be in awe by the grace she showed as they began. Her posture was perfect. And when he spun them, her eyes closed and a smile formed. It was near blinding seeing the transformation.

“You are so beautiful, Shepard,” He told her, not meaning to. 

Her reply was gripping him tighter as a blush made its way to her face.

* * *

**COAT**

Noveria. A cold and bitter place she hated to go. But once again, her work brought her to the near lawless place. The political and scientific Omega.

“Shepard, a pleasure to see you again,” Lorik purred when she entered his office.

“I’m looking for a salarian conducting genetic experiments,” Shepard replied, getting right to business.

Lorik sighed, “Can’t you ever just stop by to see me?”

“I’m sorry?” She asked, confused. She was in a rush to get off of this ice hole.

“Perhaps I need to approach this more as a human would, then maybe you will understand,” he said as he stood.

Ah, he wanted to bed her. She already knew that. “I apologize, Lorik, but business before pleasure if you wouldn’t mind.” And she was sorry, but this job had to be done as soon as possible before more people came up missing.

With another sigh, he leaned on his desk. “Of course, what has this salarian done?”

“Experimented on making a turian-human hybrid, by torturing humans and turians,” she replied. “Rape, forced impregnation, you name it.” She could tell she won when he shuddered in disgust. There were rules in a lawless place like this.

“Here’s the information and do be careful, a fresh coat of snow covered the ground in the night,” Lorik informed her before approaching her. “Try not to take too long, would you? I’d like to wine and dine you as you humans say, before taking you to bed.”

Shepard grazed her lips across his mandible before whispering, “No promises.”


	6. Chapter 6

**ABSTRACTED**

_A moan left her red lips when his fingers grazed her sex. The music thumping and bodies pressed in all around them. His mouth against her ear, their hips pressed together tightly as he teased her…_

“Shepard?” Sparatus said, annoyed at her lack of attention.

“Yes?” That damn turian was going to get her in trouble.

“We asked you whether or not Urdnot Bakara had the krogan populace under control…” Tevos replied, her all too known eyes twinkling.

“As well as she can. There will always be people of all species that will try to up rise, but with Clan Urdnot’s strength, the krogan up-risers will be decimated easily,” Shepard replied honestly.

As the leadership went back to discussing their politics, her mind was drawn back to the turian she’d met at that fundraiser during the war. Rolan Quarn. By the Goddess he was so very good.

_”Why don’t we get out of here, Shepard?” he whispered in her ear as a finger once again teased her folds. “Before my plates part fully.” She shuddered at the thought of his erection being pressed against her with so many people around. “A storage room, then,” he said huskily._

_She let him lead her to the nearest room with a door lock._

“Spirits, Shepard, what do we have to do to keep your mind here?” Sparatus said, his mandibles flickering in annoyance.

“My apologies, what was the question?” She asked, her face flushed in embarrassment and desire. She was sure Sparatus could smell her arousal by the way his mandible twitched and his pupils dilated.

“Status of the quarians?” Valern asked.

“Out of suits, rebuilding on Rannoch, and living in peace with the geth,” She replied. This was something she could’ve told them in a message. She didn’t need to be here for this meeting.

As if hearing her, the meeting ended. Shepard returned to her temporary office. With the Normandy dry docked, there was little for Shepard to do. Which was why she ended up at that club last night.

“Commander,” a deep smooth voice said as soon as the door shut behind her.

Heat pooled into her core when he stepped from the shadows. “You are going to get me in a lot of trouble.”

“Oh?” He mused. “How is that?”

“Distracting me during meetings,” she replied a little raspier than she intended. But, fuck, the turian did things to her. And he was just standing there!

“And here I was thinking it was the other way around. I can’t get anything done today,” he replied as he approached her. 

“Please,” She begged when he stood in front of her, his breath tickling her face as he looked down at her.

“It would be bad for you to be associated with a barefaced turian, Shepard. Surely, you know this?” He asked, a shudder running through her when his hands gripped her hips.

“Rolan,” She pleaded. “Please fuck me.” His growl vibrated her body as he pulled her into her personal bathroom, quickly shoving her pants over her hips before turning and bending her over. 

“It will ruin your political career,” He said huskily before pushing himself inside her, their moans echoing of the walls.

“Not a politician,” She whispered. 

He pulled the top half of her body back up, much like they were at the club last night as he gently rocked into her. “Come undone for me, Shepard,” He whispered as his finger dipped in between her folds, causing her hips to jerk. “Seeing your pleasure is more intoxicating than any mark I’ve ever targeted.”

Her body followed his order, a white hot pleasure coursing through her. Her orgasm just as powerful as the last he gave her, which should be impossible. 

“Fuck,” He muttered before snapping his hips into her again and again.

The moans fell easily from her mouth as his hands held her hips, his thrusts hard and erratic before he found his own release inside of her. They stayed still, trying to catch their breaths as the pleasure slowly faded.

Rolan was gentle with her as they arranged their clothing. He pulled her in for a kiss, she couldn’t help but sigh in contentment when his tongue met hers.

They were interrupted by the beeping of her terminal. Pulling apart with a sigh, Shepard gave him an apologetic smile.

“I’ll find you,” He said, before leaving.

* * *

**PLEASURE**

She was livid. It was their first shore leave in six months. Her crew were already out enjoying theirs, and she had dressed to do the same. Until Kelly Chambers contacted her.

Now she was angrily making her way to Hackett’s office because he’s skipping meals and sleeping at his desk.

She barged in his office, not caring of decorum or titles. “What’s this I hear about your lack of personal care?”

“Shepard,” He said in greeting without looking up from the datapad in front of him. 

His silence only angered her more. There were dark circles around his eyes and his shoulders were far tenser than she’d seen during the war. “Nothing to say for yourself? My shore leave gets interrupted because the highest ranking military official isn’t taking care of himself…”

“I’m fine, Shepard, you worry too much,” Hackett returned.

“Bullshit,” she responded, her voice tight. “You look like hell.” She didn’t dress like this to miss finding a bedmate, she thought angrily, as she rounded his desk and planted her ass on top of the datapad he dropped, his mouth hanging open. “You need to go home, eat, and get some sleep.”

“I need to finish today’s work load first,” he replied, his eyes hard.

Her laugh was dark as she hooked the arms of his chair with her feet and pulled him forward roughly, getting him close enough the grab a handful of his hair. “You need to learn to delegate, Admiral,” she replied, her voice low and dangerous. “Do you have any idea what I’m missing out on right now?”

“Clubbing I assume,” he replied, her hand tightening in his hair when he tried to move.

“Getting laid,” She informed as she pulled his face closer to hers. “Instead, I’m having to discipline an Admiral.”

“I outrank you, Commander,” Hackett warned.

Jerking his head up, she planted a chaste kiss on his lips before whispering, “Spectre… I outrank you.” She laughed when he growled. “Time for dessert, _Admiral_ ”, she said before shoving his face between her thighs. It was that moment she was glad she’d decided to go commando, as his nose grazed her naked flesh. 

“Shepard,” he moaned, he voice deep with desire.

“Better get to work,” She said before his hands spread her legs further. “Not moving until you give me the release I planned on finding tonight.”

“Regs…”

“Fuck the regs, Hackett. I’m a Spectre!” She ground out before giving his hair another jerk.

Her moan joined his as soon as his tongue dipped between her folds. Datapads and a lamp clattered to the floor as she lay back and ground her hips into his eager mouth. His hands wrapping around to anchor her hips to his tongue.

The heat was building all too quickly, but she didn’t dare stop him. Not when his delicious groans vibrated against her and his tongue circled her clit. No young grunt could match the experience of this man, she thought as her orgasm began. Her heels dug into his shoulders as her back arched off the desk. She couldn’t stop her biotics from lighting her body in blue any easier than she could stop the pleasure from exploding in her core. There were so many sensations, all she could do was hold on until the waves tapered off.

When the waves finally subsided, she relaxed. Completely boneless. Until Hackett pushed a finger inside of her, his hot breath gliding over the inside of her thigh. 

“Stand up,” she ordered roughly. He didn’t argue, only obeyed, his mouth shining with her moisture.

Sitting up enough to reach her target, his finger still slowly pumping into her, she kissed him. Their tongues clashed as she pulled his shirt from his pants and slid her hand over the hard flesh. A shudder left him as she lightly scraped her nails down his abs. Unable to wait, she bit his lip, gently tugging, as she quickly unbuttoned his uniform pants and shoved them down just enough to get to her prize. 

“Shepard,” Hackett begged quietly.

“Yes, Admiral?” She answered, the pad of her finger tracing the veins of his cock.

“Please,” He pleaded, his finger leaving her so his hand could grip her thigh.

“Please what?” She asked as she spread the precum, his grunt barely audible. When he didn’t answer, she gave his length a tight squeeze, making him moan and shudder in front of her. 

“Let me fuck you,” he said raggedly. 

“I have a few conditions,” she replied with a cheeky smile, his groan a sound of victory to her.

“Anything,” he whispered.

“You eat when you’re food is brought to you, you go home by twenty hundred hours every night, and you take me to get something to eat after I let you cum inside of me,” She told him. “Do so and I will return often so you can bury this beautiful cock between my legs.” When he didn’t answer right away, she gave him one firm stroke.

He accepted with a wanton moan. 

“Then I’m all yours,” She said as she lay back on his desk and spread her legs for him. The hungry man entered her immediately, making her back arch at the wonderful intrusion. “Hard,” she demanded. Once again he obeyed, his answer was the snap of his hips and a growl she hoped to hear more often. 

Hackett set a rough pace, Shepard’s hand holding on to the desk to keep her from sliding up as he fucked her. She wouldn’t be able to cum again so quickly but she touched herself anyway. Only long enough to wet her fingers before presenting them to her Admiral as he leaned over her. When he opened his mouth to eagerly take her fingers, she quickly moved them to her own, watching his heated gaze as she sucked her own arousal off of her fingers. 

His mouth crashed to hers, his thrusts erratic as he moaned into her mouth before his hips jerked roughly into hers and stayed as he emptied himself inside of her.

She sighed when he removed himself from her, kissing her gently before he collapsed into his chair. She lay there, not wanting to move just yet as he caressed her calf.

“What do you want to eat?” he asked, his voice soft and raspy.

“Steak,” she replied easily. “Real steak, not that vat grown crap.”

He hummed as he stood. Shepard watched him pull his pants up and right his uniform before he offered her his hand. “Let’s go eat so I can take you home and have you completely naked.”

Her smile was returned as she stood and adjusted her short skirt and ran her fingers through her hair. “I like the sound of that… _Admiral_.”

* * *

**BEDROOM**

The first thought she had was that this wasn’t her bed. And the person behind her was certainly not human. Garrus maybe? They did have a stress relief thing even though they were best friends. But this wasn’t her apartment either. They never went anywhere else for their sessions.

If not the Normandy, or her apartment, then where the hell was she? And who was gripping her hip.

The even breathing behind her was all she needed to encourage her slow, gentle movement to rise from the bed and take a peek at her bedmate. 

_Oh my….fuck! No, no, no._

Shepard quickly looked for her clothes spotting her undergarments on the floor near the door. She quickly pulled them on as she followed the trail down a hall. Each piece of clothing made her heart rate climb as she untangled them from turian clothes.

“Going somewhere, Shepard?” a voice asked behind her.

Panic seized her gut as she stood, still pants-less. “Errands,” she lied weakly.

“Hmm,” he replied as he stepped in behind her, his huge hands easily covering her hips. “I didn’t get to where I am today without knowing lie from truth.” She held her breath as he walked her to the couch and pushed her over the back. “It seems a punishment is in order.”

The sting of the smack pulled a shudder from her. The second a whimper.

“I think you forget what you told me last night,” he told her as he pulled her panties over her hips easily. “Needing to be submissive, to not be in charge for once,” he continued before slapping his hand across her ass. “Although this other kink of yours is new to me. Hearing you call me _daddy_ was far more arousing than I expected.”

She moaned, her cheeks burning in embarrassment as he stepped in behind her, his cock brushing against the sensitive whelp on her ass.

“You shouldn’t feel ashamed, Shepard,” he growled. “I can give you what you need, if you’d like me too.”

“Yes,” she whispered, her body trembling in arousal. She didn’t know how much ryncol she drank last night, but she hoped no one else knew of this. Having one person know left her feeling extremely vulnerable.

“Yes, what?” he asked, his hands tracing her ribs.

This was humiliating. Tears stung her eyes as she questioned whether or not she really needed the release. 

“My, my, Shepard. So tense,” he rumbled before his fingers grazed her folds.

“Daddy,” she whispered, her mind making itself up. Fuck yes she wanted the release, embarrassment be damned. 

“I’m sorry, I didn’t catch that…” he said, his voice far too commanding. “Perhaps you should speak up,” he ordered, his hand landing on her too sensitive ass again. “You were about to run out on me and leave me to wake up to an empty apartment. The least you could do is speak where I can hear you.”

He held her hips as he brushed the tip of his cock against her entrance.

“Yes, Daddy!” she cried out. “Please…”

“That’s my girl,” Castis returned huskily before filling her.

Her last coherent thought as the tension in her core built was that this was the best punishment she’s ever had.

* * *

**USEFUL**

New Arcturus was twice the size of the original. And Hackett had spared no expense when it came to the medical wing, which was where she was currently located while Miranda rechecked her readings. Again.

“Not that I don’t appreciate you bringing me back from the brink of death, Miri,” Shepard said tiredly. They did this three times a day. “I’m feeling fine.” Miranda grumbled under her breath. “You should be the one resting.”

“Until I clear you for full duty, you’re stuck with me,” Miranda replied. 

“Does that mean I’m fit for light duty? Please don’t say a desk, you know I hate those,” Shepard begged as Miranda closed her omnitool. Shepard took the opportunity to place her hands on Miranda’s expanding waist. 

Miranda covered Shepard’s hands with her own. “I’ll let Hackett decide where to put you.” Miranda sighed as the baby pushed against their hands. “My only regret is not being able to give you this, Shepard.”

The raven haired beauty had tried her best to restore Shepard’s womb. But some things couldn’t be saved. No womb, no eggs, no biological children. “That’s okay, Miranda. It really, truly is,” Shepard told her with a smile. “I was born to do the impossible, and I did. Besides…I don’t think Grunt and Jack want the competition.”

The woman’s laughter was infectious. “You do realize that this little boy’s birth will make you a grandmother by extension?”

“Of course I do!” Shepard answered with a wide smile before hugging her daughter-in-law. “And I couldn’t be more thrilled or know two more deserving people.”

Saying her farewells, Shepard made her way to the Admiral’s office. With the Normandy on dry dock, and her crew scattered for the time being, there hadn’t been anything for Shepard to do but sit on the sidelines while her body healed. Half a dozen surgeries, countless hours of physical therapy, and Shepard could walk like she’d never lost her leg. If it hadn’t been for the Salarians, there was no doubt in her mind that her leg would be a prosthetic. If she’d survived.

Somehow in all the time Miranda had been at her side, she’d managed to find a sperm donor. Miranda and Jack had grown close during the war. Stranger things have happened. But Shepard loved those two and seeing them happy made her heart swell with joy.

“He busy?” Shepard asked Kelly as she entered the waiting area. She entered when Kelly gave her the negative. 

As usual, his face was buried in a datapad. “Steven.”

“Shepard,” he replied, his eyebrow raised at the use of his first name. 

“Put me to work,” Shepard commanded, as if she had any right to order her commanding officer to do anything.

“We’ve had this conversation at least two dozen times,” Hackett said as his omnitool pinged.

“You might want to check that,” Shepard interrupted with a smirk. His hum when he quickly scanned the message was all she needed. “Put me to work, Steven.”

“Only if you stop calling me that,” he replied.

“You know, I can’t. It just feels so normal to say. Like I’ve always called you Steven. Steven Hackett, Alliance Badass,” she returned with a chuckle. “So, no, never going to stop.”

“What will it take to get you to stop calling me by my first name?” Hackett asked, clearly amused. He didn’t seem to dislike it. In fact, he seemed to enjoy her using his name.

“Marriage, Steven. I can’t possibly become a spinster grandmother, it’s just horrible to think of! Can you imagine the headlines?” She told him dramatically. “ _Commander Shepard, never wed always a bridesmaid, becomes grandmother!_ Oh, and a job, please before I start going gray,” she said, her last request serious. If she had to spend another day not having anything to do, not being useful in some kind of way, she might kill someone.

“Can’t say I’ve ever been proposed to like that before,” Hackett said with mirth.

With a groan, her head met the cold metal of his desk. “Please, Hackett. I can’t keep doing this. Nowhere to funnel my energy, no ship to go to, no crew to check on or drink with.” Then she just broke. “No squadmates to win credit chits from. No Garrus to pick on James with. I even miss Joker,” she sobbed. “Jack married Miranda while I was unconscious, I didn’t get to see it. They’re having a baby boy. Grunt is off training new recruits. My kids are living their lives and I’m stuck in a fucking tin can getting medical checks three times a day because my daughter-in-law is a scared control freak that I love to pieces and I can’t say no because she’s carrying my grandbaby and I don’t want to stress her.” She sucked in a breath as warm arms wrapped around her while she cried. Is this what a nervous breakdown was? Midlife crisis? She didn’t know. She was just tired and homesick. Missing her crew…her family. Even Kelly with her annoying chipperness was looking good to spend time with. She didn’t hate Kelly, Shepard quite adored the redhead. 

“I do have a new batch of ‘N’ recruits coming in for training and two of my instructors are out with the flu,” Hackett said quietly when her breathing began to return to normal.

“Really?!” She said excitedly, raising her head up too fast. “Fuck! Oh…I’m so sorry,” she said frantically as she surveyed the damage before bunching the bottom of her tank up and standing to press it firmly to his bleeding lip. “I’m sorry,” she whispered again, her eyes filling with tears. Was this going to be her now? A clutz?

He said nothing but squeezed her hip before pointing to a box on his desk. They moved together as Shepard leaned over to flip the lid open. “You keep medigel on your desk? You know what?” She said with a sniffling laugh. “I completely understand, especially since I’m in the vicinity.” After cleaning his lip and applying the medigel, she gave his lip one more look before returning the remainder of the tube to the box. “So, when can I start torturing recruits?”

Hackett chuckled, “They’ll be here tomorrow. Go familiarize yourself with your team, your mission, and your office.”

She squealed in excitement before planting a kiss on his forehead. “Thanks, _Steven_.”

Shepard nearly bounced out of the office. “Oh and Shepard?” Hackett called from behind his desk. She turned around while Kelly stood off to the side holding a tray of food. “Yes, I will marry you, but not until my lip is healed so I can kiss the bride properly.”

The door shut in her face as he was returning to his seat, her mouth hanging open.

“How romantic!” Kelly exclaimed, the food on the tray coming dangerously close to sliding off. “I can’t wait to tell everyone!”

Oh yeah, Shepard remembered. That’s why she avoided Kelly.

* * *

**WRENCH**

There was nothing else for her to do while she waited for her ship to finish being messed with. Resources weren’t as easy to come by as they had been, especially with everything being poured into getting the galaxy up and running again, but Hackett had set aside a nice chunk to have her ship finished. Wires hidden, lighting replaced. The peace keeping war ship had to look her best.

In the meantime, while her crew were enjoying shore leave, Shepard was under the Mako making repairs. She normally left it to Steve and sometimes Garrus if he needed something to do, but she and Wrex hadn’t been gentle with it on their joyride. 

The krogan had to keep the thresher maw population under control, and what better way to do that than to go hunting with the new dad?

She hummed an old tune as she loosened another bolt.

“Commander,” Javik said in greeting.

“Shouldn’t you be out enjoying shore leave?” Shepard asked, grunting when a stubborn bolt refused to do what she wanted.

“Shouldn’t you?” he replied as he slid in next to her.

“Touche,” she said with a chuckle. “What brings you down here?”

“Liara was educating me on mating rituals of this time,” Javik said, his voice tight.

“I’m sure it’s a little different in this cycle.”

“Yes. I never knew what love was outside of the memory shard,” he returned quietly. “We copulated to produce more soldiers.”

Shepard hummed. She couldn’t imagine having to live in that cycle only to wake up again in war with vastly different beliefs and laws. Reproducing or not because you could. There was no shortage of foods and medications now, so they were able to have children if they wanted to. 

_”I was hoping you would do me the honor in joining me this evening for dinner.”_ Javik said in his native tongue, his bare hand lightly grasping her elbow.

Every time she heard the language from him, it filled her with calm. Likely because of the beacon, but it was still a beautiful language. She could feel his nervousness through his touch. His hope, and his affection for her. _”I’d love to,”_ she replied. Then his joy and relief. “But only if you pass me that wrench,” she added, his surprised laughter making her heart beat wildly.


	7. Chapter 7

**ODD**

It was a several hours until her scheduled time in the arena. Since she had time to spare for once, she decided to head to the small kitchen and dining area and enjoy a cup of coffee before she had to start stretching. There were already a few victors enjoying some protein bars and energy shakes. It was always the same thing when she entered a room. People would immediately stop talking and stare. Like she was a celebrity. 

Okay, she kind of was, she guessed, but she was just a soldier. 

Then came the whispering as they confirmed her identity. Next would be holos and autographs. Always the same. 

Sitting down with her coffee, she powered up her omnitool to read and reply to a few messages. One in particular making her chuckle.

_[Miss Spectre,_

_My mom said I had to clean my room, war or not. I tried to tell her Spectre’s don’t have to clean. It’s not in the job description. But she just rolled her eyes. That’s not something turians do easily, so it was a little weird to see. Do Spectre’s have to clean their rooms? If they do, I don’t think I want to be one when I grow up._

_-Frula]_

Such a sweet girl. Shepard quickly wrote her reply letting the young turian know that Spectre’s did indeed have to clean. How else would they find what they needed in a hurry?

They had saved Frula and her mother on a small colony world. Shepard had expected the girl to take to Garrus, but to her surprise, the young child had clung to Shepard with slack mandibles and awe struck eyes. Much to Garrus’ amusement. With such an influx of refugees, they duo were going to be stuck in one of the docking bays. If it weren’t for Garrus, Shepard no doubt would have offered up her apartment. The mom and daughter were currently in Garrus’ small apartment he’d used while he was in C-Sec, but kept paying on for Solana to use. 

The group of males behind her pulled her attention back to the present. Whispering about bets. Turians seemed to think that humans couldn’t hear any better than turians. Currently, they were making bets on whether or not a turian could get her to agree to a match in the arena. Double pot if she agreed to sleep with him.

Continuing to read over her messages, she waited patiently for the poor turian to work up the nerve to ask her. She wasn’t the best at waiting but she managed well enough.

“Excuse me, Commander?” the male said, his subvocals warbling nervously.

“How can I help you?” She asked as she shut her omnitool and motion to the seat next to her.

“I was wondering if you’d join me for a match in the arena.” 

“When?” Her time slot was still over two hours away.

“Thirty minutes,” he replied, his mandible twitching. He wasn’t bad looking. Emerald green eyes against a dark silver coloring. White colony markings. Rather attractive broad shoulders and thicker waist. Not very attractive by turian standards which would seem why the bet was placed in the first place.

“Sure, let’s head to the locker room so I can stretch and armor up,” she replied, standing. The turian quickly stood after the initial shock of her agreeing. He’d just won a hefty sum of credits. Had he been a pretty boy like Garrus, Shepard probably would have said no. But this guy needed an ego boost. Confidence was attractive.

Once they were alone in the locker room, Shepard addressed him. “How many credits did you win?”

“What?” he asked, his mandibles clapping nervously against his face.

“Humans have excellent hearing. I’m not angry, I’m just curious.”

“Five thousand,” he replied guiltily. 

Shepard whistled. Must be family money. Or they had a good day at the casino. “Ten if I sleep with you?”

He coughed into his fist. “Yes, Ma’am.”

“I’ll make you a deal. I sleep with you, and you donate that extra five to the refugee fund. We both get to kill some bad guys, get laid, and help some refugees. What do you say?”

“Would I have to tell them of our deal?” He asked, considering her offer.

“Nope, that’s just between us.” She answered as she stood.

“Commander, you do realize I’m not remotely handsome, don’t you? Too big all the way around,” he said shaking his head as if he were dreaming.

“Beauty is in the eye of the beholder,” She replied as she began clipping her armor into place. “I prefer my men more muscular than lean. Hell, even women.”

“I’ve never been with a human,” he said, his eyes showing his desire.

“After my match later, I’ll be more than happy to keep you locked up in my apartment for some lessons in human anatomy,” she said as she entered his personal space, his soft growl sending electricity up her spine.

\--

Of all people to think of after waking up from the post-war coma, she didn’t expect it to be “Gunner”. Hell, she didn’t even know his real name. But he had been absolutely amazing in bed. His friends had been utterly flabbergasted when they smelled her all over him the following day. And Gunner had kept his word, donating half his winnings to the refugee fund. She wondered if he survived. She really hoped so.

“Alright, Commander,” the nurse said as she came in with an old wheel chair. “I’ve been given permission to take you to the diner nearby so you can have some real food.”

“Thank the spirits,” Shepard said as the nurse helped her stand from the bed. She hurt everywhere but food. Real food. “You keep spoiling me and I might just take you home with me,” Shepard joked as the female turian carefully deposited her into the chair.

“Now don’t tease,” she replied with a small laugh. “I doubt my mate could handle that much competition.”

That pulled a raspy laugh from Shepard. “A little competition is good for the soul sometimes.”

“Don’t I know it,” the nurse said as she covered Shepard legs with a blanket Tali had left her before returning to Rannoch.

The trip to the diner was quiet as Shepard took in the damage outside of the hospital. It wasn’t as bad as she expected, though with the keepers she knew it wouldn’t take long for it to look like it had never been war riddled.

The diner wasn’t very busy. The glorious quiet before the lunch rush. She already knew what she wanted. She’d been drooling for one for months.

“It won’t be much longer, Commander, and you’ll be back to your apartment,” the nurse said as they waited for the waiter to move a chair out of Shepard’s way.

“I’d rather be back to work, I worked too damn hard to unite the galaxy to sit idly by,” Shepard replied.

“I’m sure we can manage a desk job for you for the time being. In the embassies.”

“I’ll take it. At least until my ship is repaired or I’m walking. Whichever comes first.”

The diner began to fill as the lunch rush came in. But one person stood out amongst the crowd. One rather handsome turian laughing with a group of turians at a table in the front of the diner. “He’s alive,” she whispered.

“Who?” the nurse asked, laying a hand over Shepard’s.

“Gunner,” she replied. “Would it be weird to ask him to join me after one amazing night of sex before the final push in the war?”

The nurse squeezed her hand and her eyes softened. “My brother has been hounding me for information on your recovery. Begging for a pass to see you. I didn’t realize the feeling was mutual.”

“Really? He’s asked about me? I don’t even know his name, just what that group called him,” Shepard said quietly.

The woman laughed softly, “Allaan Axus is my brother’s name, though we also call him Gunner.”

“Allaan,” Shepard repeated as she looked at the man before looking back to his sister. “Your brother has ruined me for any other.”

Ms. Axus laughed, “I’d say you’ve ruined him, Commander.” The woman scooted out of the booth and stood. “I’ll be right back.” 

Shepard’s nurse approached Gunner. She wasn’t sure what the woman said, only that all eyes turned to her, mandibles slack in astonishment as Gunner stood and bid his farewells to his table. 

It was stupid, she thought as the tears silently fell when he looked at her. One night with that man, just one and she was attached. The warmth in his eyes told her that he was too. He whispered her name as he knelt next to her chair and wiped her tears before gently cupping her head and pressing his forehead to hers.

“How many credits do they owe you this time?” She asked shakily, her throat tight with suppressed emotion.

“Their first borns,” Allaan replied easily, Shepard’s laughter loud and free.

* * *

**FRAIL**

They’d nearly starved to death. All of them. Each member of her family. But they were here now and Doctor Michel assured her they’d be fine.

Never in her life had she been this terrified. Not when slavers attacked her home and murdered her family, not when thresher maws burst from the ground on Akuze, and certainly not when they made their final push on Earth. 

But seeing her family laying in beds, in and out of sleep because their bodies were too malnourished to produce the energy to stay awake nearly killed her. 

Joker was the only one awake because they crew had given up their meals to make sure their pilot was healthy enough to fly. She hugged him gently and thanked him for getting them all home. She knew he felt guilty that they were all in beds, but he shouldn’t. Not when he got them all home. They cried together and Shepard thanked him over and over again.

Every day they gained strength. 

“How are you feeling, James?” Shepard asked quietly as not to wake his roommates.

“I’d feel better if you gave me a kiss,” James flirted. Shepard chuckled but complied with his request. “Now tell me I’m the best you’ve ever had in your bed, Lola.”

Shepard opened her mouth to give him a smartass reply only to be interrupted by the turian in the next bed. “I’m afraid she can’t, Jimmy, because I’m the best she’s ever had in her bed,” Garrus informed him, his mandible twitching in humor.

“I’m afraid you’re both wrong,” another voice chimed in, much to her amusement. “I’m the best she’s ever had in her bed.”

“What?” James squeaked. “I thought you were gay, Esteban!”

“I am,” Steve replied. “But I don’t talk during movies.”

“And he brings snacks,” Garrus added.

Shepard could only laugh at their banter. Gods, she’s missed them all so much. “I love you guys,” she said as she wiped a tear away.

“We love you too, Shepard,” Garrus replied, his voice quiet as he drifted off to sleep again.

* * *

**PALE**

A group of asari maidens were currently discussing Shepard’s freckles against her skin. They thought they were having a hushed conversation, but…they were not.

“Should I tell them how far your freckles go?” Hackett asked before taking a sip of his champagne. 

“And how the hell would you know?” Shepard inquired, feeling rather naked in her Alliance uniform.

“Fornax,” he replied cheekily, smiling when the blush covered her pale cheeks in red. “Quite the articles, I do have to say. Older men, Shepard?”

“By the Goddess,” Shepard muttered as the blush made her ears burn. She’d done the posing for Fornax only for charity. Sure, a lot of her un-photoshopped skin was showing, but they’d respected her decision to keep her private bits covered. The photo session had been done in private with someone Liara trusted. She knew there weren’t any nudes floating around out there.

Plastering a fake smile on, Shepard allowed the maidens to introduce themselves and take holos with her before they began gossiping. Who knew six young women could be so overwhelming.

“I’m sorry, ladies, I need to steal my wife away,” Hackett said as he offered his arm to Shepard. The maiden’s awes followed them as he led Shepard to the opposite side of the room.

“Wife?” she asked.

“If that’s the only way I’ll get to see all your freckles, then yes. Wife,” He replied with a smirk. “Or am I not old enough for your tastes?”

“For fuck’s sake, I’m never going to live this down, am I?” she asked as her blush reappeared.

“Maybe I’ll let it go if you marry me, maybe I won’t.” He replied as he stepped into her personal space, making her look up at him. “One never knows what the future holds.”

“Just one older man in particular,” she said softly, his blue eyes boring into her green.

“Oh?”

“What about regs?” she asked.

“Depends on the people, I suppose,” he returned.

“A Spectre and an Admiral,” she rushed out nervously. 

“If you mean you and Ashley, then I’d say go for it. You’re both Spectres,” he told her.

“I’m not an Admiral and you know damn well that’s not who I was talking about,” she replied, her eyes narrowing in anger.

“It just so happens that I approved a promotion for you today, you should get the message tomorrow, Admiral,” Hackett told her as he opened his omnitool to check the status.

“You’re going to kill me,” she muttered.

“You’ve been saying that for years, Shepard,” Hackett replied. “But back to your question, an Admiral marrying an Admiral isn’t against the regs.”

It took a second for his words to click in her head, his victorious smirk telling her he enjoyed confusing her. It wasn’t exactly professional, but she kissed that smirk away, ignoring the hoots and whistles behind them.

Udina’s doppelganger looked to be close to an aneurism when they parted. Shepard knew they were going to butt heads often.

“Admiral Shepard just agreed to marry me!” Hackett announced much to the politician’s dismay and the crowd’s delight.

* * *

**POTATO**

They were down on a farming colony checking in with the farmers as per Hackett’s instructions. Peacekeeping was never ending, but the Normandy was there if anything went sideways.

“You’re just in time, Commander,” an old woman said. “We’re about to check the potatoes.”

The first crop of potatoes here had been black on the inside, leaving a food shortage planet wide. Scientists came and checked the dirt for something. Shepard wasn’t exactly sure, it was over her head. She could point and shoot, but keeping so much as a plant alive had turned bad. A black thumb. She briefly worried that her bad luck with vegetation might somehow contaminate the farm land. Not superstitious at all.

Shepard stood on the grass, too scared to touch the ground where the crops were. She waited with bated breath as the old woman knelt in the dirt and began to dig. Instead of checking it herself, the woman tossed the potato to Shepard.

“I have a black thumb,” Shepard rushed out. “I’m bad luck.”

“Nonsense,” the old woman said. “You just have more important things to maintain than a plant, child.” Shepard pulled her knife from her boot, sent up a prayer, and cut the potato in half. The old woman chuckled, “Open your eyes young lady.” 

She hadn’t realized she closed them. Looking down, she saw what she prayed for. A perfect healthy potato. Juicy and ripe. Taking a bite, she offered the other half to the old woman. Humming in enjoyment, Shepard looked out over the cheering farmers as they celebrated a healthy crop. 

“Let the harvest begin!” the elder called out as farmers got busy preparing their machines to begin processing what they hoped would be thousands of perfectly grown potatoes. “See, child, you bring good luck.”

* * *

**GUILTLESS**

Never in a million years did she expect to see him again. And especially not married to her dearest friend.

_His hips thrust hard against her as she begs him for more, his mouth leaving marks on her neck and shoulder as her bare back rubs against the rough wall._

‘Ghost’ had turned out to be Thane Krios. Husband to Irikah Krios. Shepard thanked the Gods when Irikah was looking at her husband when she introduced them because she would have given it away. Their tryst in the alley after completing her mission and allowing him to complete his before reporting to her superiors that the job was done… He had shown her gratitude by following her through the back streets before cornering her in a vacant alley. 

The danger intoxicating when he backed her into a doorway.

Shaking her head out of her memories, she took another pull from her beer before paying her tab. Thane obviously loved Irikah, and Shepard did too. But she couldn’t say no to Thane when he looked at her with want. And he’d always find her no matter the name she used.

The sex was never gentle, not that Shepard minded. Finding someone who didn’t treat her like she was fragile because she had a vagina was rare. He came to her when he wanted rough sex. That was it. No love, no emotions. Just professional respect, trust, and a good hard fucking.

Anytime she’d start to feel guilty for what they were doing behind Iri’s back, Thane would appear and fuck her senseless. Emotionally numbing her with mind-blowing orgasms. Those orgasms were another reason she continued the liaison.

By the tingling on the back of her neck, he’d found her again. This time she wouldn’t give in so easily. This time she’d make him chase her, spar with her, before she let him up her short skirt. And she knew he would do so eagerly.


	8. Chapter 8

**PATHETIC**

The excuses were weak. He was in tears on his knees begging for forgiveness while she just sat there empty. And she understood, _she did_. First loves…there would always be some part of you that never stopped loving them. She just never expected that he’d follow through while he was on a mission. 

But he did.

And now she was empty. 

But she understood.

She’d chosen the wrong man. And now she was paying for it.

Kaidan wanted forgiveness for his weakness. He was such a gentle man. Kind, loving, and supportive. She could forgive him easily, and she told him that. But he had to leave. 

If he had loved her, he wouldn’t have been tempted in the first place. And he certainly wouldn’t have followed through. Not that Shepard could blame him. His first love was absolutely beautiful. They looked good together.

He whispered his apology again before picking up his bag and leaving just as quietly as her soul had shattered inside of her.

Kaidan is a good man. People make mistakes and Shepard knew he’d find happiness with the woman he’d chosen over her. 

\--

Months drag by for her. Rumors of James’ achievements in his training reached her ears. He didn’t message her. Not since she chose Kaidan. But she sent him short messages of congratulations every time she heard of his successes. She was proud of him as his former commander. He’d come a long way since the day Earth had been invaded.

Joker was never one to keep things hushed. He told her Kaidan was an idiot when his marriage became public. Shepard just gave him a warm smile, because Joker really was her favorite, and told him that she was fine. Joker would tell her she’s a liar but he loved her anyway.

She couldn’t even recognize her reflection anymore. She looked as empty as she felt. She had to go out like this, to give ranks to the newest graduates of Special Forces training. Including James. The first group to graduate since the war ended. Since the rebuilding. Since her soul shattered because she chose the wrong man. 

She was a pathetic excuse for the woman she used to be. It didn’t stop her from getting the job done. But she couldn’t feel it any more. The victory of a battle won. Now it was just empty. No Garrus at her six, no bantering. Just some marines under her command. All human. No diversity.

She craved the diversity. She missed it. She missed her family.

\--

Exiting the shuttle, she was suddenly grateful she wasn’t required to wear a uniform. It was hot as hell. She wore her N7 tank top and alliance issued cargo pants with her combat boots. 

All she had to do was stand up on stage and give out rank medals as they were handed to her. Shake a hand, congratulate them on their hard work, and smile for a holo. Not unlike graduating high school really. Families came from all over the galaxy to be here for this. 

Looking over the medals, she noticed there were none above the rank of N5. She knew from experience how hard the N7 was to attain. It didn’t mean you couldn’t earn it later, but it would take something extraordinary. She personally hoped no one had to endure what she did to earn the coveted rank. 

The Normandy crew that served with James filled the seats next to the stage in support of him. Steve was the last to join once his shuttle was locked down.

One-by-one the men and women came up on the stage to get their earned rank. All were excited to meet her. Maybe it was fate, Shepard didn’t know, but James was last.

“Congratulations on earning the rank of N5 and successfully completing the toughest training humanity has to offer,” Shepard said as she placed the medal in James’ hand, her fingers tingling as they brushed his palm. 

“Trust me, Lola, this was nothing compared to serving with you,” James teased quietly, her chuckle and smile genuine as he wrapped an arm around her for holos. “Abuela!” James called as the old woman fiddled with her omnitool.

“I still don’t know how to use this, Jimmy, give me a minute. Mierda!” she replied.

Shepard shook her head at James’ embarrassment. “Steve! Could you assist _Jimmy’s_ grandmother?”

“Sure thing, Shep!” Steve said as he jogged over to the woman and pushed a few buttons on her omnitool.

She couldn’t help but smile when the elderly woman told them to. She was adorable. Tiny compared to James. But then, most people were.

\--

Later, she lay in her quarters watching the sun set through her window above her bed. It had been a long ceremony. It had been draining if Shepard was honest. As soon as she got back to the ship, she grabbed a bottle of alcohol and took a quick shower. 

“How much have you drank, Lola?” A voice asked making her tense in surprise. 

“It was full,” she said as she held the bottle up, her emergency induction port hanging out of the bottle. There was more than half left in it. She wasn’t drinking to forget tonight. “Shouldn’t you be out celebrating?” Her heart felt broken and full the moment the bed dipped beside her, his hand finding hers.

“I am, you just got a head start,” he replied quietly. “Joker filled me in.” Her fingers tightened on his as her chest held in emotions she refused to acknowledge. “You’re my first love, Lola.”

And just like that, her heart reopened, the darkness that it held sliding down her cheeks. How could she feel after so long of numbness? And why did it hurt so much to feel?

“I still love you.”

She sobbed harder when he rolled over and pulled her to him, his scent filling her lungs as her bottle of whiskey fell to the floor.

His rough voice whispered against her ear, “Please choose me.”

She nodded, because that’s all she could do as the dam broke, her chest aching as the tears poured down his shirt.

Her heart always knew she should have chosen him, but her head refused to listen. To so much as acknowledge her feelings for the man that was mourning with her. “I’m…so….sorry…” she said as she tried to suck in air.

“It’s okay. We’re where we’re supposed to be now,” he replied. Her hot-headed human krogan the voice of calm and reason. And Gods did she love him. 

She wept again, later, when he made love to her. When he poured his heart into hers, bringing her back to life.

* * *

**EVASIVE**

_They’d drunkenly fell asleep together on his cot. His hard naked body curled behind her mostly clothed one. She’d woken, still drunk, with Garrus’ cock between her thighs, his front still pressed to her back, his breaths slow and even. Even drunk and sleep fogging her mind, she didn’t take advantage. Not until he gripped her hip and growled in her ear._

_Then she was shoving her panties down carefully around his length before angling her hips and letting him slide home. His hips immediately set to work to find his release, their rough moans echoing off the metal wall in front of them as her fingers lazily moved over her clit. She came suddenly, her silent orgasm pulling Garrus to his._

_She drifted to sleep with him still inside of her._

Shaking her head out of the events that had taken place a week ago, she exited the shower in her cabin only to come face to face with the person she was avoiding.

“Garrus,” she said, confused. He rarely ever came to her quarters. It seemed to make him uncomfortable. Except right now. He looked completely different from his usual self. Almost angry, his eyes nearly black as they ran down her body.

“I thought I was dreaming that night,” Garrus said, his voice tight, his mandibles giving no indication of his mood. “Until you stopped coming to see me.” He took a step forward as she took a step back. There was nowhere for her to go with him blocking her entrance to the rest of her cabin. “My cot smelling like your arousal. My cock begging to be buried in you again.” This was a horrible idea. It’ll ruin their friendship more. “Drop the towel, Shepard,” he commanded as he took another step forward, effectively pinning her to her desk.

Run, run, run! Evasive maneuvers!

“Now,” he ordered, his voice dark.

She couldn’t run. Her core demanded release that the turian in front of her promised as he removed his clothing without taking his eyes off of her. Letting the towel fall, she gave in to him. His growl releasing another wave of arousal she was sure he’d been able to smell since she saw him in her room. 

Turning her, her back to him, he ran his hands over her flesh. “You’re mine, Shepard. And I don’t share, ever. Am I clear?” he told her before giving her hair a gentle jerk.

“Yes,” she replied quickly.

“Good,” he replied as he rewarded her by dipping his finger into her entrance.

* * *

**FRUIT**

Now Ashley wasn’t known for being a brown-noser. In fact, she didn’t give a shit what people thought about her. But, she had kissed Shepard in her drunken stupor. Her commanding officer. Her friend. 

And she knew Shepard would wake up with a hangover from the ryncol. Hopefully she wouldn’t remember a thing, but it was Shepard. She remembered everything.

Which was why Ashley was currently slicing the red apples, Shepard’s favorite brand, to go along with the omelet she had talked James into making. Fruit, eggs, toast, and a coffee instead of orange juice. She’d done this a dozen times, easily, but this time she needed it to be perfect. In hopes that Shepard wouldn’t mention Ashley’s stupid, deliciously wonderful, but stupid mistake. 

“Hey, Skipper, brought your breakfast,” Ashley said like she’s always said. And Shepard grunted like she always did. It was going good. The coffee was first, always. Shepard always drank it like she was in a hurry. Ashley’s heart skipped a beat when Shepard patted the spot next to her. Like she always did. Same routine. 

When Ashley turned to put the tray across Shepard’s legs, Shepard’s lips crashed against hers. Then left as quickly as they came, leaving Ashley in a daze.

“My favorite apples, you’re the best, Ash,” Shepard said as her plump lips circled the apple slice before biting a piece off and offering the other half to Ash. Which she took because she was sitting there like she’d been hit with the dumb stick. “Keep spoiling me and I might make you a Shepard,” the commander said with a wink.

Yep, she was going to die. Shepard was going to kill her. In a wonderful way, she was sure, but if she couldn’t even speak now, how the hell was she supposed to survive what Shepard’s eyes were promising?

* * *

**DISPENSABLE**

“They’ll be cannon fodder,” Shepard said angrily to the turian captain.

“It’s an acceptable plan,” he argued.

“The fuck it is!” Shepard returned heatedly. “I don’t throw lives away to advance the cause and I’ll be damned it’ll happen under my watch!”

“With all due respect, Commander,” the captain said as he tried to calm the situation.

“You can kiss my ass, Captain, I’m changing the plans,” Shepard returned as she uploaded her information to the map. 

“Is she always like this?” the Captain asked Garrus.

“Only when leadership is being stupid,” Garrus replied as he stepped up next to Shepard. “What’s the plan, Shepard?”

“Three teams,” Shepard replied. “I’m Alpha, you’re Beta, and James, you’re Charlie,” Shepard said before assigning members to each team. “We hit these three points at the same time, cause some confusion while Kasumi gets to the mainframe for EDI.” The map expanded again to show two areas open. “The shuttle pad will need to be monitored from space and easily taken over if any opposition shuttle lands.” Shepard paused long enough for the Captain to hand out orders to his flight team. “The land rover bay will need to be hacked and locked out. EDI can’t do that until she’s in their system and I can’t chance anyone getting out.”

“I’ll do it, Shepard,” a new voice said as they joined the briefing.

“Glad you could join us, Tali,” Shepard said with a smile. “You and your marines can lock the doors and take out any that are incoming. The victims have already been moved and another shipment isn’t due for hours.”

Once everyone had their orders and began preparations, the Captain approached Shepard again. “It’s a sound plan, Shepard but what happens when one of your teams fail?”

“My men don’t fail, Captain. Not when there’s so much at stake,” she replied tightly. They only had so much time to get the information stored in the facility. It could mean life or death for the men and women currently being held as future slaves. The incoming shipment absolutely had to land.

“What do you need me to do?” he asked.

“Pray your men can keep up with living legends,” Shepard replied honestly. Her team was the best there was. That was fact. And they worked hard every single day for it.

* * *

**MAGNIFICENT**

Vacation. Her very first voluntary vacation. On a beach no less! Dropping her bags at the foot of the bed in her little bungalow, she scanned for bugs before stripping and changing into a brand new bikini she’d grabbed at the gift shop.

There was a nice private strip of beach with a hammock calling her name directly in front of her, she thought as she covered her body in sunscreen. No need to burn.

\--

He found her asleep in the hammock, the wind blowing her hair and making the hanging bed sway. She looked utterly gorgeous. And the most peaceful he’s ever seen in all the years he’s known her. 

Snapping a few silent holo’s, he gave her one last soft look before heading inside her small quarters. She didn’t know he was here, though he doubted she would mind. Getting away from work while the galaxy was still rebuilding had been difficult, but not impossible.

Her laughter made his head snap in her direction, only to find her twirling in the sudden downpour. Raining when the sun shone bright, that beautiful woman freely enjoying it, her wet skin shining as bright as her smile. He snapped more holo’s before she noticed she had company. He would return to them often, he thought, as her open joy grew when she caught sight of him. And just like the first time he saw her, he was entranced.


	9. Chapter 9

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm very late to updating!
> 
> My kids forgot Mother's Day, so I was bummed. Monday I had 15 errands to run, literally. Tuesday I had 5 errands and then company. Wednesday we cleaned and mowed the lawn for my daughter's SURPRISE 16th birthday party Sunday, then I worked. Today its toenail painting with the bestie in preparation for my son's 8th grade graduation. And work.
> 
> Summer is almost here, I'm almost close to free time. *cries*
> 
> Happy belated Mother's Day to all you moms and single dads rocking both roles.

**GRASS**

It had taken months of hard therapy to be able to walk again. Months of seeing her crew in passing, months of eating shitty hospital food, and months of the government begging her to become Councilor.

Which was why she was taking a leave of absence from the Spectre’s and the Alliance while she decided what she wanted to do with her life now that the war was done.

But why Joker dropped the mako so damn far from her little home on Inter’sai, she didn’t know. The shithead. Though, she was somewhat grateful. The once desert area her home sat on was now tall grass and weeds. She didn’t realize how four years could change a place so much. Ahern assured her that the place was intact though, and of course, that it was hers once again.

Following the road around a sharp corner, the tall grass disappeared. Replaced by a freshly manicured lawn. She owned one hundred acres of this gorgeous little planet. When she came into view of her house, she caught sight of a shirtless Garrus and James as they hefted large stone bricks. And Steve _directing_. It warmed her heart to see her crew, especially since they said they were stuck at work. Assholes lied to her.

“What the fuck are y’all doing on my land?” Shepard asked jokingly as soon as she exited the Mako.

Oh and look, the shuttle hadn’t been gone for hefty repairs, the group had gone ahead of Shepard.

“Making a fire pit, of course,” Steve replied with a smile before he gave her a strong hug. “I’ve missed you, beautiful.”

“Now, Steve, you keep talking to me like that and I might beg you to marry me,” Shepard teased before kissing his forehead. “I missed you too, Stud.” If only he swung her way. She adored him.

“Ahern contacted us,” Garrus said as he approached her. “He told us it was all over-grown and with his leg the way it is, he couldn’t do it.”

How that man survived, Shepard didn’t know. He lost his leg, but thankfully the geth were able to come up with the supplies needed to begin cloning limbs. His leg was there, just incredibly weak. He didn’t have Shepard’s cybernetics to aid in the muscle growth.

“It looks great guys, thank you,” Shepard said fondly. “But, is it just me or has my house gotten... bigger?”

James immediately went back to work, and Steve made himself scarce as Garrus coughed nervously into his hand to buy himself time for the explanation she knew was coming.

“I didn’t think you’d mind, but now that I think about it, I should’ve talked to you first,” Garrus said, his mandibles flickering nervously against his face. “All of us chipped in to have a few prefab buildings added on.”

“All of who?” Shepard asked, curious. They weren’t small add-ons and were likely expensive. It looked like a small city. A beautiful, shiny mansion.

“Ashley, Joker, Karin, Tali, Kasumi, Zaeed, Samara, Jack, Miranda, Jacob, Grunt, Wrex, Kirahee, Ken, Gabby, Adams, Hackett, Aria, Liara, Feron, Javik, Victus, Councilors, and myself,” Garrus rushed out so quickly a salarian would have sucked in a breath in sympathy.

“So…everyone?” She asked with a smirk.

“Yes,” Garrus said, his eyes boring into hers, waiting to see if she would be angry.

“But why?”

“So we can all see each other,” Garrus said quietly. “Your original home is unchanged. The new parts offer a larger gathering room, a kitchen tailored for all species, and small bedrooms with their own bathrooms also tailored for specific species.”

“Oh, is that all?” She asked, her mask firmly in place but her heart swelling.

“A small theatre for entertainment, and a gun range and sparring area in the basement,” he said, his embarrassment covering his neck in dark blue.

“No armory?” she question teasingly but burst into laughter when Garrus’ neck darkened further.

“The room that leads into the basement,” Garrus muttered as he eyed the ground.

“And the fire pit?” She asked pointing to where James was stacking the stone blocks.

“Steve’s idea,” Garrus said, his face still angled to the ground.

“I love you,” Shepard told him with a smile as she lifted his chin.

“You aren’t angry?”

“Not even a little bit, Garrus. I really didn’t want the solitude while I’m trying to make life changing decisions.”

“And if I told you Victus is giving me the freedom to go wherever you go?” Garrus asked as he pulled her to him.

Shepard laughed softly before she pressed her forehead to her mates, “That definitely helps with that part of my decision. But I don’t want you to be held back by me.”

“Never. There’s positions for me in either position you choose, Shepard,” Garrus told her, his hands tightening on her hips. “I go where you go.”

“Jeez, Lola, get a room!” James teased as he wiped sweat from his brow.

* * *

**DISASTROUS**

It was always the same dream. The scent of blood, choking as it poured from her mouth. She couldn’t breathe, couldn’t move, and couldn’t scream for help. 

Never in her life had she felt PTSD like she did now. The cause being the crucible. She expected to die. Hell, she wanted to die. To just be done with all the fighting. 

But life had other plans for her. Life wanted her to be awake underneath rubble she couldn’t move.

_Her mouth filling with the blood from her lip because she couldn’t turn her head to let it drain. She spit and spit but she still felt like she was suffocating to death._

_That hadn’t even been the most painful part. That had been the pain she felt when Wrex lifted the rubble off of her, her scream nothing more than a gurgle as her head fell to the side and blood poured the ground._

_When they carefully lifted her onto a gurney, but she couldn’t scream then either. There was no blood pouring into her mouth this time. She’d been crushed, fortunate to be breathing, they said. She couldn’t speak, her voice just gone._

_And even all of that couldn’t compare to seeing Anderson barely alive in the bed next to her. Exam rooms turned into makeshift operating rooms. It was dangerous to have them both in there, she thought as they began to strip her armor. He could get an infection from her. He would die. He couldn’t die. If he did, then they might as well kill her too. Seeing him in love with another woman…that she could live with. She could deal with that. But not seeing him? Not hearing his laughter? No, she couldn’t deal with that. She couldn’t live a life without that._

_But no one heard her pleas. They continued to operate on him like she wasn’t there mentally screaming at them to decon the room. Something, anything that would give him a better chance to survive. So that her being in here wouldn’t kill him._

_“Her voice is damaged, Doctor. Multiple contusions, broken bones, a punctured lung, shattered pelvis…a fucking nightmare,” the doctor said. “How she’s awake, I have no idea. She was crushed!”_

_“That’s because you don’t know how strong she is,” the Doctor whispered as she interrupted Shepard’s line of sight. “Get the room sectioned off and decontaminated, now,” Doctor Michel ordered to the staff. Shepard nodded the best she could to the woman in thanks. “He’ll be fine, Commander, don’t you worry. Now, in order to ration our pain medication, would you let me put you in a medical induced coma to set these bones?” The doctor wiped a spot on Shepard’s forehead, the sting just barely there. “You’ll need surgery and I’d rather use the pain medication once that’s done.”_

_Giving one last look to David, she nodded to the doctor. She knew medications had to be rationed. It was smart. There was so much pain that she barely felt any of it. Shock, she thought. She was going into shock. That was a first. Doctor Michel was trying to knock her unconscious before her blood pressure and heart rate made it difficult for them to work on her._

\--

Months would pass before they let her wake up. She had no voice, could only hear out of one ear, but her body was mostly healed. 

And David was waiting for her next to the bed. She cried then, seeing him alive. He held her and said nothing.

Kahlee hadn’t made it through the war, David told her. She sacrificed herself so a group of civilians could be escorted to safety. Shepard made sure she had received the highest honors possible. That woman, Shepard thought, was the kind of badass she hoped she could be someday. An amazing woman. 

Now, though, now she was trying to catch her breath from the nightmare that seemed to never lessen her fear of suffocating. Warm hands rubbed up and down her back as she slowly worked on getting her heart rate down.

With the medical community trying to get back to their former glory, Shepard still didn’t have a voice. Her ear drum had repaired itself thankfully and Miranda assured Shepard that her cybernetics would to do same for her voice when the more serious issues were completely taken care of. But that had been a while ago. She may never get her voice back again.

She was currently staying in her apartment on the Citadel, which was a little roomier than her cabin on the Normandy. Leadership had pitched in and got the apartment cleaned up and repaired so that Shepard could recuperate there instead of the dry-docked ship.

David had taken it upon himself to be in charge of her care. In the year they’d been here, they’d grown close. Shepard had always loved him, but he hadn’t seen it. She wouldn’t let him see it. Not when his heart beat for Kahlee. Not when he was mourning her sacrifice. He was alive. He was breathing and that was all she truly cared for. 

But there he was, taking another disaster and turning it around into pleased gasps as his hands roamed her scarred flesh. The nightmares faded as the pleasure grew. Tears fell as she basked in the waves of her orgasm. And declarations of love filled her ears as he pulled her back to sleep after finding is own release inside of her.

* * *

**RETURN**

The rumor was that Shepard was retiring. She couldn’t help but laugh as she put a bullet through Vido’s head. Dumbfucks.

“Ladies and gentlemen, please be advised that the Blue Suns Organization is changing hands,” Shepard said loudly as she exited Vido’s office, addressing the dead man’s leadership below.

She hadn’t been here for them, so she’d had Liara put them in stasis so she could deal with the actual threat.

“Who’s that?” a human asked, fear evident on his face.

“Me,” Zaeed said as he stepped into the cargo hold below her. “Time to take the Blue Suns back to what they were.”

The human snorted. He was too young to know, but Shepard had done her homework. And she trusted Zaeed. “You, Alex Smith, husband and father of two,” Shepard said. “Wouldn’t you rather your wife and children not have to worry about your safety? About whether or not a raid would be successful so they could eat?”

“How the hell…” he said, his face paling, but Shepard went on to the next.

“And you. Wouldn’t you rather the Blue Suns become respectable so that you and your husband can finally adopt?”

“Yes, Ma’am,” the man said, his shoulders slumping.

“And you, Miriam,” Shepard said looking to the young purple haired woman. “Wouldn’t you rather have a steady paycheck to help support your mother?” She nodded before covering her face as she wept in sorrow.

Oh yes, Shepard had done her homework, thanks to Liara. “And you, Fredrick. Being able to afford a better home for your little sister in a decent neighborhood would be preferable, yes?”

The man nodded to her.

“Good, so we’re in agreement,” Shepard said as Zaeed joined her at the top of the stairs. “Massani here is taking back control of the Blue Suns. He plans to turn it into a highly respected organization. You can join him, or leave. If anyone tries to undermine his progress, I’ll shoot them myself.”

“I could just bend you over Vido and fuck you into oblivion, Shepard,” Massani whispered roughly after his officers left to take the news to their comrades under the supervision of her squad. 

“Oh?” She asked huskily. “Can’t we just shove his body on the floor so you can fuck me on your new desk?”

“Goddam woman, got me really uncomfortable in this armor,” Zaeed growled as he turned her back to the office she came from.

“Office warming gift it is,” Shepard said with a chuckle as the hungry bounty hunter ushered her through the door.

* * *

**CARING**

With his eyes on the datapad, Hackett listened to Hannah lecture Shepard as the young woman was currently resting on her couch inside of her luxurious apartment. And it was nice, Hackett thought.

“Why do you insist on running around playing hero?” Hannah asked.

Hackett sighed when the woman once again cut her daughter’s answer off. He wasn’t sure why the elder Shepard was even here. It had been a month since Steven had put the call in to her but she’d only just made the time to come see how her daughter was doing.

Their convoy had been ambushed on Tuchanka by a small group of krogan that wanted to continue the old way of life. Shepard had been injured protecting children.

“As the sister to the clan leader, it is my job to insure the safety of the women and children while they are being moved to a newly built area,” Shepard said tiredly.

“You are human! You are not a krogan’s sister!” Hannah screeched.

“She can be anything she damn well wants to be, you daft bitch,” a new voice growled making Hackett look up.

“What are _you_ doing here?” Hannah asked, her mask falling into place almost as easily as Jane’s.

“He’s been taking care of me while I’m healing,” Shepard returned with a smirk. “Best dad ever!”

Hannah snorted as she crossed her arms under her breasts, “And Hackett is warming your bed?” She said jokingly.

“Actually, yes,” Shepard replied with a cheeky smile.

Hackett had a very hard time hiding his smile. He’d never stepped foot in her bedroom, but apparently her mother took it as truth. Instead of answering the question in Hannah’s eyes, he stood and joined Shepard on the couch before placing a kiss to her brow and pulling her flush against his side. 

“It’s part of her job to help keep the peace that was brokered during the war,” Hackett informed her. “And if you read her file, Urdnot Wrex is listed as her sibling.”

“And Grunt as her son,” Zaeed added. “Damn fine grandson if I do say so myself.”

“What?” Hannah said. “Have you all lost your damn minds?”

Shepard looked at both men before returning her confused gaze back to her mother. “We’re perfectly sane. At least my psych eval said I was…”

“This is an outrage!” Hannah growled as her face once again turned red.

“By the spirits, don’t tell me Udina was my grandfather?!” Shepard asked, her eyes wide.

“You know what, I’m going to go,” Hannah said as she picked her jacket up from the seat in front of her.

“I apologize, Mother,” Shepard said from the couch. “I didn’t realize you were xenophobic.”

Hackett knew for fact that Shepard has always known, which was probably why she went out of her way to befriend other species. 

“I should be grateful your partner is human. You could at least give me human grandchildren,” her mother said as she angrily shoved her arms in her jacket.

“Oh, about that…” Shepard said with a sigh. “I’m sterile. Side effect of death I’m afraid.”

Hackett tensed. He hadn’t known that she couldn’t bear children. _How heavy was that loss on her?_ , he thought, as her fingers intertwined with his, his body relaxing back against her.

“Why are you so difficult, Jane?” her mother asked, her sadness seeming to be genuine. 

“Why are you so judgmental?” Shepard returned, the muscle in her leg pulling her attention to it. Hackett moved her free hand away and began to massage her thigh, trying to loosen the muscle that was trying to cramp.

“That’s not fair, I worked hard to raise you,” Hannah pouted. Hackett remembered this game from Shepard’s childhood. The guilt trip. He never approved of it and it always angered him.

“Actually, Anderson raised me. You were never home,” Shepard told her, her chin up in defiance. “So it’s only natural that I take after him.”

Shepard sighed in relief when her mother left. Hackett said nothing as she rested her head back against his arm, her thumb tracing his knuckle as his other hand continued to massage the muscles. 

He was in awe of her when she was a child, so dead set to learn everything her adopted father could teach her. And still as an adult simply by meeting her eyes. He loved her. Never in his wildest dreams did he think that quiet little kid would grow up to be such a powerful, loving woman. But he still couldn’t bring himself to tell her. He was old enough to be her father. 

“Here, Love,” Zaeed said quietly. “Eat this.”

When Zaeed moved to put the tray down across Shepard’s lap, Hackett tried to extract himself from her, only for her to guide his hand under her arm as she sat forward to eat. He took the opportunity to move his hand over her muscles across her tense back. 

Steven Hackett was in over his head with this woman.

* * *

**SATISFYING**

Winning the bet wasn’t a surprise to her. For the few men on the Normandy that bet against her though? Oh, they had to pay up. She had been planning it for weeks. They lost twenty-four hours of their shore leave to her. 

And damn it if she wasn’t excited.

She’d had them a _uniform_ delivered to their cabins after informing them that they’d be volunteering at a charity function she was hosting. The guys were going to be put to use. 

At an upscale strip club. 

The club had contacted Shepard to let her know they were short waiters. What better way to collect on her debt than to volunteer some of the guy’s shore leave to help raise money?

Garrus, Vega, Kaidan, and Cortez were going to be her waiters tonight. Six hours of half-naked fundraising. Shepard wouldn’t miss the show for anything. 

\--

Growling in frustration, she entered the dressing room the four men were in. All but one dressed for the event. 

“Care to tell me why you aren’t in those leather pants, Vega?” Shepard asked.

She listened to him complain as she checked the other men’s costumes. Cortez helping Garrus with the bow tie while Kaidan slathered Cortez in a soft glittery lotion.

“I could put you in the leather speedo instead,” Shepard said as she turned her face back to James. “I just thought I’d give my favorite men some coverage. Leather pants and a bow tie. But if you would rather,” Shepard said as she began to dig in her bag.

“No!” James said immediately. “These are fine!”

The truth was that she didn’t like to share her men. She was a little possessive. As was Kaidan with Steve. 

“When you’re finished, meet me at the bar,” she said with a victorious smirk before leaving the room.

They didn’t have much time before the doors opened and from the line outside, they were going to raise quite a bit of credits tonight. She’d even talked the club owner into letting Shepard order his employees bow ties to go with the event. Glyph was her inspiration.

From her seat at the bar, she watched her men make their way to her as she sipped her martini. James looked horribly out of place, but damn if he wasn’t sexy as hell.

Looking Steve over, she gave him a wink and a light pat on his ass before nodding her head to the person coordinating tables.

“Damn, Kaidan,” she said as the lights cut out and the club lights flicked on, bathing him in colors. She let him tip her head back to plant a soft kiss on her lips before he left to join Steve.

Garrus was next, his usual swagger showing his confidence. “Come here often?” he purred as his hand ran up her thigh, making her shiver in arousal. 

“Only when the show is this good,” she replied before he pressed his forehead to hers and joined the others.

“Lola, I feel ridiculous,” James said as he stood before her.

Setting her drink aside, she reached her hand around to grip his ass. “But you look so delicious, James.”

“Yeah?” he asked huskily.

“Yes,” she whispered as he moved in closer. “I can’t wait to get you all back to the apartment and have my way with you.”

“Mierda, Lola,” James said roughly. “I’m going to have a boner all night now.”

“I’ll take care of it later,” she said before kissing him. “I promise.”

They had no clue they were going to wait on her hand and foot for the remainder of the time they owed her. And that those leather pants gave her the idea of them being her servants. So much fun to have, so little time. 

It was likely by the end of the night that their skin would be over touched and sensitive. Perhaps she needed to rearrange her schedule for her servants before taking them to bed. 

Shepard sighed happily as a new drink was presented to her while the doors opened. She was so glad Steve didn’t mind sharing Kaidan with her and that neither of them minded her watching sometimes. She very much wanted to watch later and see how well they all followed orders. 

And perhaps, hear them beg for release.


	10. Chapter 10

**SLOPPY**

A grunt left her lips as Doctor Michel dug for the bullet. Damn thugs got the jump on her. The doctor was talking. She was always talking. But this time Shepard didn’t hear anything. Her mind was on the mistake she made. 

It was rare that anyone was able to jump her. So focused on her target that she didn’t feel the draft from the hidden door. Garrus was going to be pissed. 

“Shepard, what the hell happened?” Sparatus asked as the door shut behind him, interrupting her thoughts.

“Hidden door,” she replied as the doctor cleansed the open wound in her leg.

“Where the hell was your squad?” he asked, his subvocals loud and his mandibles clicking in anger.

“They’re on shore leave, Councilor, I didn’t want to disturb them.”

“You work best with a team,” he said. “What happened the last time you worked alone, Shepard?”

Great. Another failure. That damn batarian colony had been a huge defeat in her mind. Even if it did delay the reapers for six months. “I almost died.”

The doctor inserted medigel before sewing up the wound as the turian grumbled in the corner. “All done, Commander. I recommend you take it easy for the next day while the medigel closes the wound.”

As soon as the doctor left the room, Sparatus approached her. “What the hell were you thinking? Spirits, Shepard!”

“I’ve been injured dozens of times on missions you’ve given me, what makes this one different?” she asked tiredly as she slid from the bed and began to lock her armor back in place.

“Because it was personal,” he growled. 

“You used Council resources for a personal matter?” Shepard asked, fire slowly building in her core. 

“Don’t scold me, Shepard,” he replied as he wrapped his arm around her to support her as soon as she locked the last piece of armor in place. “We’ll talk about this later.”

\--

Later ended up being well into the night after Sparatus made sure she was changed and fed. 

“I had a mistress,” he started.

“Yeah, I know,” she replied, amused. 

“How? Never mind,” he said as he rubbed his hands over his face. “The conniving bitch was trying to blackmail me.”

“Why?”

Sparatus looked absolutely pitiful. With a groan, he leaned back on the couch. “I slept with a human.” Shepard snorted, desperately trying to hold in her laughter that was threatening to spill out. “It’s not funny, Shepard.”

She couldn’t stop it. She laughed and she laughed hard. Her stomach clenched in pain as she tried to suck in air. 

Sparatus stared at her, unamused, with his arms crossed across his chest.

“I’m…sorry,” she said as she got herself in control. “It’s not funny in the way you’re thinking.” When he said nothing, she continued. “I just killed a gang, with your ex-mistress in charge, all because you slept with a human?”

“Yes.”

“I’ve slept with numerous species so I’m not understanding why this is important. Were you afraid your wife would find out?”

“I don’t have a wife, or mate, or significant other in any form,” Sparatus said quietly. “She wanted money to keep her mouth shut.”

“And if you didn’t pay up?”

“She’d send it to Westerlund,” Sparatus said.

“Sparatus, there’s no shame in bedding a human, high-ranking politician or not. Just ask Victus,” Shepard told him quietly.

“That wasn’t all, Shepard,” he whispered as he leaned forward with his elbows on his knees and his head in his hands. “It was an escort service.”

“Still not bad,” she said gently.

He laughed without humor, “For Commander Shepard look-a-likes.”

This time she was stunned into silence. Oh, dear. Now that turians weird sentences made sense. Shepard’s heard of a lot of things, including porn, with those that resemble her quite a bit, but an escort service?

“You ordered an escort girl…”

“Yes,” he whispered miserably. 

“…that looks like me…” she continued as if he hadn’t interrupted her.

“This is humiliating.”

“…specifically to have sex with?” Her voice felt unfamiliar to her as it rose in pitch. “And then, hired me to kill the ex-mistress and her gang of horribly trained mercs because they knew?”

“Yes!” He growled as he stood up and began pacing. “And you end up getting injured!”

“Which part is humiliating?” she asked trying to decide if she was upset or not. “That you slept with my look-a-like or that I know that you did?”

“That you know,” he said as he grabbed a bottle dextro whiskey off of her bar. 

“Was that your first human?” Now she was just curious, and a little turned on even if he did abuse his position.

“Yes,” he said before gulping down the drink straight from the bottle.

“Did you enjoy it?”

“Not really,” he replied as he collapsed back onto the couch next to her.

“Why not?” she asked.

“She didn’t carry your scent,” he replied solemnly. Her scent would be easy to ignore for other turians that had never met her. 

She sat quietly as she processed trying to figure out the last few years of experiences with him. But nothing jumped out as any different in her memories except when the reapers invaded. “Was it physical or emotional, Sparatus?” she asked softly, hoping he would answer.

“Both,” he admitted.

“Why didn’t you just talk to me?” she questioned as she turned her body to him carefully. “Is it against the rules to sleep with a spectre?”

“No,” he answered, completely ignoring the first question. He really did look pitiful.

“Sparatus…Dorran,” she said as she lay her hand on his arm. “Talk to me.”

“I was horrible to you in the beginning, how could I ever approach you after the way I treated you?” He said, his eyes finally meeting hers. “I wanted you the moment I laid eyes on you and I felt like a traitor for it.”

“And now?”

“You’re still the most breath-taking woman I’ve ever laid eyes on.” She’s heard many sweet words spill from men’s mouths but never had those words brought tears to her eyes like his did. “Are you upset with me because of the escort?” He asked softly.

She shook her head no, not trusting herself to speak. Instead, she tugged his carapace towards her, hoping he’d get the hint. And he did. A quiet sigh left his mouth as he leaned into her, his face buried in her hair. “Just taken back is all,” she said quietly, her voice cracking with emotion.

“You need to be cleaned up, you still smell like battle,” Sparatus said as he pulled away and stood. 

She chuckled roughly, “I stink, huh?”

“No, you smell amazing. Better than I dreamed,” he said as he helped her stand before scooping her up in his arms. “But I read humans enjoy bathing after battle.”

“You just want to see me naked,” she teased as she pointed to the stairs.

“That too,” he replied with just as much humor.

* * *

**DISGUSTED**

This place was a horror show. If Anderson didn’t fulfill his end of the mission, she would likely be implanted with a chip and transported to the next slave sale. As it was, they were trying to break her.

And the turian female next to her.

Shepard had to admit, her spirit was strong and she refused to give in, no matter the tactic they used. Including the kind they were both receiving now. But that wasn’t a batarian forcing himself inside of her in hopes Shepard would crumble. It was a human. 

Later, when they had tossed the pair in a cell, Shepard held the turians hand and promised her it’d be over soon. How long had the woman been there? The room was cold, too cold for the turian.

“I’m going to wrap myself around you for body heat,” Shepard whispered. They wouldn’t last long if Anderson didn’t get a move on.

\--

“Shepard?” A soft voice said, interrupting her memories. “What are you thinking about?”

“You,” she responded honestly. “You’re the strongest person I’ve ever met.”

“No, just stubborn,” the woman said before nuzzling Shepard’s temple and pulling the sheet up their naked bodies. “Let’s get some sleep.”

“M’kay,” Shepard replied as she snuggled up to her partner.

* * *

**ENTER**

The knock on the door pulled her from the datapad. Where was her assistant? “Come in,” she called toward the door.

“Commander,” the turian guard said as he entered the room. 

“Yes, what can I do for you?” she answered as she signed off on the datapad and set it in her outbox.

“You asked me to let you know when it was midnight,” the guard said nervously.

“Already?” she asked as she looked on the clock on her temporary desk. “I really hate this job,” she muttered as she carefully stood and reached for her cane. It felt like nothing ever got done.

Until a new Councilor was elected, Shepard was stuck filling in while she recovered. As it was, she was being reprimanded for staying too late, causing her guards to become over-worked. And she missed her allotted time with her physical therapist to soak in the hot tub.

“Want to make some extra credits?” She asked as she slowly rounded the desk.

“Doing what?” the guard questioned.

“Playing my physical therapist,” she replied as he walked slowly next to her. “I need someone to help me soak in my hot tub to loosen my muscles.”

“You don’t have to pay me to help you, Commander,” the guard said quietly. “It would be an honor.”

The guard dismissed the rest of her detail as he helped her to the transport station. The ride home was quiet.

After nearly falling to get to the elevator, the guard picked her up and carried her the rest of the way to her apartment, then up the stairs to the room she guided him to. The man stripped easily as she struggled to remove her boots. 

“What’s your name?” she asked as he carefully lifted her foot and began to remove her boots.

“Kiplin,” he replied as he set the first boot aside.

“How did you become assigned to me?” she asked as she wiggled her now free toes, much to his amusement.

“I requested it,” he replied easily as he helped her remove her shirt. 

“Why the hell would you request yourself in my detail?” She asked with humor. The name Shepard wasn’t exactly known for a quiet life.

“You saved my sister’s life on Tuchanka,” he said as a blue blush darkened his neck.

She hummed as he finished removing her remaining clothing before lifting her and carrying her to the bathroom. 

A happy sigh left her mouth as soon as the heat hit her skin. Kiplin sat down in the middle of the tub with her in his lap. He sank easily. But she kept trying to float which made the man’s brow plate raise in curiosity.

“You humans are so odd,” he said with humor as he anchored her down by her hips.

Carefully resting her legs on either side of his hips, she could do nothing but agree. “We even get in the water for fun.” 

“What made you accept my application?” he asked.

“You’re background check was clean and I was impressed with your military file,” she answered honestly.

“It had nothing to do with my sister?” 

“Not to diminish her life or existence,” Shepard said quietly. “We saved so many people I don’t remember them.”

“I believe that, Commander,” Tiplin replied.

“Just Shepard,” she said. “After all, we are completely naked together.”

“I hadn’t noticed,” he joked warmly as he supported her. 

Later, when he dried her off and helped her redress, he tucked her into bed with a towel around his waist. “Tiplin, are you mated?”

“No,” he replied in confusion, his mandibles flickering slightly.

“Why don’t you just sleep here then? I’ve worked you all too hard, you especially,” she said as she patted the empty side of the bed.

“I don’t know if that’d be proper…”

“We just bathed naked together,” she said with a chuckle. “But if you’re uncomfortable, then it’s okay to say no.”

The bed dipped beside her as he called for lights out, his body heat further relaxing her as soon as he was under the covers.

* * *

**SCISSORS**

The turian writhed in pain on the floor as others pressed themselves against the sides of the shuttle as best they could. None of them were medics. Shepard cursed before ordering to Garrus to get the med kits as she began removing her armor to strip down to prevent any contamination from her battle covered armor.

“Shepard, we have a problem,” Garrus said as he knelt down next to her. “No scissors or scalpel.”

She cursed again. How could there not be? They were new kits! Shepard knew what that meant. Garrus couldn’t physically help her. “Okay, load the med scanner while I strip him,” she commanded. She could hear trills of worry around her as the man’s brothers-in-arms watched helplessly. 

The turian’s underarmor was soaked in blood near the side of his waist. Shepard hoped there was a hole in the cloth where the shrapnel entered. But it had melted closed. _Fuck._

“Are you levo sensitive?” she asked the wide eyed turian. She barely heard his no. Her training in turian field medicine wasn’t extensive. She took the classes Chakwas recommended when Garrus joined her squad years ago, but never in her wildest dreams did she ever think she’d have to use it.

Leaning over, she gripped a small piece of the underarmor with her teeth, hoping it’d be enough to make a hole she could stick her finger in. It wasn’t sanitary in the slightest, but it was still safer than having Garrus do it. 

The man’s blood was tangy against her lips as she jerked the fabric with her teeth. The soft rip was a sound of victory to her as she quickly released the fabric and tore it open with her hands.

A small piece of scorched metal was sticking out of his waist, the soft leathery skin around the wound burned, but thankfully not closed. Blood still slowly trickled from the wound as Garrus scanned it. 

The turian was lucky, Shepard thought, as she looked at the scanner. A centimeter over and it would have scraped a vital organ. He would have died from internal bleeding. 

With a sigh, Shepard motioned Garrus to secure the turians legs while she straddled the man’s carapace. “I’m sorry that this is not exactly appropriate,” she said over her shoulder. “But I need to remove it at the same angle it entered.” The man said nothing as his gloved hands gripped her calves over her underarmor. 

Shepard hadn’t lied, she did need to remove it at the same angle, but her sitting on his chest was for his benefit. If he was restrained he wouldn’t be able to cause more damage. At least in theory. Shepard knew damn well that the turian could easily throw her weight off, she just hoped he had more discipline than that.

“Take slow, calming breaths,” she said as the turians hands clenched her calves tighter. They would bruise she had no doubt. “I’m going to count to three then remove it.” As soon as she said one she pulled the shrapnel free while doing her best to stay balanced on top of the growling turian. 

Since there was no cleansing agent, she filled the wound with medigel before removing herself off of him. “Blood pressure is good, Shepard,” Garrus said as he monitored his omnitool.

“I’m going to give you some pain medication and a dose of antibiotics,” she told the man as she came into his line of side. “We’ll be back to the Normandy in about forty minutes.”

The turian nodded stiffly as Shepard injected him with medication. He gripped her hand when she was done, staring at her, until the pain medication forced his body to relax, and his eyes closed in exhaustion.

“Let’s cover him to keep him warm,” Shepard said before Garrus handed her a packaged emergency blanket.

“You’ve got turian blood on your mouth, hands, and waist,” Garrus said as he dug in the med kit for wipes. “But it looks like we’re out of wipes too.”

Shepard snorted. “It’s not the first time I’ve been covered in turian blood.” When Garrus gave her an odd look, she smirked. “Rocket?”

“Oh, right,” he said as he ran a finger over his scarred mandible. “Did I ever thank you for saving my life?” He flirted as he wrapped his arms around her.

“You know, I don’t think you have,” she replied as he pressed his forehead to hers.

It was easy to forget there was a shuttle full of turian survivors when Garrus talked to her like she was the only one that existed. Until James coughed awkwardly.

“Can’t you guys at least wait until we’re home before you start that,” James said, embarrassed. “Get a room, joder.”

The pair chucked before Garrus turned Shepard’s back to his chest and reached up to grab a handle to support them both while wrapping an arm under her breasts. “Oh, we have that,” Garrus teased. 

“Do you know what is important to the success of a relationship?” A male turian asked James. “Stealing moments as often as you can.”

“Yeah,” James said. “Yeah.” 

The man said nothing as he sat back in thought.

The rest of the ride was quiet, the turians utterly exhausted from their battle of survival. 

\--

After Garrus thoroughly thanked her, she showered and made her way to the medbay to check in on the injured turian. 

“You did a good job, Shepard,” Doctor Chakwas said from her chair. “I cleaned and redressed the wound. He’ll be ready to fight in a week.”

Exiting to the mess hall, Kaidan filled her in on their guests. They’d all had a warm meal and a shower. Their armor was left with James and a few extra hands to clean while the Normandy crew gave up their beds so the turians could rest.

With another sixteen hours until they met up with a turian ship, she decided to head down to the armory and help clean the overused weapons the turians had left when they exited the shuttle. 

There weren’t many people in the cargo hold. Makeshift tables had been set up for the extra armor that James and two other ensigns were working on cleaning. “How’s it going?” she asked as she stepped up next to James.

“Slow. I don’t know how long they were out there, but there is blood, reaper goo, and mud caked into every crevice.”

Patting his shoulder, she moved to the weapons table and took a seat. Laying out a clean towel, she grabbed the first rifle off of the stack on the cart and began to take it apart. She loved cleaning weapons. It was relaxing. Soothing. 

Whomever used this rifle got really fucking lucky, she thought as she examined a fragile spring. One more overheat and the rifle would have stopped working. Before she could get up to grab a new spring, Steve came jogging over.

“I’ll just push the whole thing to you, Shepard,” he said as he unlocked the wheels. 

Steve set up her work station and ran back and forth to their mod crates to collect whatever Shepard needed to be replaced. “Why are you helping me?” Shepard asked.

“Well, my shuttle is clean. I don’t have the experience or training to thoroughly clean weapons and armor like you and Mr. Vega do,” Steve said with a squeeze to her shoulder. “But I can assist you both with supplies.”

Shepard smiled warmly at him, “Thanks, Steve.” 

She worked in relaxed silence, the only sounds were that of brushes against armor for a while before a lone turian joined her. An older man carrying two steaming coffee cups.

“Mind the company, Commander?” He asked as he set a cup in front of her.

“Not at all,” she replied pointing to a stool. “And thank you.”

“Your crew is unlike any I’ve ever seen,” the man informed her as he moved the stool to the table.

That wasn’t anything new to Shepard. She heard it all the time. “How so?”

“They gave up their bunks and their allotted shower time for my men,” he stated as he lay a clean towel on the table and grabbed a rifle. “They prepared us pretty savory meals, which is surprising since they’re humans.” He said with a soft flanging laugh. Shepard chuckled. “Your crew have been very generous. Then I come down here and your men are cleaning my men’s armor while you’re sitting here cleaning rifles and replacing worn parts and mods,” he said as if he were utterly confused at the sight.

“You didn’t know humans could show that much kindness?” She asked after taking a sip of her coffee.

“I did not,” he said with a hoarse chuckle. “I served in the Relay 314 Incident. I was young and to be honest, humans were insanely terrifying.”

“Turians were equally as scary to humans,” She told him, remembering her first time on the extranet.

“Our harsher looks would cause fear, which I understand. But humans are highly adaptable. You can hold your breath under water, survive extreme temperatures.” He explained meeting her eyes. “Seeing half a dozen humans just lift out of the water, their eyes hard and their hands holding weapons…that gave me nightmares as a young man.”

“And now?” She asked gently.

“Really fucking impressed,” he said with a rumbly laugh. “And glad to have you as allies.”

“The feeling is mutual,” she told him as she pieced the rifle back together. 

They were half way through the cart of weapons when Garrus joined them. 

“Did you get some rest?” Shepard asked him when he brushed his forehead against hers.

“Yeah,” He answered as he took a seat next to her and begin to prep to help.

“What made you take a turian on board in the beginning?” The older man asked.

“Saren,” she answered, noticing Garrus stiffen slightly next to her. “But the first time I had Garrus in the field with me set it in stone.”

“How so?”

“His skills melded perfectly with mine on the field. We worked seamlessly together and it didn’t matter who our third was,” She answered, smiling at the memories. “With our different skill sets, we’re able to dominate the battlefield together. I choose our third based on the enemies we’d be up against, making us even more deadly. As you know, my squadmates are some of the best the galaxy has to offer.”

“You two are one spirit,” the man stated.

“Yes,” Garrus replied easily, almost defiantly.

“While each of my squadmates are invaluable to me, Garrus is the reason we’re so successful,” She bragged. “He knows what I need on the battlefield without me having to tell him and that only comes from years of serving together.”

“Plus, I normally have a better view of the entire field and that allows me to be adaptable depending on the situation,” Garrus said, his neck dark from Shepard’s praise.

“It’s rare to find a pair like you two,” the man commented. “Two people of one spirit that find each other, I mean.”

“Human’s call that Soulmates,” Shepard said as her eyes softened.

“I like that term,” the man replied as he set the freshly cleaned gun aside. “Thank you for saving my son’s life, Shepard.” Shepard froze. “And it’s finally nice to meet my son’s mate,” he said as he extended his hand.

Shepard shook his hand, completely thrown off guard, as Vakarian, Sr. smirked at her.

* * *

**CHILLY**

Broken. Haunted. Severe post traumatic episode.

That’s what the doctor’s said. 

Shepard didn’t respond to pain or voices. She didn’t squint when the room lit up. She just stared straight ahead, her eyes empty. Her body motionless except for the steady inhale and exhale of air and the occasional blinking. She just sat there.

Hackett was able to finally get a call through to Miranda and he desperately hoped the woman was able to gather different data. 

How was he going to explain to billions of people that their beloved hero was alive, but gone? How was _he_ going to deal with seeing her blank stare? Especially after so many years of seeing the fire in her eyes. 

What the hell could she have seen in the last moments of the war that would silence her so? That would numb the most hardened warrior he’s ever met?

But Miranda came up empty. 

_[Shepard’s body is healing normally. Her brain waves are normal. It’s highly likely this is all psychiatric. I’m unable to assist any further.]_

So when a geth offered its services, Hackett agreed. But only on the condition that he’d be there. 

“If you insist, but you must remember Commander Shepard has been inside our consensus before.”

Hackett had read the report. If it hadn’t had Shepard’s name attached, he would have thought it fiction. 

The geth came and set up the machines they needed to in order for Shepard to enter their consensus. Hackett watched carefully as two nurses moved the Commander to a chair that would roll into a pod.

The tension was thick as they waited. 

“Merge unsuccessful, trying again,” the geth informed as the light scanned Shepard’s body.

After three unsuccessful tries, Hackett’s shoulders slumped in defeat.

“Merging with geth consensus unsuccessful, merging with Shepard consensus commenced,” the geth said as it attached wires to itself.

“Wait, what are you doing?” Hackett questioned.

The geth said nothing. Instead it stood perfectly still.

Hackett looked around, panic seizing his gut, when monitors began beeping. Alarms blaring as readings went haywire. Shepard’s body jerked before she started seizing. 

“Get her out of there!”

Another geth held him back as he tried to get to the pod that held the Commander. “If you interrupt, you will damage her consensus.”

“What does that mean!?” he yelled as he desperately tried to get to her.

“Brain,” Miranda called over the noise as she began to silence monitors. “He’s inside her brain, if we pull him out now it could cause irreparable damage.”

As quickly as it all went crazy, it all stopped. Shepard’s eyes opened as she inhaled like she’d been starving for air.

She blinked once.

Then twice.

“I’m cold,” she said, her voice raspy and rough from disuse.

“Shepard,” Hackett whispered emotionally as her eyes met his. He was touching her face as soon as the pod opened, making sure she was there. That she was real. 

“Hungry,” she whispered as her hands clumsily wipes away a tear from his face.

A rough chuckle left his mouth before he lifted her from the chair. “You heard her, get her some food and turn up the heat.”


	11. Chapter 11

**NEED**

“I just need you to go by and check on him, Shepard,” Bailey said as he redressed his wound. “I’m getting worried. It’s not like him.”

Shepard sighed. Her to-do list was a mile long while she was on the Citadel. And that was before Cerberus attempted a coup. “Give me his address.”

“I appreciate this.”

“You know, you would heal a hell of a lot faster if you rested,” she said pointing to his reopened gunshot wound.

“No time to rest. I’ll be fine,” he said as he pulled his uniform back down.

The apartment building was a decent one in a pretty good neighborhood. Quickly making her way to the door, she pushed the button to notify him that someone was at the door. There was no answer. According to Bailey, today was day three that he hadn’t heard from him. 

With a sigh, she hacked the door. She stepped over the threshold as the lights flickered on. The air was heavy.

“Kolyat!” she called out, feeling dread settle in her gut as the door closed behind her. She stiffened when she heard the growl.

“You need to leave,” he said, his voice deeper and rougher than she remembered.

“What’s wrong?” She asked calmly. “People are worried sick about you.”

She inhaled sharply when he stepped around the corner, his scales shining and his leather pants unbuttoned giving her a very nice view of his naked chest and waist.

“Leave,” he repeated, his hands clenching and unclenching.

When she didn’t move, he took three long steps and pinned her against the wall, his lips crashing to hers as his body shuddered against her. She could do nothing but receive as his tongue met hers. He growled against her mouth as his hands roughly pulled and pushed at her pants. 

She could fight him, but with him being so much bigger and stronger, there was little she could do without killing him in his current state. 

Thane had spoken of this once. And while she really didn’t want to lay with her late lover’s son, it was too late to leave. Kolyat would hunt her now that her scent was filling his nose, his need would completely consume him until he found the completion his body demanded. With her.

With the bottom half of her body naked, Kolyat shoved his pants over his hips before lifting her and burying himself inside her. His growl was deeper. More primal. The arousal hit her hard, making her whimper as he bit down on her shoulder and began pumping into her roughly. 

The knot, she could feel it expanding. She hadn’t experienced it before.

Kolyat jerked his hips into hard as he pulsed inside of her. After several minutes, he released her shoulder and carried her to the bedroom. He said nothing as he lay her on the edge of the bed, his cock still stuck within her, and removed her top. 

As soon as the knot began to shrink, he was thrusting into her again. Shepard moaned as she rolled her hips, his hands tight on her waist.

She moaned as her orgasm began to wash over her, her nails digging into his arms making him grunt. His moan came after, the knot swelling once again as he locked her in place.

She was going to be very sore once his body’s needs were met.

\--

When she woke, Kolyat was sitting on the edge of the bed with his head in his hands.

“Kolyat?” she whispered watching his body tense. Bite marks littered her body and her muscles ached in a way she’d never felt before, but she sat up despite the pain. 

He refused to meet her eyes as she looked at him over his shoulder, his erection twitching when her hand met his scales. She didn’t know what to do other than to give him release. Shepard gently pulled him back to lay on the bed as she mounted him and slowly sank down on him. 

There were no primal growls this time, just a soft moan as his hands carefully held her hips while she rocked against him. Her nails scraped his waist as her pleasure built, his hands flexing against her bruised hips. 

Then ecstasy hit her, her moans making him hiss as he jerked his hips up into her before he held her tight on him, his back arched as the pleasure of his release washed over him.

She collapsed onto his chest. Exhausted and sore as Kolyat hesitated before gently running his fingers through her hair and across her back.

The internal battle he was fighting seeming to be resolved as he wrapped his arms around her.

* * *

**DYNAMIC**

“Has humanity chosen a temporary Councilor?” Tevos asked.

If Hackett were the type of man that showed emotion, right now it would be glee. Watching the surprise in their eyes was just going to have to do. “We have.”

“Who will be representing your people?” Valern asked.

“Commander Jane Shepard, Alliance Special Forces,” Hackett replied loud enough for those viewing in the tower to hear. Tevos visibly paled, Valern stopped moving completely and that’s saying a lot for a salarian. But Sparatus, he took it with good humor. Turians were fast becoming humanities allies thanks to Primarch Victus. Tevos quickly composed herself before smirking.

“I’m afraid that isn’t possible with Shepard acting as a Spectre.”

“Actually, according to the laws you wrote,” Hackett started as he pulled up the information on his omnitool. “Article 67-A states that a Spectre that has lawfully taken vacation from Spectre duties can act as Councilor for their people.” Hackett knew Shepard didn’t need to be voted in. That was humanities choice, not the Councils.

“I approved a vacation request from Commander Shepard yesterday,” Sparatus said. “Everything is in order according to the law.”

Hackett bowed his head in respect before he turned to leave. Having Shepard in there would definitely shake things up and change the dynamics. He gave her two weeks before there were other species representatives on the council. 

Shepard meant business. Always.

* * *

**BALANCE**

With her mission complete, she made her way through the vents to her exit. Now all she had to do was get back to her hotel room and send the holo to her superior.

These missions had become boring. That didn’t stop her from being on guard at all times, she just wanted a little excitement. Unless it was exciting but she’d been doing the job so long that it left her feeling nothing. That was definitely a possibility.

With a sigh, she easily blended in with the crowd. Illium was a nice place, so long as you didn’t sign anything. Still, she didn’t like it much. As it was, she’d already paid for a quarian ‘servant’. But she couldn’t free her, not until her debt was paid. So Shepard had contacted Liara. It had worked out since the asari had needed a new assistant anyway. Shepard knew the young quarian would be safe in Liara’s care.

The hotel she stayed in had been upgraded through Liara. Simply because Liara didn’t want her dear friend staying in a shit-hole. 

As soon as she entered her suite, she sent off the encrypted message before stripping and putting on the ugly pink robe that hotel guests were given. 

There was a green drell standing nonchalant in the living area as she exited the bedroom. Shepard froze as they eyed each other.

“Something I can help you with, love?” She asked sweetly. 

The drell’s brow raised before he made a show of relaxing his body. Shepard knew better. “This is the third target you have taken from me,” he told her, his voice low but somewhat amused.

“I see,” Shepard replied as she cautiously approached him. “And you’re here to kill me or see who bested you?”

“I won’t deny the thought of killing you has crossed my mind,” he replied.

“Do you rely on these contracts?”

“One must eat,” he told her.

“Hmm,” Shepard replied as she entered his personal space. “Well, love, you don’t look to be starving.”

“Not yet.”

It was likely he thought her an assassin instead of Alliance. That worked perfectly fine for her. “Let’s say we keep in communication, make sure we aren’t sharing hits?”

“What will that accomplish?” He asked, both sets of eye lids blinking in surprise.

“It seems I’ve thrown you off balance, which was not my intention,” she told him as she brought up the holo on her omnitool. “Was this your target?”

“Yes,” he replied. “Clean kill.”

“Don’t act so impressed, love,” Shepard teased. “I send this little holo to you. You collect your pay, I collect my pay and we can call it professional respect.”

“Or I can kill you to keep you from taking my contracts.”

Shepard rolled her eyes. The overwhelming feeling of strangling him was coming to mind, underlined with arousal because fuck if he wasn’t a sight to behold. “Listen here, sexy,” she said with a smirk. “We can either fight, stay in communication, or fuck before going our separate ways. If you wanted to kill me, you would have done so already.”

“If you use this trust to have me hunted, you will regret it,” he answered as he linked their communication. 

Before he could turn to leave after receiving the holo, Shepard grabbed the lapels of his jacket and planted a kiss on his closed mouth. She bit his lower lip when he didn’t shove her away before whispering, “Send nudes.” His laughter was controlled and quiet though it still lit up his face. “Don’t laugh at me, love, this life is lonely and a girl has needs.”

“I’ll consider it, but only if you give me a name to call you.” He told her as he rested his hands on her hips. “We both know Mary is not your real name.”

“And Tanner isn’t yours, but you can call me Wolf.”

“Wolf? Interesting. You may call me Shade.” His lips ghosted over hers making her sigh. “I’ll be seeing you, Wolf.”

“One kiss for the road?” she whispered against his lips. 

“I’m afraid that would not be pleasant for you should the toxins on my tongue affect you. I would rather be here when that happens, but I must go.” He responded quietly, his hands tightening on her hips. 

“Hmm,” she replied. “I suppose I’ll wait until next time, love.”

With a smirk, he disappeared just as quietly as he appeared. 

It would be weeks before she heard from him. But instead of the nude she requested, it was merely a holo of a target.

_Wolf: Not mine, love. Have at it ;) Don’t forget those nudes.  
Shade: Where are you?  
Wolf: Nudes first.  
Shade: You’re impossible.  
Wolf: I haven’t heard from you in weeks and you just want to talk business?  
Shade: Yes.  
Wolf: Now look who’s impossible. If you want to know where I am, come find me, love.  
Shade: As you wish._

Naturally, he didn’t come find her. The Alliance kept her moving and he had the disadvantage of not knowing anything about her. He thought she was an assassin. Not a special forces alliance marine. It was disappointing but expected.

Omega was disgusting. She hated being here. Her mission was easy enough to complete. Before anyone could get so much as a look at her she was on the transport out. But not before getting that poor quarian out of here first. Kenn, she thought his name was. It didn’t matter, he was gone continuing his pilgrimage. 

The Citadel was one of her favorite places to go. Simply because it was so huge. She didn’t have a target here. Her only mission was to cool down before her Alliance transport arrived. Hackett spared no expense putting her in a decent hotel room. Black silk robes this time. She was so taking this one.

_Wolf: It’s been 6 weeks and still no holos of that gorgeous bod you’re hiding.  
Shade: I’ve been busy. Some of us work.  
Wolf: I’ve come back from a job and I finally get 2 days off. Must I really go hunt for a willing bed partner?  
Shade: I never said I wasn’t willing, Wolf. Merely busy.  
Shade: Where are you?  
Wolf: Having trouble finding me, love?  
Shade: You know that I am.  
Wolf: I’m on the Citadel.  
Shade: You would be gone by the time I reached you. Where are you going to be next?  
Wolf: Unknown. Information takes time you know.  
Shade: Yes. I shall speak to you soon then. What will it take to keep you from taking another to your bed?  
Wolf: Jealous already?  
Wolf: I can wait. But until then, enjoy the holo, love._

Her quiet laughter followed the holo. She’d opened her robe, letting the sides rest on top of her raised nipples, baring her ribs and waist to her future lover. And, oh, she would have him. 

Next thing she knew, she was stopping an assassination attempt on the turian Primarch. It was rare she was called in for a job like that, but Hackett wanted his best. And of course having a human save the life of the turian leader so publicly helped with political bullshit she didn’t care about. Nor did she care about her holo being plastered all over the fucking galaxy. Her time as an Alliance assassin was done. She wouldn’t be able to do her job effectively without being recognized everywhere she went.

_Wolf: For your safety and anonymity it’s probably best you no longer be associated with me in any way. I am deleting this account in twelve hour’s time._

He didn’t reply like he normally did. She didn’t expect him to. Three months since he appeared in her hotel suite and she was having to cut off contact. No longer being anonymous made her livid. Hackett knew she liked being able to blend in. He could have chosen someone else to protect the Primarch from the rogue turians. 

When the time was up, she whispered her goodbye and deleted the account. It was the only one left and that was only because of Shade. 

-

Rogue turians were rare. But the faction that Shepard stopped seemed to be pretty damn upset with her. Especially if the torture they were putting her through was anything to go by. All she would tell them was her name, rank, and military number. Nothing else. She endured the torture well enough, but the sleep deprivation was another thing. 

The thing about sleep deprivation was that it affected humans differently. Some would break just to sleep. Others would go insane with hallucinations. But her? It made her laugh maniacally. So much so that the turians were confused. That weren’t getting anything they wanted from her simply because they didn’t know how torture affected different humans. 

They talked about raping her, which would be painful because it had been so damn long, but the turians thought her beneath them. So, that was a plus for her. Too gross to fuck. Ha!

Shepard didn’t remember anything about being rescued. All she had was Shade’s leather jacket that he’d apparently wrapped her unconscious naked body in. That was definitely not the way she wanted him to see her naked. 

If she thought being an assassin was a lonely life, being a celebrated hero was even lonelier. But thanks to Admiral Ahern, she’d won herself a little place on a desert world to hide away in for a little bit. Her excuse was to recuperate after the torture, but really it was just to get away from all the people that wouldn’t leave her be.

That was where Shade found her. This time instead of sneaking in, he rang the bell.

Shepard took him in as soon as the door swished open. “I thought I told you it was safer for you to stay away, love,” she said with a small smile.

“No one knows I’m here, Wolf,” he replied before stepping inside after she motioned him to enter.

“You can call me Shepard if you prefer, everyone else does,” she told him as they entered the prefab fully. “I don’t have the luxury of being anyone I want to be now.”

“It doesn’t mean you can’t be Wolf to me,” he said quietly as pressed himself to her back. 

“Why are you here?” she asked with a sigh as she leaned back against him.

“This life is lonely...A man has needs…” he teased, her laughter making him smile into her neck.

“Then allow me to sate them for you, love,” she whispered as she turned in his arms.

* * *

**SUCCEED**

All she wanted to do was get laid. You’d think because she was so well-known that finding a decent bedmate would be easy. But it sure as hell wasn’t. At this point, she was so desperate she’d take Sparatus if it meant she’d get an orgasm out of it. The last two men had been severely disappointing. Shepard wasn’t sure if it was because they were drunk or overwhelmed, but either way, they left her worked up in a way that masturbation didn't help. 

She fucking hated it.

Leaving Purgatory after another failed attempt at finding someone to bed, she walked by a turian C-Sec officer with red facial markings. She did an about face and stopped directly in front of him.

“Need something, Commander?” he asked, his brow plate rose in curiosity.

“An orgasm,” she replied honestly. 

His mandibles fell slack before he shook his head and pulled them tight against his face. “I’m off in an hour.”

“Excellent, but you better not leave me disappointed like the last two,” she told him before transferring her apartment coordinates over to him. 

“Close to snapping?” he asked her as he looked at the information on his omnitool.

“You have no idea,” she mumbled before turning back to the transport station. She supposed she could scratch picking up a random stranger to fuck off of her bucket list. If she had one. This time, she was forgoing all the first date, get to know you, bullshit and skipping straight to sex.

The officer came straight to her after work. His armor was quickly shed as he turned his predatory gaze to her already naked body. “What kind of human are you, Shepard? One orgasm or multiple?”

“Multiple.” _Thank you Miranda._ “And I expect you to turn me into a whimpering puddle of human.”

It would be hours before they collapsed into the bed trying to catch their breath. She was bruised, probably bleeding in a few places, but fuck it if she cared. 

“So?” her partner asked, his voice breathless and raspy.

“If humans married people based on the strength of the orgasm, I’d marry you and tie you to our bed for life,” she replied.

His rough laughter made her smile as she rolled over into his waiting arms. “Mission successful then.”

“So many times successful,” she replied. “Can I keep you?”

“I’ll think about it,” he teased sleepily. “But first, sleep.”

She hummed her agreement as the steady beat of his heart lulled her to sleep.

* * *

**CREDIT**

“Give your son some fucking credit, Castis,” Shepard growled inside the man’s office. “He isn’t stupid.”

“Don’t talk to me like I don’t know my own child, Shepard.” He replied hotly. 

“Then stop treating him like he’s a whelp! He helped defeat the fucking Reapers!”

“Why do you keep cursing at me?” he asked, his voice low.

“Because you drive me insane! I don’t know whether to hit you or fuck you at this point,” she returned, her face burning with anger.

Before she realized what was happening, he had rounded the desk and jerked her up by her neck. “Shala, go to lunch,” he ordered after pressing a button on his intercom.

Shepard growled at him. Why did he piss her off so much? It was worse than being in the same room with Sparatus. He wanted to spar, fine. She’d fucking spar. Landing an elbow to his waist made him loosen the grasp he had on her neck enough for her to trip him and pin him to the floor by straddling his carapace and pinning his upper arms under her legs. 

What she didn’t expected was his growl to vibrate her clit, her whimper loud in the quiet room. Her arousal only made the vibration under her intensify as his hands gripped her ankles.

“What the spirits?” Garrus said from the door.

“Leave, we’re in negotiations,” Shepard said as calmly as she could. 

“Over what?” Garrus asked, his voice tight.

“You,” she replied sternly. “Now leave.”

“Dad?” Garrus asked, his voice halting at Shepard’s growl of frustration.

“Best get her another set of clothing, Son. Can’t have your commanding officer leaving here with ripped clothing,” Castis said, his voice perfectly calm. It only added to her anger at him.

As soon as the door closed the vibrations returned. It weakened her, she could feel it. So could he. Two could play that game. Shepard smiled down at him, baring her teeth as her nimble fingers set to work opening the clasps of his shirt. As soon as she opened as much as she could, she scraped her blunted fingernail in the crevices of his plates. 

“You think this weak little human would give in so easily, Castis?” she asked him quietly before reaching behind her to apply pressure to his waist. His moan was a small victory.

“Never said you were weak, Shepard,” he replied huskily.

“And yet you think I’ll submit and give up fighting for Garrus’ future?” His rough exhale told her she was right. “I’ll never submit where my best friend is concerned.”

“Even if it’s for his own good?” Castis half groaned as she applied pressure to his waist again.

“Oh my dear, Castis,” she said gently making sure she didn’t lean back far enough for him to use his leg to move her. “Why do you think he’s succeeded so well under my command?”

“Because you fuck him into submission like you’re trying to do to me,” Castis ground out.

Shepard laughed causing the older man under her to huff. “No. Because I let him make his own mistakes.”

“That’s ignorant.”

“Not if it’s the best way for him to learn,” Shepard replied. 

With a grunt she hit the ground. She’d miscalculated his flexibility. He was on top of her, his forearm across her shoulders before she could react. Damn his speed was definitely a turn on. “Get off on being handled rough, Shepard?”

“I get off on a good debate, Castis, don’t let it go to your head,” she lied. While he was jerking at her belt and pants she took the opportunity to easily finish unclasping he shirt before doing the same to his pants. Turian clothes were so easy to remove with extra fingers. Castis’ hips jerked when her finger dipped between his loosening plates. “Mmm, look at you spreading open for little ole me.”

“I get off on putting humans in their place, don’t let it go to your head, Shepard.” He replied. 

“Something tells me I’m the first human, otherwise you’d have my pants off,” she ridiculed. “Perhaps the best place for you is on your back.” His aggravation was clear when he pressed his face closer to hers. She just smiled and took the opportunity to suck on that delicious mandible, which caused his hips to jerk against her hand again. “My first virgin,” she taunted after releasing his twitching mandible. “Can’t wait for you to see how nice it is inside of me.”

“Vulgar is disgusting, Shepard,” he said roughly. 

“And yet your cock is twitching inside its sheath at my words.” She gasped as it slowly began to emerge. “Mmm, I can tell I’m going to enjoy this ride. And you still haven’t got my pants over my hips. So disappointing, Castis.”

“You’re intolerable,” he replied.

“Submit to me,” she ordered him.

“So you can tell everyone? Humans gossip too much.”

“Now why would I undermine your authority here? Hmm? I’ve got my own shit to deal with without adding C-Sec’s problems to it,” Shepard told him honestly. “Garrus gets to make his own decisions, that’s all I want. Oh, and to fuck you.” He growled his defeat. A high-ranking turian defeated by Alliance uniform pants. Shepard would laugh if she weren’t so worked up. 

Castis sat on his couch as Shepard stripped the bottom half of her clothing, after removing her boots. Then she was jerking his pants over his hips and taking his exposed cock into her mouth.

“Spirits,” he moaned as she coaxed him the rest of the way out. 

Shepard didn’t give him time to think as she released him before straddling him. “Gloves off, Castis,” she told him, her voice cracking as she sank down on him. But he couldn’t hear her through his own pleasure. She quickly jerked off her shirt and tossed it before pulling his gloves off. “Pay attention now,” she ordered. He said nothing as she raked his hands over her breasts, her moan of pleasure making him gasp. Shepard released him to explore on his own as she grinded herself down on him, his growls and moans bringing closer to the peak she was desperately seeking.

“Shepard,” he grunted, his talons close to breaking the skin on her hips as her orgasm neared. Pressing her chest against him, she picked up speed. The pain of his blunt talons digging into her sent her over the edge, her forehead pressed to his nose plate as she moaned through the waves of ecstasy. He came as soon as she crested, his arms anchoring him to her as he thrust up into her, spilling himself inside of her.

They dressed quietly, their moods evened out. The only article of clothing that showed damage was her panties. Instead of tossing them in the trash, she entered Castis’ personal space as he buckled his pants. 

“Sorry?” He said in a half-hearted apology. 

Shepard wadded them up and stuffed them into his pants pocket. “Should you return these to me, at my apartment, I will submit to you.”

“Humans take turns?” he asked, surprised. Turians were more strict in their affairs.

“Oh yes, and it can be very enjoyable for both parties to let go of command for a little while,” she told him as she finished lacing her boot. “Should you accept that is. This today was for Garrus. But after that, if you’re interested? That’ll just be for us.”

“Equal give and take?”

“Yes.”

“I have to give you credit, Shepard. Your _negotiations_ are very tempting,” Castis told her.

“Aren’t they?” She said with a smirk before wrapping her arms around his neck. “I’ll see you real soon, Castis.” His soft chuckle at her chaste kiss on his mouth plates made her smile as she left his office.


	12. Chapter 12

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Today I am level 35! Time flies, but today on my birthday, I'm throwing my daughter's surprise 16th birthday party. Controlled chaos has began as we count down to her arrival. Her birthday is Tuesday but she'll be gone for volleyball scrimmages. I tell ya, time flies!

**SOFT**

 

Being on an undercover mission with Saren was not something she enjoyed doing. And of course, she had to do all the fucking work simply because of his rare gentic hoopla. He was easily recognizable. She was a nobody.

On top of sharing a hotel room, they had to share a bed. To lull their target into perverted complacency as he eavesdropped. Then there was the pet name Saren was using in their bugged room.

“Going shopping, Sugar Tits?”

“Of course, Pumpkin,” she replied sweetly. “Some of the best places to shop are on Illium.” He made her dress in clothing she hated. She knew he did it to piss her off. _Play the part of the blushing lover with a large bank account._ “Just give me a kiss so I can be on my way.” She knew she had him when he glowered at her. She hummed with fake pleasure when his mouth plates pressed against her lips. “You just smell so good I could fuck you right this second,” she told him as she fluttered her eyelashes.

Shopping wasn’t difficult. Shopping happily while buying things she’d never wear outside of this mission fucking sucked. She really envied Nihlus. He got to be hidden to do the actual work while they played the happy couple. 

By the time she returned back to the hotel room, she had two arms full of bags of crap she’d end up giving away. No return policy on Illium. But she knew a couple people who would love the clothes. They were welcome to them.

“I hope you didn’t bankrupt us,” Saren said the moment she walked in the door. She rolled her eyes.

“Of course not, honey,” she replied with a bright smile before planting a kiss on his mandible. “Do be a dear and order our late dinner while I change.” He would likely order her some unappetizing asari dish just to piss her off.

The one thing, or two since she bought two sets, she would wear out of the items she bought was a short silk night gown. She just loved how soft it was against her skin. A gold gown with matching panties and robe. It was too warm for the robe since Saren liked to keep her close to sweating. But after the uncomfortable clothing she had to wear today, the soft, silk nightgown was perfect.

Saren said nothing at her attire as he set the table. She didn’t expect him to, especially when he walked around naked. Turians were odd.

What she expected under the lid of her plate was certainly not one of her preferred dishes. “This looks amazing, thank you,” she said, and she meant it. 

“Anything for my Sugar Tits,” he replied with false warmth, effectively ending the very tiny second of comradery she was feeling. Saren was a pain in the ass, but that wouldn’t stop her from enjoying the meal.

By the time they were done, it was pretty late into the night.

She always relaxed by reading specs on weapons she was interested in. She was sure Saren was talking to Nihlus, begging him to hurry it up and find the guy that was blackmailing interspecies couples. She was rudely interrupted.

“Read this,” he said roughly. 

_N: I can’t trace him unless he stays connected to the bugs in your room.  
S: How do we keep him on?  
N: Listen, I know you both are going to hate this, but you’re going to have to pretend to fuck. It’s the only reason he plants the bugs.  
S: I hate you.  
N: He’s on now, keep him there and make it believable._

Shepard laughed. “Your brother is a riot.”

“And what are you reading?” Saren asked as she closed her omnitool.

Shepard tossed their sheet off and straddled his hips. “If I tell you, you have to promise not to make fun of me.”

“I’ll make no promises.”

“Trashy romance novel of a deliciously sexy drell chasing a human female,” she replied as she tried to get comfortable on him. There was only one way for her to fake sex and that was to have a least a little stimulation.

“And I take it the reason you’re rubbing yourself on me is because you enjoyed it?”

“Oh yes,” she said as she used his carapace for leverage. If she closed her eyes it was easy to pretend she was just pleasuring a female turian. She tried to position herself so that she wasn’t rubbing his plates but it wasn’t enough friction for her. She looked down at him watching her and mouth ‘sorry’ before scooting lower to find the friction she needed. Her moan was definitely real. 

Naturally, she was stimulating him. His parting plates made her whimper. His breathing became more harsh as his hands fisted the sheets but his eyes, gods they watched her. He watched her hand brush across her neck and down to her breast. His mandibles twitched when she squeezed. 

So this was happening…

Grabbing his hand, she moved it under her gown to the side of her panties, her shudder all he needed in understanding. He growled deep as he cut both sides with his sharp talons and tossed the remnants of expensive silk panties to the side. Her wanton moan would have embarrassed her if she was in her right mind. But with his hot, leathery plates against her slick skin, there was nothing she could do but enjoy. 

She needed penetration, but Saren was still inside his sheath. 

His hiss as she gripped his wrist was expected. He liked to be in charge. He watched as she took his finger into her mouth, careful of the talon, and sucked. The effect was immediate. She cried out as he filled her, going from one sheath to another, his moan sending shocks down her spine as she began to ride him in earnest. 

The ripping of her silk gown only aroused her more as Saren exposed her to him. His hands grasping and touching as she moaned and whimpered on top of him. 

His omnitool lit up, neither paying any mind to it as she came, her back arched and head thrown back as she was hit with pleasure. Only after she began coming down from her high did Saren flip them and began thrusting harshly into her. He growled, his tongue tracing her neck. She automatically turned her head away, giving him access. Saren shuddered before biting down on his offering, her scream as a second orgasm hit her mingled with his moans of his release.

“Fuck,” he whispered. “Fuck!”

She hissed as he tried to remove himself. “Um, what’s wrong? This has never happened with a turian before.” Saren growled as he held his weight off of her chest while he checked his omnitool.

“Mission is complete, all data deleted,” Saren told her, ignoring her question. “Nihlus wants you to know you made his plates open. Fucking pervert,” Saren growled.

“Saren?” she whispered, his cock still twitching inside of her. She felt a little too vulnerable like this. “What the fuck is happening?”

“I made a human my mate,” he growled in disgust. “You should never have offered your neck to me.”

Heaviness settled in her chest as she turned her face away from his. She could handle a lot of things but the disgust in his eyes was not one of them. It wasn’t like she’d wanted to ‘mate’ when she turned her head. Humans enjoyed neck stimulation. Great, just fucking great, she thought as the tears spilled over. Saren’s penis was locked inside of her, he hated her on the best days, and now they were bound for life. Like it was her fault he couldn’t control himself. 

“Shepard?” Saren whispered. “I’m sorry.” But it only made her sob. “My first act to my mate is making her feel worthless. I’m doing fucking splendid,” he muttered to himself as he moved an arm under her head. The warmth of his forehead pressed against her temple was rather nice. Even if she wanted to punch him. “I’m sorry, Shepard.” She nodded, it was all she could do without breaking more. 

-

“Nihlus, I swear if you’re coming in here to feel me up while I’m sleeping I will punch you in the pelvic plates,” Shepard said roughly when the air pressure changed in her room.

“Nihlus knows better than to touch my mate,” Saren growled, the bed dipping behind her. 

“Why are you here?” she asked gently.

“Do you promise not to make fun of me?” 

Shepard smiled at the words that got them in this mess. “I’ll make no promises,” she told him as she rolled onto her back.

“It seems I can’t rest properly without your scent,” he told her. This was new, she thought. Saren being vulnerable and open. She would be no better of a _mate_ if she abused that.

“Come here,” she whispered. He obeyed immediately, letting her guide him between her legs as he buried his nose in her hair. “Better?”

“Almost,” he replied as his hand skimmed up her thigh.

“Listen, you can buy me night gowns to rip off to your hearts content, but this is my last silk set and I am rather fond of it,” Shepard told him. 

His laughter surprised her. “As you wish, Sugar Tits.”

* * *

**ROTTEN**

This place was supposed to be safe. Dead rotting animals littered the warehouse, the stench near unbearable. But there were only so many places one could hide from the Reds to get some sleep.

Peeking through the broken window, she looked down to see a prostitute servicing an overweight balding male. 

Not the Reds, at least this time. But she wouldn’t be able to sleep until she was alone. 

“That’s not the price we agreed on,” the woman said.

“That’s what you’re worth,” the man replied.

The woman snorted, “Good luck picking another one of us up, cheapskate.”

The voice drifted off leaving behind the peaceful quiet she was looking. She’d rather sleep with the stench of rotting flesh than deal with the Reds.

* * *

**DINNER**

There were a lot things Shepard was used to on Omega. Aria wanting to see her first thing, an apartment for her to use, and her choice restaurants free to her cravings. Even though there was already a warm meal in the oven for her when she arrived. Aria was grateful, Shepard knew it, though the Queen would never say so herself.

But something she wasn’t used to was walking into the apartment Aria put her in to find a sole batarian cooking in the kitchen.

“Shepard, you’re early.”

“Is it you I have to thank for the food every time I show up on Omega?” She asked. The food smelled divine.

“It’s the least I could do,” he replied. “It should be ready in about an hour. I’ll leave you to wash your flight off.”

He’d been sneaking into her apartments and cooking her meals before she arrived this whole time? “Bray, wait!”

“I overstepped a line, I’m sorry,” he said but before he could continue to mumble, she kissed him. 

It was a little different from kissing a human, but his visibly sharp teeth were smooth. His tongue rough and his moan delicious. “We have an hour,” Shepard whispered as soon as their lips parted. “How do you feel about dessert before dinner?”

Bray lifted her with ease, “Sounds perfect.”

* * *

**MERE**

“Do so much as breathe that name in my presence again and I’ll toss you out of the airlock,” Shepard said through clenched teeth as before turning and stalking back toward the elevator. 

And just great, Javik was in the elevator. He made it a habit to touch her to see how she was doing since he’d told her about her _partners_ indecision after he told her he was in love with her. But he wasn’t, never had been.

The lie is what pissed Shepard off. Not that he cared for someone else, no, that happened. But outright telling her he loved her when he wanted someone else.

_”I’m fine, Javik.”_

_“The waves of anger radiating off of you say otherwise.”_

_“I will be fine then.”_

The prothean said nothing as he followed her to the workout area on the cargo deck. He was quite until the bag broke under her fist and sand poured to the floor. “Clear the cargo hold,” he ordered harshly. “EDI, lock us down in here.”

Anger poured down through her eyes. So maybe there was a little pain. She’d trusted his word. She’d _trusted him._

“Javik, I don’t have the energy to converse with you in any language.” She whispered when the air changed around her.

“If you tell anyone what I’m about to do I’ll throw you out the airlock myself,” he told her as he turned her to him and wrapped his arms around her. “It is very intimate for my people to hold those they care about without armor. I only wish to convey to you that there are people that truly do love you. Let me show you.”

And boy did he. From the moment he awakened in a new cycle. His thoughts, feeling, and interactions he had with her. Anger, frustration, to friends and victory. To new appreciation for the primitive’s. And unexpected feelings for their leader. He held nothing back from her.

She held on to him like her life depended on it. And he let her.

* * *

**BOAST**

“I’m not one to brag…”

“Yes you are,” Shepard said before taking a sip of her coffee.

“But I lifted more than Garrus last night.”

“And he still kicks your ass on the mats,” Shepard added before taking another sip.

“Lola, come on!” James said.

“Some victories are like one night stands, Jimmy,” Garrus said as he set his tray down next to Shepard.

James snorted, “How?”

“Well for one, you brag a _little_ ,” Shepard said.

“Then you start thinking about next time,” Garrus finished.

“Okay, but what about Saren and the Collector’s?” James asked as he crossed his arms.

“One-night stand that will lead to forever kind of love,” Garrus replied. “Or a fiery death. The anticipation is so exciting.”

Shepard choked on her coffee as the occupants of the mess hall fell into laughter.


	13. Chapter 13

**SASSY**

With a sigh, Bailey returned to his seat. Dealing with Shepard was both exciting and exhausting. Simply because he wanted to be between her legs. Today was no different. Her sassy little attitude really didn’t help matters. 

Waltzing in, hips swaying, sly smiles and winks. Even in full armor she could make him stutter. 

“Bailey, I forgot to ask if you needed any help with your work load…” Shepard asked as she walked back into his office.

“Don’t you have more important things to do?” He asked with a rough chuckle.

“Nope, all clear,” she responded as she sat down on the desk near his arm. “I know you’re a workaholic, and you know that I am. I don’t have any plans today so if you need help with something?”

“I need a date to the charity ball,” Bailey told her with a smirk. It was well known she hated such events. The wrinkling of her nose confirmed it. “How do you usually get out of political ball functions?” He asked her.

“Sex,” she replied with a cheeky smile making him laugh. 

“Not that I’m opposed, definitely the opposite,” Bailey flirted. “I’m expected to be there.”

“Fine, I’ll go,” Shepard huffed. “But afterwards, you’re going to fuck me on the nearest available surface.”

Bailey sucked in breath like he was starving for air. How the hell did she do that? Rising from his chair, he roughly spread her knees and stood between them, making her look up at him. “How about I fuck you on my desk now, and again when I can’t stand seeing how delicious you look in a dress.” Her mouth fell open, eyes darkened in desire. “No sassy comeback, Shepard?” He asked huskily as he pulled her hips closer to him.

“I’m afraid the only thing in my head at the moment is you bending me over this fancy desk of yours,” she replied quietly. “Now.”

“Aye, aye,” he replied before roughly pulling her to her feet.

* * *

**TAME**

David knew the moment he laid eyes on her that she would be impossible to control. But that didn’t stop him from pulling her in. How could he not? 

“Harder,” she begged him. And he gave because what else could he do with such a wild woman writhing under him. Skin alight from their sweat. Moans making his hips jerk harder into her as her nails pierced his skin. “David,” she whimpered.

He loved it. Loved the power she gave him. Loved how she begged him for her release. And he loved the marks she left on his body.

When their bodies were spent and she rose to dress. He hated it.

Hated watching her dress, watching her cover the marks of their activities. And he hated that he couldn’t keep her there.

But he loved it more. Loved her wild nature, her free spirit. Hard and demanding but so soft and giving. She would come back on her own, when she wanted. Of that he knew for fact. 

With one last kiss she was gone again. He would miss her like he always did and she’d come home to him like she always did. She was a gypsy. A wanderer.

And he loved her the way she was.

Some things weren’t meant to be fenced in.

 

**BOILING**

Sweat dripped of her brow as she leaned against the island in the mess hall, her eyes looking at a pot of food cooking on the stove, but her stare turned inward. She’d been on her feet for twenty six hours fighting the effect of pollen that had contaminated a fractured seal in her armor. 

Her heart rate and temperature was up. It worried Garrus. She had told him she was fine after she’d seen Chakwas but he didn’t believe her. How could he when he could see that she wasn’t _fine._

When she was relieved at the stove, Garrus followed her to the elevator. As soon as the door closed, Garrus grunted in surprise as his armor hit the metal. Her nose against his neck. “Shepard?” he asked worriedly. Never had she been forceful with him before.

“I told you I was fine,” she growled against his throat. “I warned you to give me space.” Garrus inhaled sharply when her flat, wet tongue licked all the way to his chin. 

“What’s happening to you?” He asked roughly. Humans were cooler than turians but he could _feel_ the heat radiating off of her skin.

She snorted before nipping his mandible. His grunt was involuntary. He had to control what was happening, he had to. “It would seem that pollen tripled the symptoms of my mating cycle, Garrus.” 

The moan that left his throat when she _sucked_ on his mandible was completely unexpected. He was losing control quickly. “I don’t understand,” he whispered.

“I’m ovulating,” she told him, her mouth muffled as she began to suck on his neck. Spirits he was having a hard time not touching her. “In heat?”

“What do you need?” He asked her as the elevator opened to her deck.

“Your seed,” she whispered before biting down.

He could take no more teasing. “You sure you want your best friend to fuck you, Shepard?” He asked her as he towered over her, forcing her to walk backwards to her door. “To make you scream and beg to be filled?”

“Yes,” she answered immediately.

“And if by some crazy miracle, get pregnant?” Her shudder and whimper nearly made him shove her against her precious fish tank and take her right there. “To carry a hybrid?”

“Please,” she begged.

Garrus growled in arousal. He’s never seen her like this. So desperate. And submissive. “Strip me,” he ordered. He purred when she complied. Her fingers easily releasing the clasps on his suddenly too tight armor, his plates tingled in a way he hadn’t experienced before. “You are going to be mine from here on out, do I make myself clear?”

“Yes,” she told him, her eyes looking up at him with so much trust.

“I don’t share, Shepard.”

“I know, Garrus,” she replied easily as she began to remove his underarmor. 

It would kill him if she moved on after this. Mating with someone that was in heat…his body would bind itself to her. He can smell her and his body was reacting just like it would if she were turian. “I don’t think you understand,” he told her as he grasped her hands. “My body will mate with yours.”

“That’s the point,” she said through gritted teeth.

“And I will be mated to you for life.”

“Do you fucking see any other man in my life? Have you ever?” she growled. “You are so blind sometimes.”

He can’t say that he had seen anyone with her. Not in all the time he’s known her. Garrus released her hands and allowed her to finish stripping him. “I’ll not be gentle,” he told her, his voice low. “Strip and bend over your desk.” How many times had he thought about fucking her over her work station? A dozen? “I’m going to have you on every possible surface in this room, Shepard, and you will beg for it.”

* * *

**FORTUNATE**

Sleep wasn’t possible with Garrus laying down in the medbay, half of his face covered in bandages. Instead of trying, she made her way down to sit by him and at the very least, give Chakwas some rest.

“Commander?”

“I can’t sleep, Karin,” Shepard said quietly. “How is he?”

“He’s good, I just removed his monitor’s. He’ll have some pain as he heals, but he’ll be good to fight soon enough,” Chakwas told her. “His cybernetic took wonderfully, so I have no worries.”

Shepard sighed in relief. “Go get some rest, Doc, I’ll sit with him for a little while.”

“I appreciate that, Commander. Paste and water are in that drawer,” she said as she pointed to a medicine cabinet.

“Is he allowed out of bed?”

“Yes, but he may experience some dizziness as he adjusts to his cybernetic.” Chakwas paused at the door before addressing her again. “He was so lucky you were there. He would have bled out otherwise. Goodnight, Commander.”

“Goodnight,” Shepard whispered.

Dimming the lights and blocking out the windows, she laid down next to Garrus. What she really wanted was a comfortable chair or to be able to move one of the other beds over. But Cerberus liked to lock everything down. She just had to hope Garrus didn’t mind sharing the bed so she could keep an eye on him.

-

The soft purring near her ear was wonderful. But when did cats stop being soft? And the kitten sitting on her hip was warm. So warm.

A growl as she was physically moved jolted her from her half-dream. Then pressure against her entrance as the details emerged from her tired eyes. “Garrus,” she whispered before she moaned at the intrusion. His growl deep and his hands gripping her hips tight as he thrust up into her. She could do nothing but hold herself up by his carapace as he took his pleasure.

“Harder,” she whimpered. His snarl heating her body as he snapped his hips up. 

And then she was crying out softly as her walls convulsed around him. She rode the waves until they tapered off into silence. No movement. Only the sound of breathing as she finally opened her eyes to look down at Garrus. 

“Are you okay?” She asked him softly. His mandibles twitched nervously.

“My dreams never went that far, so…”

Shepard chuckled softly, “Do you often dream of fucking me?”

“Yes.”

“So you thought this was a dream until?”

“Until you came and I emptied myself inside of you,” he rushed out quietly.

“Then I guess it was a good thing I came to stay with you in just my robe,” she teased. 

“If I hurt you…”

“Oh, no,” Shepard said as she lifted herself off of him. “You aren’t apologizing for that. I very much enjoyed that.”

“You’re sure?”

“Why don’t you come to my cabin, Garrus, so we can…catch up?” She asked seductively. His growl sent a new wave of pleasure to her core as he slowly stood.

* * *

**MISCREANT**

The cold metal room was just the same as all the other’s she’s been in. But the raised voices outside the door were new.

No matter where in the galaxy she went it was the same bullshit. Of course it probably didn’t help that got herself into shit and didn’t get out of it before police arrived.

The door opened, but she didn’t appear to show interest, even if she was curious.

“Ms. Zero, you are hereby released to Commander Jane Shepard where you are to serve your community service.” Community service? For stealing a cop car? What did this Alliance chick have over this guy?

Well, what the fuck, she’d give it a week. She could use the meals anyway.

“On me, Jack,” a woman said as soon as she stepped out of the interrogation room. “You will follow my command to perfection, you will eat, sleep, and train when I say.” Jack snorted. Her first mistake. “Or I will lock you away and toss the key out of the airlock myself, am I clear?”

“Yeah, whatever,” Jack said nonchalantly. If she wasn’t so damn hungry she’d escape as soon as they were outside. It wasn’t that she was scared… Fuck she was a little scared. The outwardly small woman was a little terrifying up close. But she’d done a hell of a lot worse for food and an actual bed.

The ride to the ship was quiet. Heavy quiet. The kind Jack didn’t really like. 

With a silent sigh, she followed her new keeper through winding halls until finally they came to what looked like a waiting room with a perky red-head behind a desk.

“Is he in, Kelly?” Shepard asked.

“Yes, he’s waiting for you.”

As soon as the office door shut behind them, her keeper turned to her and pointed to a chair. “Sit.”

Jack snorted again, the woman’s eyes seeming to spit fire. She obeyed. Free food right?

“Shepard, when I said collect a ground team, I didn’t mean convicts, vigilante’s, and bounty hunters,” the dark man said as Shepard took the seat next to Jack.

“I trust my gut,” Shepard replied. Stupid, Jack thought.

The man sighed before nodding and taking his seat. “And I trust you, so I guess I’ll give you the benefit of the doubt. How exactly do you expect me to label these people on the payroll?”

“Civilian contractors,” Shepard replied.

“Works for me. Eat, get some sleep, and prep your people for battle,” the man said.

Battle? She didn’t come with this chick to fight. It didn’t sound as awful as scrubbing toilets, but…

“Let’s go, Jack,” Shepard said as she rose from the chair. 

Fighting? Heh, this community service crap might not be so bad after all.

-

“You expect to fulfill your community service by acting like a common miscreant?”

“Fuck you, Shepard,” Jack huffed as she rose from the ground.

“I’m disappointed, Jack,” Shepard said as she turned to walk out. “All I saw on the field today was a brash child that can’t take orders for shit while endangering those that rely on her.”

Disappointed? No one’s ever looked at her the way Shepard did. Jack expected praise. But disappointment? That never crossed her mind.

“We’re a team and I’m your leader. If you can’t be a team player, pack your bags,” Shepard said before leaving the armory. The heavy quiet weighed on her. Again. 

The sentences whirled through her brain all day. Torturing her. Laughing at her. She fucking hated it. It would be so easy to just steal a shuttle and disappear. 

_I’m disappointed, Jack._

“Fuck,” she muttered to herself before throwing back the covers and sitting over the side of the bed. A month of this shit with Shepard and she was getting soft. 

But Shepard was different. She had expectations that damned well better be met or there would be consequences. How many people would give her, Jack fucking Zero, a month? Four long weeks. Hell, no one stuck with her that long. “Fuck,” she whispered again. 

Jack opened the door of her quarters to find Shepard in the shared common area, hunched over the weapons table with a datapad in hand. 

“Jack,” Shepard said without looking up. The woman was freaky good. But then, Special Forces were expected to be. 

Taking the stool in front of Shepard with a sigh, Jack stared at her. Her face was relaxed, the weight of command fell away. She was pretty, at least to Jack. Her features were sharp and her eyes so very startling that it was hard for Jack to make eye contact with her. “Why did you get me out of jail time?”

“Because you needed a place to call home,” Shepard replied easily.

“How would you know?” Jack asked defensively before cursing herself.

“Do you think you’re the first lost soul I’ve come across in this fucked up galaxy?” Shepard answered.

“No,” she replied, somewhat disheartened.

“So what makes you special, Jack?”

Jack’s eyes watered against her will. “I’m not special.” She flinched when Shepard closed her hand over Jack’s fist.

“But you could be if you’re willing to work for it,” Shepard replied quietly.

“I don’t know how!” Jack said, anger quickly taking over. “I don’t know how to be a team, Shepard.”

“Then trust me to guide you,” Shepard replied calmly. “Can you trust me, Jack?”

Jack nodded as the tears slipped free. How could she not trust Shepard? The N7 had done nothing but treat her as an equal. First the first time Jack _felt_ like an equal.

“Good,” Shepard said as she stood to hug Jack. “Get some rest, Jack. Tomorrow is day one of Shepard training. I’m going to push you into greatness kicking and screaming if I have to.”

Jack laughed, the sound odd to her own ears. But she believed it. She believed Shepard’s words with every tiny breaking strand of hope inside of her. 

One day Jack Zero would be someone she could be proud of in the mirror. Someone Shepard could be proud of.


	14. Chapter 14

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> My apologies for the delay in updating. I've been battling my depression with crochet and Just Cause 3. Other than the physical aches and pain I deal with daily, I'm feeling better.
> 
> Much love to you all.

**SMOOTH**

“Shepard, that one is giving you bedroom eyes,” Garrus told her before nodding in the female turians direction.

“Wanting to tag team her like we did the last one?” Shepard asked before winking at the woman.

“I don’t think she’d be into that, she’s only got eyes on you,” Garrus replied with a chuckle. “But maybe next time. My turn to babysit.”

Shepard slid gracefully from the bar stool, eyes on her gorgeous but nervous target. Barging into the females personal space was a risk, but the woman was already thrown by Shepard’s approach. “Hey, gorgeous,” Shepard whispered against her ear canal as she let her hand graze the turian’s bared thigh. “Wanna get out of here?”

“Yes,” the turian said with a throaty sigh.

Shepard, ever the gentlelady held her hand out with a small smile. “What’s your name?”

“Teeva,” she replied shyly. 

“A beautiful name for a beautiful woman,” Shepard complimented easily. “My dear Teeva, I can’t wait to bury my face between your legs,” Shepard whispered as soon as the beat of the club music dampened by the shutting of the door. 

“Spirits,” the woman whimpered and her misstep giving Shepard the perfect opportunity to wrap her arm around the woman’s waist. 

It was rare for Shepard to come across a turian smaller than she was, but it definitely turned her on. Even more so if it was a woman. Shepard quickly escorted her future bedmate to a private elevator. Her clearance quickly given before she pressed Teeva up against the metal wall. 

“Experienced in kissing?” Shepard asked quietly. At the woman’s nod, Shepard dove in. It was ridiculously easy to turn Teeva on. And to lose track of time. Lifting the turian’s leg with one arm, she slid her fingers under her dress only to touch bare plates. “Oh, you little temptress,” Shepard whispered as her fingers slid across the wet, parting plates. The poor woman was lost in lust, her eyes glazed over and barely open.

Until a soft cough behind them made Teeva freeze and Shepard growl. She hadn’t felt the elevator stop and she knew it was empty when she got on.

“Commander,” the other occupant said with humor.

“Councilor,” Shepard replied as she gently let go of Teeva’s leg and turned to shield to horribly embarrassed woman.

“I didn’t know you had a thing for turians,” he commented.

“My dear Sparatus,” she replied flatly as Teeva rested her forehead on her back. “I have a thing for people with beautiful souls, no matter the species.”

“And her?”

Shepard grasped the woman’s hands on her hips, “I can’t wait to get her home and make her pass out from pleasure.”

“Doesn’t Garrus usually accompany you?” he asked her.

“My, my, so many questions, Councilor,” Shepard scolded lightly. The man chuckled before the elevator door’s opened to Shepard’s floor. “If you’ll excuse me, my tongue eagerly awaits to taste this beautiful woman.”

“Commander,” Sparatus replied with a nod farewell, his mandibles spread in a cheeky smile.

-

Teeva cried out as soon as Shepard’s dildo entered her. But before Shepard could start thrusting her hips, Teeva pulled Shepard down and rolled them. Her purrs of excitement and whines of pleasure echoing Shepard’s as Teeva rode her. Spirits bless these suction on dildo’s Shepard thought as the gorgeous turian rode her hard. 

Nothing was sexier than seeing a shy woman come undone because of Shepard’s tongue before turning into a sex goddess simply from the scent of arousal in the air.

And Teeva, bless her, she was a vixen, Shepard thought, as her orgasm began. Her moans and grip on her partner sending the turian over the edge again. 

The woman collapsed onto the bed, but Shepard had no intention of letting her rest. She wanted her to have trouble walking tomorrow.

“I’m not done with you, Teeva,” Shepard whispered as she crawled over Teeva and pushed the dildo inside of her from behind. “Up on your knees, love,” she ordered. “I want to make you scream this time.”

“Oh, spirits,” Teeva moaned as Shepard jerked her hips against the silver plated turian.

* * *

**INCOME**

Before Irikah’s death, before she had a family to provide for, she used to supplement her meager Alliance income by being a Dom on the side. 

But now, years after Irikah’s death and Shepard’s drunken agreement, Shepard had promised to marry Thane. She’d given up her high income as a dom and resorted to working as a bouncer wherever the Alliance put her. 

She and Thane, well there wasn’t a ‘her and Thane’ outside of the digital world. She’d come back to Kahje after a particularly rough mission only to find him kissing another woman in the living room. She’d turned around and walked right back out the door ignoring Thane’s begging.

She refused his calls and messages.

It only seemed fitting since he did the same to her before that day. 

But the call from her old handler telling her that Tanner was begging for an appointment told her that Thane was at his breaking point. It had been years since she donned the blonde wig and brown contacts. She wondered if he knew who he had been seeing all those years before Irikah died. 

She and Iri’s friendship hadn’t started like a normal one. It started the day Irikah had made an appointment with her. Shepard had thought the woman came as a customer, like anyone else. But she’d come to interview Shepard. Or rather ‘Betty’. 

It had been odd to say the least but by the end of their session, Shepard had agreed to invite Irikah’s husband on as a client. A gift from a wife to her husband. Thane had been a difficult one to crack too. He needed punishment to help him let go of whatever guilt he carried. Shepard never knew what caused the guilt, she only gave what they asked for. But the trick was giving them only enough for them to find relief.

Thane had been a regular until Irikah’s passing. 

She accepted his appointment and made the necessary arrangements. This time, she’d let her real hair down. Betty was staying retired, but Shepard had some anger issues where her husband was concerned.

-

When she entered the room, Thane was standing where he was expected to. At the center of the room. “Hello, husband,” she said as she circled around him. He may the natural predator, but tonight he was her prey.

“Jane,” he whispered as he took her in. She wore the same corset, leather pants, and heels that Betty wore when she was active. She said nothing as she unbuckled his jacket and pushed it over his shoulders, the leather falling to the floor in a soft thud. “All this time?” She ignored his question as she pushed his vest over his shoulders, his scent reminding her of the desert and cinnamon. She couldn’t help the sigh that left her lips when she pressed her nose to his neck and inhaled.

Removing the riding crop from its place on her hip, she slapped him on the chest before pushing at his chin with the leather tip. “Has it been so long you forgot your position, Krios?”

“No,” he replied only to hiss when she hit him again.

“It has been too long if you can’t address me properly.”

“No, Mistress,” he replied huskily.

She rewarded him by grazing her lips across his shoulder. “That’s better.” With his arms held out, she began locking his wrist inside the restraint. “Betty retired when she married. Betty doesn’t exist anymore, _Tanner_.” He watched her closely as she restrained his other wrist. Likely connecting the dots. “The only reason I accepted your request was to give you a chance to explain, while you enjoy my anger,” she whispered with a smirk.

“Your anger is the least I deserve,” he told her.

The snap of the crop and his hiss didn’t lessen her anger. “What you deserve is to feel the hurt and betrayal I felt the moment I saw your tongue in that whore’s mouth.” She hit his clothed thigh as she circled him. “And you will address me properly, drell.”

“Yes, Mistress,” he replied quickly.

“I gave up this high paying job when I realized Iri made me your next wife, and for what?” She asked him as she paused in front of him. She smacked him again when he remained quiet. “For an unfaithful husband?” She laughed without humor. “All of you came through here,” she said as she trailed the crop along his scales. “You get your emotional release and I got to go home to nothing but a list of the next day’s clients.” Shepard stopped in front of him again and placed the crop in his mouth before she began to remove his pants. They had never removed all his clothing before. Her client’s weren’t here for sexual release. “I was naïve, too soft hearted.” Another humorless laugh as she pushed his pants down over his hips. His boots were easy to remove and toss to the side carelessly. The rest of his clothes quickly joined the pile, then she was locking his ankles into place. “I thought it wasn’t right to continue this while I was married. I don’t have sex with my clients, but it is still a release for them.”

The crop fell from his mouth as he moaned while she scraped her nails up his legs as she stood. “You get release and I get nothing.”

“Jane,” he whispered roughly.

Picking the crop up off the floor, she drug the leather tip over his groin, then hip, as she circled him before landing a hard hit across his ass. “Jane isn’t here,” she replied in a sing-song voice. “Now,” she said as she tapped the crop on his back. “I will give you a chance to explain why you had your hands all over Iri’s whore of a sister.”

“It will only anger you more, Mistress,” he replied.

“This is the only chance I will give you, if you don’t take it then I will release you and leave. You’ll never see me again.”

His body shuddered as he pulled against the restraints. “She resembles Irikah in color only,” Thane started quietly. “I was lost in memories when she came to our home.”

When he paused she hit him across the back of his thighs.

“She took advantage of me being lost in memories. Groped me…”

Shepard swallowed down the anger and hit him again. He felt guilty, then she would punish him the same as she had done many times before.

“I thought she was Irikah before reality pushed the memories away. You walked in.”

She continued to circle him, both sets of eye lids blinking frequently as to not slip back into memories. But it was her turn to feel guilty. For making him deal with that on his own. “And the whore?”

“I told Irikah’s brother what happened. She’s been sent away, Mistress,” Thane replied, his voice tight and controlled. That just wouldn’t do.

Taking a cleansing breath to let go of the anger her husband didn’t deserve, she gave Thane what he needed. It took nineteen hits across his ass with her riding crop before he broke, before he sobbed. 

For some people, this was what they needed to be able to let go. It had taken three sessions to get this out of Thane. Finding the point between hurting them and helping them was sometimes difficult. 

She quickly released him, his body sagging under the weight of his emotional release. Shepard held him as he wept, as he let go of the pain he’d held in so long. Years of pain he held in. “I will always give you the release you seek, husband. You need only ask,” she whispered to him. His arms tightened around her as his body shuddered.

* * *

**QUARTZ**

There were dozens upon dozens of gifts Shepard’s received in her life. Especially now after the war. But when Grunt presented her with a white stone that held specks of crystals, she had to admit it took her breath away.

Honestly, it was just a rock. But when he told her it made him think of her, tears had gathered in her eyes. 

She doubted Grunt knew it was the human holiday for mother’s. And she really didn’t understand how a pretty rock could make him think of her, but it didn’t matter. That he thought of her at all tugged her heartstrings.

Shepard adored that boy.

Taking the sparkling stone, she opened her ship model case and placed the rock inside. Grunt’s gift got a place of honor. Dust free place of honor. And Shepard would get to see it every day and think of the young krogan.

* * *

**KNEE**

Seeing The Illusive Man, or Jack Harper, bitching from the hospital bed in his private room was topping her list of enjoyable sights. 

“Clear the room,” Shepard said as she entered watching with glee as staff scattered. 

“A dress, Shepard?” he asked as he glared at her.

“I had a fundraiser,” she replied drily. “Someone has to help the orphans.”

“Don’t patronize me, Shepard,” he growled. “I was on my way to your precious function when this happened.”

Skycar accidents were rare, but they did happen. He’d been lucky. Few survived. “So you got a bum knee, who the fuck cares?”

He sighed as his head rested against the pillow. “Can you grab me a smoke?”

“No,” she replied sweetly as she approached the bed. His knee had been shattered, which really didn’t mean much now. Not with such advances in bone weaves and cloning. In a week he’d be using a cane. “In pain?”

“No,” he huffed. Removing her shoes, she hiked her dress up and straddled his groin. Shepard didn’t like Jack, in fact she almost hated him. But with him restrained to keep him in bed, she couldn’t help the thoughts of overpowering him. “Shepard,” he warned through clenched teeth, his hands fisting against the sheets.

“You see, Jack,” she whispered, “I’ve seen the videos of your interest in me before I was awakened. The caresses, the whispering…” She chuckled softly. “You _can_ blush.”

“What do you want?”

“Oh, I’m going to enjoy an orgasmic release and then I’m going to go to my fundraiser,” she told him as she pulled his hospital gown up to his waist. 

“Let me see you,” he whispered huskily.

“You’ve already seen me,” she replied before rubbing herself along his half hard cock. “I’ll be very disappointed if you cum before I do, Jack. Especially with your list of frequent bedmates.” Going without panties had been the right choice. 

“Shepard,” he breathed.

“A bedmate a day,” she said with a smirk as she took him inside of her. “You should last long enough for me to find my release.”

“Let me touch you,” he begged.

Jack Harper, begging. That was definitely a first. “You don’t remember grazing your fingers over the swell of my breast when I was unconscious?” His moan was deep. “Your mouth tracing my hip, Jack,” she whispered breathlessly. “Such a perverted man you are.” Fuck he felt so good, so wonderfully thick. 

“Not how I wanted you,” he gasped out.

“Did you think you could dominate me like your playthings?” She sighed as she felt the coil tighten. She desperately needed this. 

“No,” he whispered.

“To use me and toss me?” So, so close.

“Never.” Her nails dug into his chest as it began. Her soft moans and whimpers making the man under her stiffen as he joined her. She watched him come undone under her, and damn it if it wasn’t sexy watching such a powerful man fall because of her.

Leaning down, she buried her face in his neck, only a hint of aftershave tickling her nose. With a soft sigh, she bit down, his moan immediate and his cock twitching inside of her. He would bruise. With a smile she sat back up before removing a small metal case from her thigh holster. It was a dirty little habit, but after that orgasm a cigarette sounded perfect. He watched with want as she lit up and took a large pull before inhaling. Grinding her hips down on him, she blew the smoke in his face. “You have a choice, Jack. A pull from this delicious cigarette or a kiss.”

“Kiss,” his rough voice answered immediately. 

She took another pull before leaning down to capture his lips. He was hungry and his cock still hard inside of her. He moaned into her mouth, their tongues battling as she moved her hips against him. Shepard could hear him pulling against his restraints, but to no avail. Unsure of how much time she had before someone walked in on them, she bit his lip to move things along. Jack’s surprise quickly turned to a shuddery moan as he filled her again.

“Do you submit to me, Jack?” she whispered against his lips. 

“For now,” he replied, his eyes glazed over with exhaustion.

“Hmm,” she replied as she removed herself from him before adjusting his gown. “Looks like I have just enough for one last drag,” she told him as she held the butt of the cigarette to his mouth. He took it eagerly. 

“One more kiss?” he asked as the smoke left his mouth.

“Not this time,” she replied with a smirk. “I’ll kiss you when you submit to me completely.” Her laughter followed his groan of displeasure. “I’ll see you around, Jack.”

* * *

**CERTAIN**

“Shepard, are you absolutely sure?” Garrus asked her. 

“Yes,” she replied, her eyes holding a softness she only showed to him. “How else are we to have your child?”

“What about jealousy?” he asked her. She wasn’t a jealous person exactly, but it still worried him.

“Garrus,” she said with a soft chuckle. “It’s artificial insemination. No different from when Steve gave us his sperm to use so we could have a little Shepard. Our daughter needs a sibling.”

“But the surrogate will be on the ship…”

“It’s safer for her to be. For her and our baby.” Garrus purred when her tiny hands cupped his face. He could never tire of her affections. “This is the only way I can give you a mini Vakarian. The only way we can have children together.” Shepard sighed as she pressed her forehead to his. “Plus I can make sure she’s handling the pregnancy okay. She will be considered an aunt, after all.”

Garrus knew from the last pregnancy how hard it is for the biological parent to not be involved. Steve had become the uncle he never thought he’d be. As it was, there was talks of Shepard being a surrogate for Steve and James in the future. Shepard already agreed, stating it was only fair she help make it possible for them like they had for Shepard. 

“Okay, but…” Garrus said nervously. “Could you help me?”

“I’d love to watch you stroke yourself, Garrus,” she replied huskily.

Yep, that most definitely helped loosen his plates.


	15. Chapter 15

**BOLT**

“Javik, did you have…” her voice trailed off as she walked into his quarters. “I’m sorry,” she squeaked, unable to take her eyes off of his ass that was currently in the air. “Is everything okay?”

“No,” he growled. “I’ve hit my toe on this for the last time.”

Shepard took her eyes off of his perfectly toned rear to see a bolt he was removing from the floor. He was angry over a bolt? “What’s really going on?” She asked as she touched his shoulder. “Javik, are you okay? Your skin is on fire.” Great, he’s getting ill and there was going to be very little they could do.

“I can smell your cycle, human,” he growled, his hand clasping her neck abruptly. “Your heat.” Shepard gasped as he stood and walked her backwards, the datapad she was holding clattering to the metal floor. “It affects me.”

“Beacon?” she whispered before his hand tightened.

“I’m going to mate you,” he told her as he jerked at her clothing. Shepard nodded, like she had a choice. He didn’t strip her, not like she wanted. He growled deep in his chest when he pushed her pants over her hips. Javik removed his hand from her neck, her gasp of air desperate before he turned her and jerked her back by her hips.

Then his heated cock was buried inside of her. His smooth barbs fulfilling her in ways she’d never felt before. But he was too gentle. _Harder._ she begged him silently. And he complied. Their moans load in the small space, the sounds of the mating echoing off the walls.

But Javik refused her release. Her eyes watered as he filled her with his seed. He knew, he could feel her disappointment. _It would seem our genetics are compatible, Shepard. You are going to carry my child after today._ Surprise filled her. She couldn’t have children, she had no eggs. _It matters not to a Prothean. You are mine now._ Shepard shuddered as he removed himself from her, his hands dropping away effectively ending their connection.

“Dress and return to your cabin,” he ordered. “I will follow after I’ve collected a few things. You will have your release.”

“I don’t understand, Javik.” She told him. How the hell could she have kids without eggs?

Javik snorted. “Primitives, I will explain at a later time. You are now my wife.”

“Wife?” she repeated dumbly as she clasped her pants.

The man sighed as he washed his hands. “We are now in peace time. Though I suppose my old ways no longer matter. I will leave the choice to you, Shepard.”

To me? How funny the way things worked out. “I’ve spent the last year avoiding any kind of physical contact with you purposely so you didn’t have to feel or see my feelings,” she told him quietly. “I will meet you in _our_ cabin, husband. And you will give me release or so help me…”

“Understood,” he interrupted with a rare smile. 

Gods she couldn’t wait to have him inside of her again.

* * *

**AUTOMATIC**

They’d been together for so long before going their separate ways. Garrus had left. He was expected to be a proper turian.

And Shepard…she understood. But it didn’t stop the pain. Though, she supposed, a couple years of a relationship most of which was in war time, didn’t really count as long-term.

But seeing him again, unmated, a year after he left had been overwhelming. He was the right hand of Primarch Victus. Traveling with his boss to the Citadel was just part of the job. And Shepard was told to be there when they exited the ship.

“Shepard,” Garrus said, his mandibles spread in a smile. She couldn’t help but lean into him when he hugged her. Or pressing the side of her face to his mandible. Or returning the pressure when he pressed his forehead to hers. It was habit. 

Victus coughed, forcing them to separate. She’d missed Garrus. With everything that she was she missed him. 

Returning to her apartment, she sobbed. She’d just let her soul slip between her fingers again. But what could she do against turian laws? Nothing. 

She sighed, but opened her omnitool when it pinged.

……..  
Victus: You are hereby invited to participate in the arena with myself and Garrus tomorrow evening.  
Shepard: No thanks.  
V: Why?  
S: You damn well know why.  
V: Shepard, I do personally apologize for the situation. As Primarch I had no choice.  
S: You did.  
V: Allow me to fight at your side once in my life, Shepard. Please.  
S: For political reasons only, I will agree. But understand, after tomorrow evening I’m leaving.  
V: Where are you going?  
S: Anywhere that doesn’t require me having to see him be mated to another.  
V: I see.  
S: Just leave me alone after this.   
V: As you wish.  
……..

Fucking bastard. He knew how much she and Garrus cared for each other. He knew it and pulled them apart anyway. With a sigh, she lay in bed. She’d already passed the Normandy to Ashley. She’d filled in as a Councilor here and there. She was still a Spectre. But none of that made her feel anything other than more burden on her shoulders.

It was time for her to disappear for a while. To try and get her head on straight. Or to bury herself in work. Either way, she had to let Garrus go.

-

When she arrived at the arena, there were a shit ton of turians making their way to the observation deck. It must be turian night. Since the war ended, the arena had started giving discounts. Every species had a special night where they didn’t have to pay full price for their tickets.

With a heavy sigh, she prepared herself and made her way down to the players section. She came at the last possible minute so she didn’t have to hear Garrus’ banter while her heart broke more. She already stretched and came in her armor. 

Catching sight of the men waiting for her by the elevator fueled her anger towards Victus. She nodded to them as she passed them and entered the elevator.

“Wasn’t sure you were coming, Commander,” Victus said as they entered behind her.

“It’s Admiral,” she answered flatly. “I keep my word.”

The crowd was loud as they entered the arena. It used to invigorate her. Today it did nothing. “Vakarian up high, Victus on his flank,” she ordered as she removed her pistol from her hip.

“What about you?” Victus asked. Shepard said nothing as she looked back at him, her mask firmly in place.

“Way to piss her off, Adrien,” Garrus muttered. “We’ll be lucky if there’s anything left for us.”

“It’s not like I did it on purpose,” Victus returned as they got into position.

“Clear the line,” Shepard ordered. She didn’t want to hear them, she only wanted to get lost in the battle. For the next forty minutes she shot, threw, and slashed her way through the battlefield. She knew Garrus was watching her, covering her. He always did. 

By the time the last enemy fell, the scoreboard had been maxed. Again. The roar of the crowd did nothing to aid the emptiness she was feeling. She knew she would feel it fighting with him again. She waved to the crowd with a fake smile before exiting the simulator. Her companions on her heels. She said nothing as she left the players area. If she opened her mouth she knew she would break again.

As promised, she disappeared. The Council and Alliance accepted her vacation leave immediately.

She stopped cutting her hair, but she didn’t stop training. She played doctor and delivered a baby, but she felt nothing but numbness. She planted crops, got sunburned, filled in for a cook at a diner, but there was no life inside of her.

As her three months of vacation came to a close, she told the leadership she was taking three more. If they didn’t like it, they could fire her.

They accepted the vacation extension without argument. 

Liara found her easily. Before Shepard knew what was happening, she had a brand new home near a beach. It was bittersweet, really. Having the beach at the front, and the jungle at her back. _Retire somewhere tropical…_ She collapsed as her heart broke again. 

Perhaps a home on Virmire was what she deserved after letting Kaidan die. But she couldn’t deny the joy she felt at seeing his memorial. And a research hospital built where the destroyed cloning facility used to be. Kaidan would be happy seeing so many species living and working together. _Alenko Memorial Research Hospital_. It definitely had a ring, though Shepard knew Kaidan would redden furiously at such an honor. 

When she returned back to her villa, there was a turian waiting for her. “I’m not interested in an interview right now. Make an appointment with my publicist.”

“I’m here about Garrus,” the man replied.

Shepard’s hand froze on the door. “Is he okay?”

“He’s alive and well. But only just,” the man answered. “I’m Castis Vakarian.”

Shepard took a deep breath, willing the sudden panic to dissipate before stepping inside and motioning him inside. “What do you need, Mr. Vakarian?”

“I need you to save my son,” he replied quietly.

“I thought you said he was okay?” She asked, her anger quickly flaring.

“I’ve watched him closely since he returned to Palaven. He eats because he has to. I watch him work and converse…”

“Get to the point,” she interrupted. 

“My son feels nothing, tastes nothing. He doesn’t sleep and when he does, he keens in mourning,” Castis told her. “He needs his mate.”

“It’s your laws that forced him to leave me,” Shepard told him angrily, tears betraying her mask.

“That’s why I’m here, Shepard.” Castis informed her as he pointed to her couch. “We’re having an emergency meeting in three days. The details of this meeting have been kept from Garrus.”

“Okay, but get to the point already,” Shepard told him tiredly as she pinched the bridge of her nose.

“My son is mated to you in spirit. And you to him.” Castis said quickly. “We’re abolishing the law that would require him to take a turian mate.”

“What does that mean for me?”

“It means, as soon as the law passes on the floor, I want you there to make your bond public,” Castis told her, his voice rumbling with excitement. “I want you to bring life back into my son.” Shepard loosed the air she didn’t realize she’d been holding. Tears fell on their own accord as the dam broke inside of her, relief flooding her soul. “Come, daughter,” Castis whispered as he hugged her. “You both have suffered enough.”

-

As requested, Shepard dressed in her casual Alliance gear, and kept her hair down. _Garrus would enjoy it, I think. Castis said._ She hid in a side office until everything began. Then, with a guards help, she snuck out to watch the proceedings where Garrus couldn’t see her.

If it didn’t give her away, she would have laughed when the vote came to Castis as a tie. She knew what his vote would be, even if he was silent for dramatic effect. She could easily imagine Garrus staring him down.

“What say you, Castis Vakarian?” Victus asked from his podium.

“Yes,” Victus replied.

Shepard didn’t know what Adrien was saying, she didn’t care. All that mattered was that the vote went through. She waited until Castis nodded in her direction before she made her entrance.

Silence descended over the room as she made her way to the middle of the floor. “Admiral Shepard,” Victus said, addressing her. “What can I do for you?”

“You can give my mate ten week’s vacation,” Shepard replied sweetly as the room filled with murmurs. Only three people in that room knew who she was speaking of. 

“I’d say he’s more than earned a lengthy vacation,” Victus replied with a smirk. “Garrus Vakarian, you are hereby on vacation until such time that Shepard’s vacation ends,” Victus announced, silencing the room.

She stood perfectly still as fire entered Garrus’ eyes, his long legs leaving little distance between them before he had her in his arms. “You just made me your mate,” his whispered emotionally, his forehead pressed flush with hers.

“And in a few minutes, you’ll be my husband,” she replied with a watery smile. “I’ll file the paperwork while you pack your bags.”

“Still interested in seeing if we can do the impossible again?” Garrus asked her as he carried her from the room, guards filing in around them.

“A turian-human hybrid?” She asked. “Why not, we’ve done far more insane things.”

* * *

**NOD**

It was such a simple thing to let her know he was free. One little nod in her direction. 

Then she’d sneak into his quarters during the shift change.

Breaking the regs wasn’t something he’d done before. Hell, he’d followed every rule. Until the little redhead. Admiral Steven Hackett brought down by a woman twenty years his junior. But goddess, she felt so good. 

It had been a little strange at first, to be worshipped by such a young woman. But he’d grown used to it. Now it was the anticipation of having her that made his cock twitch every time he looked at her. 

He’d lied to the admiralty board, telling them he was grooming for leadership. But really, he just wanted to bury himself inside of her as often as possible. And since his military record was pristine, the board took him at his word and allowed him to do what he willed with her career. 

There were times, like right now, when he was balls deep inside of her when he wanted her career to stall. To hold her here. But once he filled her, selfishly poured his seed inside of her willing body, he’d backtrack his thoughts. He’d send her where she could best be of use. Even if it meant she’d be gone for months at a time. 

“Sending me away again, Steven?” she asked with a small smile.

“Not because I want to,” he replied. “I’d rather have you right here,” he said, rolling his hips to emphasize his need of her. 

“You better start making it up to me then, for sending me away from your magnificent cock,” she teased.

“I knew you only wanted me for the orgasms.”

“Better orgasms than promotions,” she said, her chuckle turning into a moan. “I’ll miss you.”

“I’ll miss you too,” he told her before pressing his lips to hers.

* * *

**HAPPY**

This was the first time he’d ever been called in to remove someone on Shepard’s request. Bailey usually took care of it himself, but the man was home with something the humans called the flu. 

Kolyat had seen Shepard here and there on the Citadel, and if he was honest, he was always happy to see her. Even if she didn’t notice him. 

Gods he’d love to fuck that woman. Especially seeing her in that tight, short dress as she restrained a handsy human. 

Kolyat’s partner cuffed and took the guy to C-Sec while Kolyat stayed to get Shepard’s statement. It would be difficult to hide his erection in his C-Sec leathers, he thought with a sigh. He cleared his throat and followed when she beckoned him to follow her. 

Her ass was barely covered in that dress as he followed her up the stairs. Gods he wanted to touch her skin. Bury his face between her legs. Make her scream…

Kolyat tried to listen as the door locked behind him. He did need her statement but he couldn’t keep his eyes from lingering. 

“See something you like, Kolyat?” she asked him, his eyes snapping up to her smirk. Damn smirk made him angry. She knew he was aroused by her.

Dropping the datapad, he took three strides to her before pulling her hips flush against him, her gasp making him growl. He stared down at her as he walked her backwards to the wall, his fingers easily pulling the skirt up over her ass. Her panties…well they weren’t wearable now, much to Kolyat’s enjoyment. He stuffed them in his pocket before releasing his cock from the confines of his leathers.

Another gasp left her plump lips when he hefted her up, then a wanton moan as he seated her on his cock. “You purposely tease me,” Kolyat growled before jerking down the top of her dress. He wanted to see the movement as he fucked her. 

“I didn’t know they’d send you,” she whispered before he thrust hard into her.

“Bullshit,” he replied as he thrust again, her head falling back against the wall. “You requested me.”

“Kolyat,” she begged.

“I get release,” he said jerking his hips into her again. “You do not.” He hummed when she whined. “Consider it punishment,” he whispered against her ear before jerking his hips into her for a final time, his release filling her completely. His scent would stay for days. “Perhaps I’ll take you home now. Give you a chance to make up for teasing me,” he said, her moan music to his ears, as humans would say. “Maybe I’ll even let you have your release.”

Kolyat carefully removed himself and set her down. “Thanks, Kolyat, but I gotta run,” Shepard said.

She was playing with him again. “That so?”

“Yeah, got a date,” she replied as she pulled her dress back down.

Kolyat growled, his hand reaching out to grasp her neck and pull her close to him, “Do not toy with me, Shepard.” Damn woman snorted before removing his hand and bending over to collect the datapad. Before she could stand, Kolyat quickly shoved her dress back up and pushed himself back inside of her. He grasped her hair and jerked her head up. “I told you I’m taking you home, and I will even if I have to cuff you.” Fuck, she felt so good. Releasing her hair, he grasped the soft skin on her hips and thrust hard into her. Her moans and cries were loud enough to draw attention if not for the thumping of the music below them.

It was pornographic, the sounds coming from their union as he took her roughly. He moaned as his released filled her, her hips grinding back into him as she desperately sought friction. Kolyat chuckled cruelly as he removed himself. “Fix your dress, we’re leaving.” He hummed with joy when she could barely hold herself up. She’d be lucky to walk when he was finished with her.

* * *

**HAT**

The loft was dark, just as she expected since Joker had taken her up on her offer to have the empty bed. Turning on the lights just enough to see him, she quietly made her way to Joker. He was sprawled out on his back, sleeping in his boxers and his damned hat. As much as he wore it, it probably stank to high heaven.

“Joker,” she whispered.

“Hmm?” he answered sleepily.

“Go use my shower while you can,” she told him. “And leave the hat.”

The tired man grumbled but complied as he carefully rose from the bed. And who would have thought he had so much hair under that hat? Especially since he slept in the damn thing. As soon as the door shut behind him, she grabbed the hat and stuffed it in her laundry bag before stripping and putting his special made hat on top of her head. It had taken some doing finding a place that would embroider the Alliance issued hat, but being a Spectre had its uses.

Propping herself up on the pillows, hair down, hat on, she waited. 

Joker left the bathroom muttering. “Wake me up to shower, I don’t even stink.” It was hard watching him walk to the bed without giving herself away so quickly, his head down as he cursed under his breath as he halted at the foot of the bed.

“I have a reason for everything, Joker,” she said as she eyed the way the towel hung off of his hips.

“What the shit?” Joker said, his green eyes wide as he stared at her.

“Well, I figured the only way to get your hat off your head was to make you shower,” she told him while pretending she wasn’t completely naked. “Since I got you a present…”

“Huh?”

“Eyes up here, Joker,” she said with a small smile. 

“You bought me a hat?” Joker stated dumbly. “Shepard’s Pilot,” he said reading the words on the front.

“If you want it though, you’re going to have to claim it,” she told him, her voice dropping when she noticed the forming tent under the towel. There were only so many positions Joker could safely have sex in, and one of those happened to be her favorite. 

The towel hanging off of his shoulders fell to the floor as she crawled down the bed before turning and offering herself to him. She moaned softly as soon as he freed himself from the towel, his shaking hands guiding himself inside of her. 

He was slow and gentle in his taking of her. But he was thorough. So very thorough, she thought with a whimper as his hands lightly grazed her sex. He teased and teased, building her sexual tension in her entire body as she did her best to remain still.

Then she was crying out as wave after wave of pleasure rolled through her over sensitive body. Joker followed her, his soft grunt and stilling of his hips bringing a smile to her face.

Shepard waited until he tugged on her shoulder to sit up, his arms wrapping around her from behind. “Best wife ever,” he whispered in her ear.

She chuckled as she carefully turned in his arms and wrapped her arms around his waist. “I just wanted to remember what you looked like without the hat is all,” she teased. 

“Liar,” he whispered against her lips with a smile before tugging the hat on her head. “You just don’t want to share me.”

“Damn straight, husband,” she replied.


	16. Chapter 16

**TELEPHONE**

Lioness of Elysium, N7 soldier, Savior of the Citadel, Banisher of the Collectors, and The Avatar of Victory in the Reaper War, and she answered fucking calls.

For Admiral Fucking Hackett.

With a sigh, she answered the next. “What?”

[Um, is this Admiral Hackett’s office?]

“Yes.”

[Great, I need to make an appointment. Is there anything open for tomorrow?]

“9 a.m.,” Shepard answered.

[Fantastic, I’ll take it.]

“Name?” Someone please shoot me.

[*giggle* Addison Jones. Thanks!]

And fuck you too.

“Shepard, I need the file for…”

“Get off your ass and get it yourself,” she interrupted. Hackett exited the office, his eyebrow raised but before he could speak another call came in. Rolling her eyes, she answered. “What?”

[Is Admiral Hackett free?]

“No,” she replied.

[Does he have lunch plans?]

“Classified,” Shepard replied. She didn’t know if he did or not. She really just didn’t care. She hung up.

“I’m getting complaints about my secretary,” Hackett stated as he dug into the files behind her.

“I don’t give two fucks,” she replied evenly.

The man sighed before looking over her shoulder at her terminal. “Cancel Addison Jones,” he said, his voice gruff.

“Why?”

“She’s my Conrad,” he replied.

“Good,” she answered coolly.

“Shepard,” he said in warning. “This job isn’t a punishment, you’re healing.”

The man was interrupted as his next meeting arrived. She gave him a fake smile before muting her phone line. It sure felt like punishment. Eight hours of torture.

-

By the time Addison’s appointment arrived, Shepard was feeling a little guilty. She quickly sent him a message to play along before announcing the blonde’s arrival.

“Husband, your nine is here,” Shepard said sweetly. The woman’s face paled a little but Shepard pretended not to notice.

“Thank you, dear, I’ll be right out,” he replied instantly. “Ah, Ms. Jones, what can I do for you today?” The woman blushed at the attention, not unlike Conrad did with Shepard. “I will apologize, my schedule got overbooked with meetings today so I won’t be able to see you.”

“Oh, I completely understand. It’s not important so I’ll see you another time,” Ms. Jones said with a bright smile. Yep, just like Conrad.

“I thank you for your understanding,” Hackett said before turning to Shepard. “Hold my calls, love, I’ll be on the QEC.” Shepard gasped when he leaned down to kiss her gently on the lips before nodding to Addison and returning to his office. If she wasn’t in this damn wheel chair…

“Oh, Ms. Jones,” Shepard called as the woman turned to leave. “Are you single?”

“Uh, yes,” she replied, her face scrunched up in confusion.

“Would it be weird to put you in touch with someone that I think is perfect for you?” Shepard asked as she scribbled the omni address down for her. “He is such a sweet man, and you have such a beautiful smile. I just couldn’t help to think of him the second I saw you.”

“Really?” The woman said, her eyes lighting up. “I’d be glad to message him.”

Hackett left the office as soon as Addison was gone. “Who did you set her up with?”

“Conrad Verner,” Shepard replied. 

“You are terrible,” he replied with mirth. “Wife.”

“Kiss me again, husband,” she told him with a flirty smile, “And I’ll show you just how far I’ve come since I was stuck in that lonely hospital bed.” She let her eyes take in his lean body. “I’ll make you my physical therapy tool.”

* * *

**SHARE**

There was an unspoken rule on the Normandy. One that Wrex apparently hadn’t learned the first time if his pained groan was anything to go by.

“I forgot,” he told her. Shepard no doubt made sure he wouldn’t forget again.

“I don’t understand what just happened,” Vega whispered.

Garrus waited until Shepard entered Liara’s den before answering. “Shepard doesn’t share her coffee. She spends a lot of credits on it, which is why she gets her own coffee pot.”

“Krogan drink coffee?” Vega asked, his expression surprised.

“No, but Wrex just wanted to make sure she was still in good shape,” Garrus replied. 

“Yep, she’s good,” Wrex wheezed from the ground as he covered his aching quad. “Still hits just as hard.”

“He’s got some balls,” Vega whispered. “Well…maybe he did.”

* * *

**END**

“Shepard, stop!” he yelled.

It didn’t stop her from pushing her wheelchair over the edge, her body automatically clenching when the cold water hit her. She didn’t fight as she began to sink, her chair pulling her down foot by foot. 

He wouldn’t get to her in time, she thought as she inhaled the ice cold water. Which was what she was counting on. It was the reason she wheeled herself to the shut-down Presidium. They’d taken her guns, her body processed poison thanks to her cybernetics. It didn’t leave very many options.

Darkness closed in around her as her body fought to expel the water from her lungs. But she was calm. She was accepting. 

And then she was gone.

-

No. nononono. Steven repeated as he shed his uniform top and dove in after her. She’d been in the water for thirty seconds. He’d counted. He still counted as he swam as fast as he could to the shadow he saw below him.

Forty-five seconds.

He could almost grasp the chair.

Sixty-two seconds.

She was smiling, her eyes closed as he released the belt on her chair to free her as tiny air bubbles floated to the surface from her nose.

Ninety seconds when he reached the surface, her lifeless body pulled tight to him.

One hundred seventeen seconds when he pushed her onto the walkway, one hundred twenty nine when he joined her and began CPR. 

Three hundred and seventy two seconds when she coughed and vomited water. He sobbed as he forced her on her side. And when she looked at him in anger. 

“I don’t care how much you hate me, Shepard,” he told her roughly. “I’d rather you look at me like that than not look at me at all.”

She blinked, the anger fading as a softness appeared. A look he hadn’t seen in her eyes since before the Reaper War. She gave him a nod, before reaching her arms out to him.

“I’m moving in,” he told her as soon as he was standing with her in his arms. “I’ll move my office to the Citadel, I don’t care what it takes.”

“Okay,” she said roughly. Her first word since their fight to activate the crucible. He had to stop at a bench and sit down as the emotions overwhelmed him again. “I’m sorry,” she whispered.

They were shivering and crying, but they were alive. And today, that was enough.

* * *

**HANGING**

“Kal?”

“Yes, Ma’am?”

“Why are you on the ceiling?” Shepard asked as she looked at him through the engineering deck’s observation window. His hands clinging on a rail as he dangled.

“It’s….well you see….” Kal sighed. “So, I met Jack.”

Shepard burst into laughter as James started expanding the emergency ladder. She laughed the entire elevator ride down to the cargo hold where Steve had to help her out of the elevator. 

“I don’t understand what’s so funny,” Vega said as he watched the quarian descend. 

Shepard sucked in air, “Please tell me you didn’t call her ‘Ma’am’?”

“I did,” Kal replied as he finally reached the deck. “Is she okay?” Kal asked pointing at Shepard.

“EDI!” Shepard yelled, which came out more of a squeak since she was being killed with laughter. “Send footage to Tali.”

“My guess would be to ask Tali,” Steve said as he slowly slid to the floor with Shepard.

-

One by one Kal was forced to go to a different crew member. Tali was in a fit of laughter, just as Shepard had been. Garrus fell over his console, unable to stand. Liara’s laughter could be heard from outside her door. 

Lastly he ended up being sent to Doctor Chakwas. Finally, a professional that could tell him what the keelah was happening.

Except, it sounded like she was about to hack a loogey. Then her face went neutral and calm, and then she burst into laughter much the same as the others.

For the rest of the day anytime any of them looked at him the burst into tightly controlled giggles until they could no longer contain it.

* * *

**MOOR**

Wrex led the way, weapons strapped to their armor as they walked in the intense heat. Shepard really didn’t like coming to Tuchanka, but she adored the big guy so she always came when he called. And that wasn’t very often. He never asked for much.

“Here we are,” he told her as they exited the lush greenery of the growing jungle to an open field covered in sand. “I don’t know what I’m doing wrong with these whelps, but their shooting is worse than the turians was.”

“I love you too, Wrex,” Garrus quipped.

“I need them to be more than some blood thirsty krogan, Shepard,” Wrex said. “I need you to teach them like you did Grunt.”

“Grunt was different, Wrex, he’s my baby,” Shepard replied as she took the shooting range in.

“I know,” Wrex said softly. “I went to Grunt first, but even he can’t get their heads on straight.”

“Alright,” Shepard said as she checked to make sure her helmet was locked. “I’m ready to knock some sense into them.”

Garrus groaned, “Shepard Bootcamp?”

“Hell yes,” Shepard replied. “Wrex, get Garrus an aircycle to ride.”

“And what do you want?” he asked her.

“My varren chariot of course,” she told him with a wink. Wrex’s booming laughter startled the krogan playing with their weapons. With a pleased sigh, she set off in their direction.

“It’s Urdnot Shepard!” they said. “She’ll show us how to kill the big ones!”

“What the fuck are you all doing standing around like a bunch of worthless pyjaks?! Put your guns down and form up. NOW!” she yelled at the wide eyed youngsters. When one of them snorted, Shepard reared back and gave him a little biotic head bump. As soon as the krogan’s ass hit the ground, the rest started moving. 

“You knew she was bored didn’t you?” Garrus asked Wrex.

“I did.” Wrex answered. “But I know the atmosphere on Tuchanka isn’t too her liking so I don’t ask for her help much.”

“As long as she’s breathing, she’ll come when you call, Wrex. We both will.” Garrus told him.

“I appreciate that, Garrus,” Wrex told him. “And so do your nieces and nephews she’s tearing into over there. They just don’t know it yet.”


	17. Chapter 17

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Life has been busy. June has not been very kind to me but I'm still standing. Hope you all are enjoying your summer!

**INTRODUCE**

“Sparatus, is he single?” Shepard asked for the millionth time. 

The councilor groaned into his hands, “Spirits, Shepard, would you leave me be?”

“You should never have introduced me to the sexy man that is your brother if you had no intention of filling me in on the details,” Shepard said as she took the seat in front of his desk. She was here for the long haul then. Lovely. 

“Shepard, he’s gay.”

“What?!” she said, her voice rising into an octave that made his head hurt. 

“I didn’t realize you found him attractive. If I had known I would have said so in the beginning,” Sparatus told her as she collapsed back into the chair. 

“You could have told me weeks ago!”

“I do apologize, I was enjoying having something over you for once.” It had been cruel now that he was really thinking about it. His brother was highly attractive. Sparatus didn’t get as lucky in that department. 

Shepard groaned, “What does a girl gotta do to get laid?”

Sparatus stared at her, his mandibles slack against his face as he tried and failed to come up with anything. “I didn’t know you were just looking to relieve tension.”

“Can you see anyone wanting to settle down with me, Sparatus?” She asked him quietly. His subvocals rumbled when her shoulders drooped in defeat. “Chaos erupts wherever I go. My life is dangerous on a good day.” The woman rubbed her face in frustration. “Most humans can’t handle the stress caused by it. Which is why I’ve been drooling over your brother.”

“Turians handle sex and relationships differently,” Sparatus surmised. “And since our species is fully military, the stress wouldn’t be…”

“Exactly,” she answered. “I’m going home. Sorry to pester you.”

“I could stop by your apartment later?” He asked her, his mandibles twitching against his face nervously. This woman was the most deserving of happiness, though he doubted he could be the one to give it. 

“Aren’t you married?” Shepard asked, her brow raised.

Thanks to Anderson, he was getting better with human expressions. And hers was definitely surprised curiosity. “My wife passed in the Reaper War.”

“I didn’t know, I’m sorry,” Shepard told him.

Looking down at her holo, he sighed. “This job was easier with her here.”

“And your mistress?” How the spirits? He didn’t want to know. 

“Between you and me, my mistress was merely the bastard daughter of Primarch Fedoran.” That had been some crazy stuff to explain to his wife. “She isn’t my mistress as one would think. She is safe per Fedoran’s order, though with him gone and her of age, I no longer shelter her.”

His omnitool pinged making him look at it. Shepard’s apartment code. He sucked in air before looking up at her. “I’ll see you soon,” she told him with a warm smile before leaving his office.

First the first time in ages, he felt giddy with excitement.

* * *

**STOMACH**

The tears fell as her feet pounded against the stretch of beach she’d ran a million times. When she was working, she didn’t have to remember. But with the Normandy in for upgrades on Horizon, she was forced to face the memories that broke her soul each time they peeked through.

_The shuttle hit the ground hard._

_“Everyone okay?” Steve called to the back as Shepard unstrapped her belt. They’d had to transport Garrus, the man Shepard loved, and his pregnant mate. Keeping her face blank had been difficult, especially when Garrus tried to joke with her like they’d used to. Back when she thought she had a chance with him. But when she finally got the nerve to tell him, he introduced her to his fiancé._

_“Something’s wrong,” Garrus called from the back, his subvocals warbling with worry. “The baby’s coming.”_

_“Fuck,” Shepard whispered. “Call medical.”_

_She said nothing as she pulled the medikit and began prepping to deliver her love’s child. Her mask was fully in place even as her heart began to break again. She’d hoped to be far from Palaven when this happened._

_Every loving word that came out of Garrus’ mouth to his mate cut into Shepard. But she focused on the baby emerging from the screaming turian. As soon as the child was born, and her position being taken over by medics, Shepard left the broken shuttle to enter the Normandy’s spare while Vega and Cortez dealt with their busted machine on the ground. But not before vomiting. She couldn’t even bring herself to look back as they loaded the new parents into medicar._

_She prided herself on keeping the emotions down until she reached her cabin._

Three years later it still hurt. Her feet skidded to a stop as the tears poured from her soul. Her sobs making her double over as her knees hit the ground. 

-

Garrus watched from the tree line as she collapsed onto the ground, her body shaking as her keens drifted to him. 

He never knew. Not until Joker told him six months ago. 

But the clarity helped everything make sense. How she closed him off, refused to joke with him, and how her face showed nothing as she calmly delivered the baby in that shuttle. Why she didn’t look back when he mentally begged her to, so he could see her before she left. 

If only he’d known then what he knows now…

He swallowed down the emotion and quietly made his way to her. Joker knew where she would be, where she always was. Garrus said nothing as he easily lifted the sandy, sobbing woman from the ground and walked back towards the place she called home when her ship was docked.

But as soon as they were inside her door, and she realized who was carrying her, the mask fell back into place. He was back on the outside. She excused herself.

When he heard the shower turn on, he followed. He was going to drown in his emotions if something didn’t give.

He knocked on her bathroom door, “Can I come in?”

“I’m naked,” she replied, her voice rough. She was crying again.

“I’ve seen you naked dozens of times, Shepard,” he rumbled. He may or may not have taken a few holos on his eye piece when she wasn’t looking. “Probably hundreds.” He waited until the shower door closed before he entered anyway.

“What do you want, Garrus?” she asked tiredly.

“To talk,” he replied as he began stripping. This wasn’t exactly the conversation one had when you couldn’t see their face. They’d shared showers a dozen times when they were serving together anyway. She said nothing as he entered the shower and pulled the door closed behind him. “Turn around, please.”

“Why?” She asked, her body red from the heat of the water.

“Some conversations need to be face-to-face,” he said gently. He knew he won when she sighed. “You could share the water too.” The look she gave him was one he remembered well. _You can’t be serious._ Then she pressed a button and water fell on top of his head and down his face. “Perfect, thanks,” he drawled as he took a step closer to her to let the water run down his back. She was suppressing a smile, but he could see it in the way her eyes lit up. Spirits he’d missed her.

But before he could blink, it was gone. “Your mate will kill you if she smells me on you.”

She didn’t know. How could she if what Joker said was true? Anything that had his name on it had been ignored for the last three years. “It’s a good thing I don’t have one then,” he said watching her face for a reaction. She gave him nothing. “Turns out that the baby wasn’t mine.” Her eyes widened briefly before they filled with anger. “She used me because of my rank.”

“I’m sorry, Garrus,” she told him, her eyes showing the truth behind the words.

“It’s stupid really, all of it. It could have been avoided if I had just…” Garrus sighed. He was never good with this stuff. Instead, he invaded her personal space, his hands on her ribs pulling her flush against his plates. Spirits how many times had he dreamed of doing just that? “Every day I woke up on Palaven wishing I was home on the Normandy. Every time I rolled over in bed, I was hoping it was you next to me.” He purred when she sucked in a breath that he felt in his bones. “Tell me what I have to do to come home, Shepard.” His subvocals wavered against his will when she cupped his face. 

“Just stay,” she whispered as fresh tears mixed with the water pouring over their bodies. “And give the algorithm’s a break once in a while,” she joked her voice cracking.

“But the lines of code are amazing,” he purred before pressing his forehead to hers. “I’ve missed you so much, Shepard.”

“I’ve missed you too.”

* * *

**BEG**

David Anderson, Councilor, apparently didn’t like cats. “Come on, Shepard, or our dinner will be cold before we get to eat it.”

“But look at it!” Shepard said, “He’s beautiful.”

“No cats.” He told her again.

“Please?” She pleaded.

But he just laughed and pulled her away from the window of kittens. They weren’t on earth often, there had been too much rebuilding. It was a completely different place now. Better systems, less homeless, and a lot less stray animals. Growing up in the Alliance didn’t allow her to have pets. Other than the occasional stray, she’d never would have even touched a cat.

Perhaps he was right, it was just a cat. 

-

“What did you do to our woman?” Steven asked after Shepard excused herself.

“I told her she couldn’t have a kitten,” David replied. “And the one she wanted was crazy fluffy.”

“It’s just a cat, it’s not like she asked you to get her a planet of her own,” Steven said as he rinsed his dinner plate off. 

“But there will be fur all over our uniforms. Do you really want to walk around with a lint roller?”

“No, but she’ll have it on the Normandy most of the time. Besides,” Hackett said as he patted his old friend on the shoulder. “She more than anyone deserves a little ball of fun.”

“Too true,” David replied with a defeated sigh. “Look, I’ll go get it and get it set up in her cabin if you can keep her distracted by my absence.”

“Deal,” Steven said.

-

Her cabin felt off. Someone had been there. If it wasn’t for the giant bear propped up on her bed with a datapad, she would have drawn her gun. David always bought her something when he felt guilty. How she adored that man.

..  
Shepard,

After speaking to Steven, we decided we could live with a little fur on our uniforms because we love you. 

-David  
P.S. I hope it fares better than the fish.  
…

Shepard froze when her bathroom door slid open, but no one exited. Damn men were making fun of her. Oh haha. Teddy bear fur.

“No way,” she whispered as a familiar ball of fur on four legs tumbled down the steps. “Ohmygooooooooood!” She would never tell a soul that she wept as the joy overwhelmed her.

-

“You’re the one that talked me into it,” David said as they looked at their uniforms.

“But look how happy she is,” Steven said wistfully as Shepard’s laughter floated up to them on the balcony as they watched her play with Urdnot Jazz. The cat apparently liked jazz music. 

“I bought you a lent roller,” David said as he handed over their new weapon. “There’s a dozen more in the kitchen drawer.”

* * *

**TRICK**

EDI was learning humor. It wasn’t something that was easily explained to an A.I. but she tried.

“How about you hide all Joker’s porn?”

“Done,” EDI replied.

“Okay, now do exactly what I tell you, EDI,” Shepard said as she prepared to enter the elevator. “The trick is the delivery.”

“Understood, Shepard.”

Getting to the elevator barefoot was freaking stupid. The floor was freezing. But she had to be as silent as possible to approach the helm. She wanted to see this prank first hand. 

“Um, EDI?” How easy is was to predict Joker.

“Yes, Jeff,” EDI replied warmly.

“Where’s my porn?” he asked, his fingers flying over the controls.

EDI turned her head to look at him, “I thought we agreed there was no longer a need for porn since Shepard attained the help of the geth to perfect my platform.”

“What do you mean no need for porn?” Joker nearly screeched, his hands halting all movement. “Where’s my porn?”

“I deleted it, Jeff,” EDI replied evenly.

“You WHAT?!” he yelled. Shepard had to bite her finger to keep from laughing. That man and his porn. 

“I needed more space for my beauty videos, so I deleted the porn. I didn’t think you’d mind since we have no need for it, Jeff,” EDI told him nonchalantly.

Oh EDI was pulling this off flawlessly.

“Of course I need my porn! Everyone needs porn!” Shepard stayed perfectly still for the next thirty minutes while Joker desperately tried to find his precious stash. Finally, the man groaned and dropped his head in his hands as defeat washed over him. “I can’t believe this.” He turned to look at EDI as Shepard peeked back out. “Do you have anything to say about this?”

“Yes, just one thing,” EDI replied. 

“What? What could you possibly say? That you’re sorry?!” Joker was panicking over porn. Oh this was priceless.

“I’m not sorry,” EDI replied evenly.

“Then what?”

EDI turned her head to look at Joker, “April Fool’s.”

Shepard burst into laughter as Joker tried to take in everything that just happened. She stumbled into the helm while Joker stuttered. “EDI, that was fantastic,” Shepard told her through her laughter. “You are the queen!”

“That’s not funny, Shepard! I can’t believe you both did this!” Joker pulled his hat down. “That’s just pure evil.”

* * *

**RACE**

There were very few people that could outrun her. So when the turian that was next to her caught up to her, she was surprised. Making her rounds on the Presidium late into the night usually meant she was alone. Other than a few cleaners. And they just waved as she passed.

But this guy, he was going to make her work for it. 

“Last round,” she breathed. 

“Loser buys breakfast,” he replied easily. The bastard. 

Her feet pounded hard on the metal, her stride as long and fast as it would go as they neared transport station. But she couldn’t break ahead of him.

They tied.

The only victory she felt out of it was seeing the turian breathing just as hard as she was. It was a long few minutes before she got herself under control.

“Do you always race exercising Spectres?” She asked before taking a sip of water.

“Do you always dress so provocatively for a run?” He rebuttled.

She looked down at her short tank and short exercise shorts, “I always work out like this. Never heard a complaint.”

“And you wouldn’t but you would hear a lot of subvocals from turians,” he replied, his mandible moving out into a smirk.

She had heard a lot of subvocals her last time through C-Sec. “And they mean?”

“The same that mine do.”

“I don’t speak turian, sweetheart,” she told him as she made her way to the stairwell.

He didn’t answer until they were in a small alcove. And when he did, he was nearly pressed up against her. “Would you be interested in a tie-breaker?” He asked, his voice dropping into a sexy rumble.

Oh. _Oh, shit._ “All those turians wanted to bed me?”

“Definitely.”

“And the cleaner we passed?” she asked as her face begin to burn in embarrassment.

“Oh, yes,” he replied, his talons skimming the bare skin on the side of her waist.

Her embarrassment quickly turned to arousal. Shepard easily jerked him flush against her as she lifted her leg onto his hip. His moan instant. “A tie-breaker, huh,” she said with a smile. “Care to see how flexible I can be?”

“Spirits, yes,” he growled.

“Then perhaps we should take a transport instead, unless you know a short cut back to the embassy quarters?”

“Being C-Sec has its advantages, come on before I take you here and get us both in trouble,” he told her as he grabbed her hand and pulled her through a previously locked door.

“Through C-Sec? You just want to brag,” Shepard whispered in mirth.

“Hell yes I do.”


	18. Chapter 18

**JELLYFISH**

The gift Kaidan got her for her fish tank, was well received. But fuck if she didn’t hate the squiggly things. The memory bubbled to the surface before she could will it away. Her leg ached as she remembered the tentacles wrapping around her calf.

That had been the first and last time she’d gone to the beach. 

Never ever again.

And now she had this damn thing in her fish tank _eating_ her favorite fish. Because Kaidan thought she would like it. He was sweet, truly. 

If only he knew of her reason for avoiding hanar.

 

**MUDDLED**

“It’s my husband!” Shepard yelled in victory as Garrus deposited her into the medbay. 

“SitRep?” Hackett asked taking in a very uncharacteristic Shepard. Shepard never smiled and she never rose her voice outside of the battle field. 

“First she was drugged,” Garrus said as Shepard jumped on his back, making him grunt in an effort to keep from falling over. 

“Yeehaw!” Shepard yelled before she pointed in Hackett’s direction. “Onward, steed, and take me to my husband!”

What the hell? This couldn’t be real. “Gladly,” Garrus said as he dropped her on the bed next to Hackett. “Then she may have bumped her head. She’s all yours.”

“Doctor, do some bloodwork,” Hackett ordered as he tried to still Shepard’s hands. 

“Can we have sex again?” Shepard asked him, a smile plastered to her face as soon as the doctor stepped away. “We were drunk last time so I don’t remember it well.”

He grunted when Shepard palmed his groin before yanking her hands back up to his chest. “Keep your hands above the waist, Shepard.” 

“You aren’t going to like this, Admiral,” Chakwas said as she tried to hide the hints of a smile forming.

“What?” He asked roughly when Shepard fought his hold. _Son of a bitch she’s strong._

“All that’s in her system is Serrice Ice Brandy and common alliance truth serum,” Chakwas told him as she read the results. “The same stuff we still have locked down today.”

“Take me to loft, Steven,” Shepard whispered.

Hackett looked down at her trying to remember any time he may have spent with the young red head. Nothing came to mind. “Married?”

“Yep! Ten years we’ve been married and not once have you ever acknowledged me,” she said, her bright smile quickly turning into a flat line as her eyes filled with tears and her hands dropped into her lap. “You said you loved me. But you’re just like the rest of them. Disappointments.” 

Steven watched in shocked silence as she stood and strode out of the medbay with her heart pouring down her face. He didn’t know she had one outside of her crew.

“I suggest you think real hard about where you were ten years ago,” Chakwas stated before closing down her terminal. “The serum will wear off, but the heartache she feels is very real.”

“Me? Married?” He asked out loud.

“If it were anyone but Shepard, I’d say no. But even in her early twenties she was still a force to be reckoned with,” Karin said gently. “I suggest you make your research fast, because once that serum wears off, she’ll close herself back up.”

-

Of course he loved her. Any straight man would. But he never thought he’d voiced it. Until he looked at their files to find dates that had them at the same place. One was exactly ten years ago. Las Vegas, Nevada, The United States, Earth. 

Neither of them had been in uniform which was probably why Hackett didn’t put the pieces together. That and alcohol. An insane amount of alcohol. But that was his signature on the marriage license. And that was Shepard’s. The woman that won the reaper war was his wife.

Hackett groaned when he realized what happened. He was a big jerk. Marrying a woman twenty years his junior then promptly forgetting about it.

-

Thanks to EDI, Hackett was able to locate her on the Presidium. But when he caught sight of her, his heart beat wildly, terrified she was making a fool of herself in front of the press that seemed to have stopped her.

“Shepard!” he called out as he briskly walked in her direction. The gossip stations reporter’s eyes bugged out in excitement while Ms. Wong smiled calmly as Shepard spoke to her. She was going to murder him if she was still under the serum’s influence. He kind of hoped she was. Just to make talking easier.

Shepard turned as he joined her. “Admiral Hackett, is there something I can do for you?”

Calm and disappointment filled him when he met her eyes, her usual mask firmly in place. He did the first thing that came to mind. He kissed her. In front of the damn reporters. The mask she wore, uncaring and ever so calm scared him more than what she’d do to him for kissing her in front of the press.

_Today, not only were we given a few minutes of Commander Shepard’s time, but we were also joined by Admiral Hackett._

_After a romantic kiss that left Commander Shepard stunned and blushing, Admiral Hackett announced their tenth wedding anniversary before excusing himself to take his wife off on a romantic getaway._

_From all of us at Citadel News Network, we just want to say Congratulations to the galaxy’s power couple!_

* * *

**TRACK**

Vega grunted as he and Steve tried to lift the shuttle back onto its track. But to no avail. 

“Shepard, we’ve got a problem,” Steve said into the intercom. Within minutes she was in the cargo bay getting a sitrep.

“Move out of the way,” she said to the men as she moved in behind the shuttle.

“Lola, me and Steve couldn’t budge it, there’s no….way…” he trailed off as her muscles bulged and the back end of the shuttle lifted easily off the ground. He stood dumbstruck as Steve told her which way to go before she slowly dropped it right onto the track.

“You were saying, Vega,” she replied as she dusted off her hands. No signs of strain in her features or breathing.

“Marry me,” he whispered awestruck, her wink and laughter making him snap his jaw shut.

“Really, Mr. Vega? Marry me,” Steve mocked. “Good luck getting her away from Garrus. The turian definitely has the hots for her.”

“I’ll fight him for her,” Vega said seriously, his head jerking back to Steve before looking back to the elevator. “I’ll be back.”

* * *

**FORK**

Over three months of dealing with the douchebag who thought it was okay to sexually harass her every time he could. Three long months of anger. Of telling him to back the fuck off. Of reporting him to his commanding officer. Of reporting him to the MP’s. 

And they did nothing. Not one fucking thing to make it end. She was leaving soon but she knew she’d be replaced by some other woman that leadership wouldn’t take seriously.

She was fed up. Fucking done.

When she stood from the lunch table and leaned over to grab her tray, he placed his hands on her hips, his groin pressed to her like he was her lover. Like he had permission. The man across from her, her roommate, knew what hell the pervert was putting her through. He looked her in the eye as he slid his fork across the table, the person next to her doing the same as they moved her tray onto theirs. 

Before the man knew what was happening, Shepard thrown her head back, breaking nose before taking his hand and stabbing the fork through it, all the way to the metal table. His scream of pain drawing attention as she did the same to the other. 

No one helped him. No one dared move.

Grabbing his jaw tight, she turned his face to hers. “Sexually harass me again, or any woman for that matter, and I’ll happily run a fork through your penis. Do I make myself clear?”

For the next four hours, Shepard had to sit in Admiral Hackett’s office while he gathered the information, witness reports, and the copies of the reports she’d turned in to various people for the sexual harassment. 

Apparently, none of them bothered to file it. The only thing that saved her ass was the copies she’d made of the filled forms.

“Would you have?”

She knew he was talking about his penis and the fork. “I would’ve castrated him with a butter knife,” she answered honestly.

The Admiral raised his brow but nodded. 

It didn’t matter what happened to her today. It was worth it.

* * *

**WHEEL**

It happened so fast. She blinked and Garrus was pinned under the Mako.

“Wrex!” She yelled as she ran to the Mako. Garrus was pinned under the tire, his armor cracking under the weight as she scooted under the front and used her legs to lift it. Ashely was right behind her pushing as hard as she could while Wrex came up behind them to pull Garrus out.

If she’d been thinking, she’d have had Wrex lift the weight, he could do it much easier. But there wasn’t time.

Garrus was being crushed.

“Got him! We need the doctor!” Wrex yelled as she girls dropped the Mako, the metal crunch of the axel hitting the deck echoing in her ears.

The axel broke, the jack falling away. If he hadn’t been in armor…

“Joker, head to the Citadel, contact medical!” Shepard ordered as she helped load Garrus onto the gurney.

After the doctor kicked her out of the medbay, she went straight to her private terminal and pulled up Garrus’ information.

[Input: Castis Vakarian/Video Call……]

She closed her eyes and tried to calm herself before the vidcall connected. If he answered. 

[Commander Shepard,] he answered coolly.

“Mr. Vakarian, there’s been an accident and Garrus is in surgery. We are on our way to the Citadel now, can you meet us?” Shepard said quickly, panic trying to worm its way into her voice.

[Yes,] he replied as he brought up his omnitool.

“There’s another reason for my call, Sir.”

[What is it?] He asked, his eyes seeming to pierce her through the terminal.

“I need you to investigate the materials that were used on our ground rover,” she told him. Axel’s don’t just break.

[Explain,] he ordered. Man of few words. She could appreciate that.

“Garrus is in charge of repairs on our ground vehicle. The axel broke,” she started, her throat tightening as emotion tried to take over her. “Garrus was repairing a brake line, he had the front of the rover jacked up. No different from any other repair except that this was a new axel.”

[You think you were given faulty materials. By who?]

“The order was under the Council, which I know would pose a problem.”

[But you’re concerned that it was someone else.]

“Councilor Sparatus may not like me, but I don’t see him endangering the son of his Primarch’s closest friend,” Shepard told him, her eyes turning hard. “Garrus was pinned under the wheel, his armor…” She cleared her throat. “Gunny Williams and I lifted the rover while Urdnot Wrex pulled him out and called for medical.”

[It will take time.]

“Listen, Garrus filled me in on your opinion of Spectres, and quite frankly I don’t care. My best friend is being cut open to stop internal bleeding because someone wanted to hurt us. If you’re held up by red tape, contact me.”

[You want blood,] he replied, his voice tripping in distaste. 

Shepard snorted, “The krogan wants blood. I want justice.”

[It matters little.]

“You’re son was nearly killed by someone that could be hiding behind a political title. Someone you can’t reach. It’s simple, Mr. Vakarian. You tell me where you need in, and I get you in. That’s it.”

[You don’t want to conduct the investigation yourself?] He asked her, his mandibles spreading in surprise.

“No.”

[Why?]

Shepard looked at him, really looked at him. “Because if Garrus dies, I _will_ want blood.” Pressing the button for the intercom, “Joker what’s our ETA?”

[Thirty seven minutes, Commander.]

“And medical?”

[The best on standby, our docking bay reserved.] Joker replied.

“Mr. Vakarian, what’s your transport number?”

[It’s a private transport vessel,] he said as his call switched to his omnitool. The transport landing as he exited his home. He quickly sent the information to her.

“Joker, get this vessel Spectre clearance and docking,” Shepard ordered as she sent it to Joker.

[Looks like I’ll arrive just shortly after you, Commander,] Castis told her as soon as he flight time was updated.

“I’m going with Garrus,” she said. “Look for an angry krogan in red armor with a red cranial plate, and a human female in white armor. Wrex and Ashley, make them confirm their names, just in case.”

[Understood, Vakarian out.]

The decks were cleared as the gurney was rushed to the airlock. Garrus wasn’t doing well. She said nothing as they cleared the airlock to a team of doctors and nurses waiting for them. Garrus was immediately moved into a waiting medicar, Shepard right on their heels.

Wrex and Ashely would meet Castis at his bay and take him directly to the hospital.

-

When Castis exited the shuttle, the krogan and human were waiting impatiently for him. He was a little impressed at the human trying to calm the angry krogan. “Names?” He asked them, ignoring the krogan’s growl.

“Shut up,” the human said to the krogan, surprising Castis. “I’m Williams and this is Wrex. I’m assuming you’re Castis?”

“Yes,” he replied.

“Shepard is already at the hospital, they have Garrus back in surgery,” the woman told him as they loaded into a transport. “Quit growling, Wrex, he’ll be fine.”

“You didn’t see what I saw,” the krogan replied roughly.

“You’re going to have to clamp it down or Shepard is going to kick your ass,” Williams warned. “You know damn well she isn’t going to use her Spectre status to get you out of trouble.”

The krogan hmphed but said nothing else.

“You know her, Wrex,” the woman said gently. “She’s already got someone on it.”

“I know,” he replied.

Castis stayed until his son was out of surgery. He didn’t want to leave to do this investigation without knowing his son was okay. Had it not been for the human medical officer on board, Garrus would have died long before they got him to help. She, a human, kept his son alive.

The waiting room was full of occupants. Various members of the Normandy crew. Garrus’ friends that Castis had no clue about. So many species on one vessel. And his son was adored by them all. Shoulders sagged in relief when the surgeon delivered the good news. The quarian wept quietly as the krogan hugged her close. 

It was unlike anything he’d ever seen in all his years. 

“Why don’t you all head back and get some rest,” Shepard said addressing her crew. Her voice was rough from disuse. “He can’t have visitors until tomorrow anyway.”

Castis stood back and watched as she quietly talked to a few of her crew, reassuring them that their friend was going to be okay, until the room was empty. Save he and her. 

-

Garrus had been in and out as Castis worked the investigation. He’d hit red tape, just as Shepard predicted he would. It didn’t bode well.

He was tired but he knew she’d be there at his son’s side. It was doubtful she left. When he entered the room, he felt like he was walking in on a very private moment.

“Don’t scare me like that again,” she whispered as Garrus clumsily pulled her head down to his. His son’s purr meant to calm her.

“Just wanted to see if I could lift as much as you,” Garrus replied, his voice weak.

Castis disapproved, at least until the woman chuckled at his son’s poor attempt at a joke. 

“I knew you just really wanted to see me naked,” his son teased.

“Oh, please,” Shepard said as she laughed softly. “Just…quit talking you bony raptor.”

“Squishy monkey,” he son quipped.

Castis cleared his throat, ignoring the squeak from the human and the mask that fell over his son’s face. He knew he wasn’t the most affectionate father. But he did love his kids.

“Shepard, I need help getting passed this red tape,” Castis said as he handed over a datapad, Garrus’ mouth falling open as he stared wide-eyed like Castis had grown an extra set of fringe. “What? If you can take a human for a mate then surely I can ask a Spectre for help in an investigation that almost killed you,” Castis teased. “Besides, being mated to your best friend is acceptable. Just ask your mother.”

Castis took the datapad from the smiling Commander before saying his farewells. He couldn’t wait to fill his mate in on what he just walked into. She would get so much enjoyment from teasing her son.

Until then, Castis had a suspect. A turian suspect with evidence proving he was the one that ordered the faulty equipment for Shepard’s rover. Politics. He hated politics.


	19. Chapter 19

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I just can't thank all you lovely folks enough for your comments. I'm a caregiver for an elderly woman and let me tell you, it is so emotionally draining. I love her to pieces. She'll be 90 this month and I've been with her the last 4 years. 
> 
> It's mentally draining when she calls me 4 or 5 times a day because she forgets more and more as the months drag on.
> 
> It's physically exhausting because of the personal care. Bedpan, baths, haircuts, nail trimming, skin care. And since she's bedridden, I do the housework and food prep. And since her sight and hearing are slowly fading, I also help run her business and take care of finances. 
> 
> She places a ton of trust in me. It completely exhausts me. Then I run on fumes as I care for my children. But they are crazy supportive kids that help around the house and take care of the toddler when I'm working. I am truly blessed. I wouldn't trade my job for anything.
> 
> Writing lately...well there hasn't been any. But you guys, the readers and fellow authors, seriously help me get through some days where I feel utterly empty. So thank you so very much <3<3

Running a strip club sounded like a good idea. Who doesn’t love watching people dance? So, when Chora’s Den went up for sale, Shepard bought it. And why not? The place was a shithole. Throw some lights up and it would be an improvement.

The asari dancers weren’t pleased to learn they’d be getting less hours. It was no longer asari dancers only. Most of them walked out.

Finding some turian strippers proved to be a little difficult. And drell more so. 

Humans had been the easiest to find. 

Shepard had the center bar torn down and a stage erected. Haha, erected. Jeez she needed a hobby. Her office had been moved so that the dancers could get to dressing rooms without having to walk through the crowd. 

Then there was the body guards. They had been almost as easy to find as human strippers.

It was going to be sometime before she started making credits back. Her’s being alcohol, entrance fees, and a percentage of the private lap dances. Not taking any chances, she made sure her guards knew that this wasn’t a club where people paid a nice tip to get fucked. The credits the strippers made from the stage were theirs to keep. As was a percentage of the lap dances. 

Her newest strippers; Kaidan, Garrus, and Thane made their way to the dressing room for the grand opening. Shepard had no doubt those three men would make more than the others. Especially once word got out that the strip club had new talent. Male talent.

Chora’s Den transformed into The Normandy, her crew working hard to prep their first night.

James took his place at the door where Mordin was seated behind the glass prepping his terminal to take payments. Wrex helped Ashley, Liara, and Miranda set up their tables. Her waitresses were ready to make some tips as her barkeeps, Kasumi, Jack, and Samara, were taking inventory of their stock. 

There were more crew incoming. Waiters, bouncers, and a couple more strippers. It would definitely be a busy night, Shepard thought with a smile as she returned to her office.

* * *

**PACK**

Crushing her uniform down into her bag, she did her best to ignore the panicked voices behind her. 

Torfan had been…awful to say the least. And then coming back from that hell to find her husband in bed with another woman. Well…it just wasn’t her year apparently. 

“Babe, I can explain,” he said. His clothes still askew, lipstick smeared on his lip as the other woman made a hasty exit.

“Save it,” she said quietly as she hefted everything she owned onto her shoulder and walked to the door where her deployment pack sat. It was too easy to ignore him as she lifted it from the floor and exited their apartment. 

There really wasn’t any place for her to go. Just one. And if he wasn’t home, then she’d pay the credits she couldn’t afford to pay to stay at a hotel.

“Shepard?” David said when he opened his door and welcomed her in.

She’d done well so far. Until he sat down next to her on the bed in the guest room and asked her what happened. That was when she broke, silent sobs wracked her body as her mentor did his best to comfort her.

Within two weeks, she was divorced. She didn’t know if David had anything to do with it, but he must have. Those things usually took months. 

Next thing she knew she was on her way to N training. Living out of a bag was what she did best anyway.

* * *

**FILM**

“Why do you have it muted?” Saren asked when he spied her watching something on the terminal.

“I don’t, it’s a silent film,” she replied. 

Humans and their silly movies. “What’s the point of that?” He growled out.

“You really want to understand humans better, the best way is like this. Unlocking the meaning of their facial expressions and body language is all you need,” she told him before flicking the terminal off. “Good night.”

“Night,” he replied but immediately cursed himself for it. He hated humans, and he hated this specific human even if she did show battle prowess that rivaled some of the most hardened soldiers.

-

Saren didn’t know how the spirits to deal with her. As it was she rarely spoke. She was so quiet. He liked it, but humans were supposed to babble. The female rarely watched movies, or listened to music. Instead, she’d sit and read. A lot. She’d downloaded hundreds of books. Every day the list grew smaller as she read them and removed them. 

Her rare laughter scared him. Not that he would ever say it aloud. It was too damn quiet. He was beginning to hate it.

-

After making sure Shepard was asleep, Saren loaded the silent film she had been watching to see if there was any truth behind her words. What few words she’s ever said. 

He sat through thirty minutes of it before he recognized an expression, one Shepard very rarely gave him. Then another, one she gave him almost constantly.

“Learn anything?” Shepard asked from directly behind him.

“Spirits, can’t you make some noise?” Saren said, startled.

“That would defeat the purpose of being an infiltrator,” she replied. “So?”

“You give me that expression sometimes, what is it?” He asked her, swallowing his pride.

“Fondness,” she replied.

“I don’t like that,” he growled but pushed onward. “And that one?”

She chuckled, the vibration making his fringe tingle. “Frustration.”

“Ah, yes. That one I understand,” Saren replied. He tended to frustrate a lot of people. Most of which were turian. “Perhaps there is something to these silent films,” he told her, giving her the win.

“This one is my favorite,” she said softly before patting him on the shoulder. “Good night.”

“Good night, Shepard,” he replied. Oh for spirits sake. He’s getting soft in his old age.

* * *

**WOOL**

This is the last time she let the crew choose a shore leave spot. 

Let’s go skiing, they said. It’ll be so much fun, they said. 

FUCK. THEM. ALL.

No amount of layers was keeping the chill from her bones. Instead, she returned to the cabin to strip and stay by the fire. They could all have their damn fun.

“Garrus, why aren’t you out learning this thing they call fun?” Shepard asked as she dropped layer after layer onto the floor.

“Turians and cold don’t mix,” he replied.

“I guess I’m part turian then,” she mumbled.

“Want to snuggle?” He teased from the comfort of the couch.

“Fuck yes,” she answered. “Keep flirting with me and I’ll keep you in bed all week.”

“Now that’s my kind of shore leave,” he rumbled.

“I thought you didn’t want to screw up our friendship?” She asked him as she froze in a half standing position next to him.

“I lied.”

“Carry me upstairs and warm me up, Vakarian,” she told him with a smirk.

* * *

**HYPNOTIC**

The human in charge of the multispecies training at Arcturus was different than other’s he’s met in his life. Each step was measured, no movement wasted. Each bit of energy calculated. Even when assigning rooms on a datapad.

It wasn’t that she dressed different from others. From rumors, her rank of N7 was the only special forces rank allowed to be worn on any clothing. She didn’t wear a traditional Alliance uniform. She wore the common pants and boots, but her top revealed muscular arms and shoulders with a somewhat low neckline. Adrien couldn’t help but notice the ropes of muscles moving under her skin.

Later, they were all shown to what the humans called bleachers to view the kind of training Shepard’s team underwent and what they could expect.

The human men wore only tight fitting shorts and Shepard herself wore a shorter version that bared the length of her equally muscular legs. Her top only covering her breasts. They all watched them below, completely entranced by the ripple of muscles as they trained with weights. There were a few pained groans as the group stretched, the positions not normal for a turian.

But the last exercise, the one that had them placing bets, was which of the five below could pull an incredible amount of weight across the gym floor. They only knew Shepard’s name. But the rest were given nicknames. The human krogan, the hairless, the tiny pyjack, and the hairy face.

When a dark man gave the order, they began. The tiny pyjack was the first to drop to the ground in defeat. Then the hairless, and the hairy face. 

When it was just two left, muscles bugling under the strain, humans entered the viewing area and began yelling at the competitors below.

_Come on, Jimmy!_

Then the human krogan fell.

But Shepard, she switched positions. Instead of pulling, she wrapped the padded cord around her highly supportive waist and began to push against it. She didn’t stop until there was no more floor to walk. 

Victus watched in suppressed arousal, her body sparking with sweat as she patted the backs of her men. 

She was an oddity he couldn’t help but get lost in.


	20. Chapter 20

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> And here it is Ladies and Gents. This last chapter of this super enjoyable ficlet mania. Should any of you decide to give it a try, I'll be very eager to read! Thank you for all your kind and supportive comments, y'all truly are the best there is!

**DECORATE**

Spending the extra credits to have a professional come in had been worth it. What was odd was that the highly sought after decorator was batarian. 

This was definitely a first for Shepard. The second first, was his obvious flirting as he went through her home and took down measurements _while_ asking her about her preferred style. 

“Really?” He asked her after she told him she preferred dark reds over bright colors. Blacks over browns. 

“This going to be too boring for you?” She asked him. “I can find someone else.”

“No, no,” he told her as he made notes on his omnitool. “I just expected it to be much more complicated, Commander.”

“Keep it simple, welcoming, and relaxing,” she told him. “Preferably fake plants.”

“Yes, there’s rumors of your black thumb, as humans say.”

His honesty made her laugh. “I just want something to come home to that isn’t military metal.”

“How long do I have?”

“Two weeks,” she replied. Peace keeping missions, yay!

The man reopened his omnitool and typed quickly. “We’ll start today.”

* * *

**ANIMATED**

There were many things Thane Krios had seen in his life. So many things. But nothing compared to entering the helm to a pilot and captain watching some kind of cartoon. The odd smell of human popcorn in the air.

Fluffly pajamas.

And laughter.

From two adults.

It was…different. Humans were an odd species to begin with. The only known species with fur on their bodies instead of natural armor. Ears instead of protected canals. 

His brow rose in surprise when Shepard winked his way before she titled her head to join her. He didn’t want to intrude, but he was very curious. Not only of humans, but of what they were watching.

* * *

**REASON**

As logical as salarians were, they were fucking stupid. At least where Dalatrass Lenron was concerned.

“Shepard?”

“What is it, Sparatus?” She asked tiredly. Hours of arguing with Valern had given her a headache.

“Valern is just taking orders,” he told her as he took as seat across from her desk.

Shepard sighed. “Listen, her reasons for not wanting a krogan councilor are ridiculous. They have proven themselves.”

“They have.”

“Then why?”

“She’s hoping you haven’t read our laws, and from what I’m seeing, I can see you haven’t.”

Sparatus spent the next hour going over various laws that allowed loopholes. With the current council stuck in a tie vote, it was legal to take the vote to the embassies. The Ambassador’s could vote and with them all wanting a seat, Shepard was likely able to make good on her promises during the war. 

She was so utterly thrilled, she kissed him. “Holy shit, you deserve a raise!”

“Another kiss will suffice,” he told her.

So she did. Her moan making him grip her to him as their tongues met. She was near breathless when she pulled back. “How about you help me notify the ambassadors and then you take me home?” She whispered.

“Gladly.”

* * *

**ORDER**

It wasn’t that she lacked emotion. She had a lot of those pesky things. It was just that she was really good at turning the switch off and on.

But this mission…

This was way out of her comfort zone. 

_We need you to act as a dancer while our team will be scattered in the club looking for our target._

So here she was, barely in anything as she pressed her cleavage into the drells face while rolling her body against him. 

_Our serial killer is a male drell, yellow scales. That’s all we know. He targets any human female of smaller stature._

“You’re my first drell,” she whispered seductively. “Anyway improvements I can make to accommodate your species?”

It was easy to pretend herself interested. He was devilishly handsome. “A few,” he replied against her ear. “Let me take you home tonight.”

“Maybe,” she told him with a flirty wink before moving back to the stage.

There were a few drell in the club but this one the only yellow scaled. Shepard hoped it was him, otherwise someone else would die. They had gone out of their way to fake the news reports and to blast the club’s newest human dancer.

Let the murderer think he was safe because the authorities thought the girls had ran away, dismissing their disappearance.

The drell’s eyes were on her all night. Finally, when her _shift_ ended, he approached her again. She told him yes and let him pull her through the back alley before pushing her up against the wall and kissing her. 

Pretending to be into it was…difficult, but she managed well enough. Her gut told her something was off. 

Before she realized what happened, the yellow drell had been jerked off of her, Shepard immediately powering her biotics. Hiding an amp behind hair had been difficult. She watched as a green drell broke the neck of the yellow before praying.

“And you are?” She asked him.

“No one,” he replied, his voice making her shudder in surprise arousal. “I have no contract on you, Shepard.”

“It seems you have me at a disadvantage,” she told him evenly. “You interrupted my op.”

“I watched for hours. Your op was complete. Otherwise, you would not have left with him,” he told her as he placed his arms behind his back.

“True enough,” she told him as she let her biotics taper out. “You busy later?” She flirted.

“If I’m not?”

“You pick the time and place or you can find me,” she told him as she straightened her clothing. “I could use a little…relief.”

“I’ll consider your offer,” he said with a bow before disappearing.

“This is Shepard, target down.” She said after pressing a button on her jacket. “Send in the cleaners.”

[Any witnesses?]

A sexy green drell. “Negative.”

* * *

**ERRATIC**

_”We can’t keep his heart stable. There’s just too much infection to deal with!”_

_Shepard growled as she jerked the doctor to her. “You will do everything you possibly can until the quarian doctor gets here.”_

_“Yes, Commander,” he replied shakily._

“Shepard?” a soft voice said behind her as a warm hand grazed her hip. “Everything okay?”

She sighed as she lay back in the bed, letting him pull her close to him. “Just remembering,” she told him. She never had to say what she was remembering. He always knew.

“I’m here, I’m alive,” he whispered.

“I know, Kal,” she replied. “We got lucky.”

“Tell me what you need,” he ordered as he gently lifted her chin, his lips ghosting over hers.

“You, just you,” she replied, her relieved sigh turning into a moan as he rolled her under him. 

“Yes, Ma’am,” he replied huskily before pressing himself inside.


End file.
